Page 22 of 112 FirstFirst ... 12192021222324253272 ... LastLast
Results 316 to 330 of 1667

Thread: Humour thread

  1. #316
    Retired Member Hungary
    Join Date
    10th July 2018
    Posts
    1,862
    Thanks
    4,696
    Thanked 8,908 Times in 1,858 Posts
    Just wanted to post this video from my Sister's facebook page.

    She and my Brother-In-Law run a horse ranch near the Austrian-Hungarian border, just outside town. They do horse riding camps for kiddies in the summer and watching all those happy kiddies, horsies, doggies and other assorted animals never fails to put a smile on my face:

    https://www.facebook.com/koncz.nikol...1585974964951/

  2. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Chris For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (19th May 2020), Dreamtimer (22nd May 2020), Elen (20th May 2020), Emil El Zapato (19th May 2020), Wind (19th May 2020)

  3. #317
    Senior Member Emil El Zapato's Avatar
    Join Date
    3rd April 2017
    Location
    Earth I
    Posts
    12,165
    Thanks
    36,591
    Thanked 43,045 Times in 11,889 Posts
    Hey that's cool, Chris, my daughter is taking a 'English' riding lesson today...she's done the Western thing...

    Kids are so cute...
    “El revolucionario: te meteré la bota en el culo"

  4. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Emil El Zapato For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (19th May 2020), Chris (19th May 2020), Dreamtimer (22nd May 2020), Elen (20th May 2020), Wind (19th May 2020)

  5. #318
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
    Join Date
    17th March 2015
    Location
    Middle-Earth
    Posts
    20,223
    Thanks
    88,356
    Thanked 80,927 Times in 20,238 Posts
    How to give your cat a pill


    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore loud growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with it's head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10.Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie cat's front paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.


    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

  6. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Aragorn For This Useful Post:

    Chris (19th May 2020), Dreamtimer (3rd June 2020), Elen (20th May 2020), Emil El Zapato (19th May 2020), Wind (19th May 2020)

  7. #319
    Senior Member Emil El Zapato's Avatar
    Join Date
    3rd April 2017
    Location
    Earth I
    Posts
    12,165
    Thanks
    36,591
    Thanked 43,045 Times in 11,889 Posts
    hilarious...these directions are screwed though...the 1st step under all circumstances should be to don battle gear...serious...
    “El revolucionario: te meteré la bota en el culo"

  8. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Emil El Zapato For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (19th May 2020), Chris (20th May 2020), Dreamtimer (3rd June 2020), Elen (20th May 2020), Wind (29th May 2020)

  9. #320
    Super Moderator Wind's Avatar
    Join Date
    16th January 2015
    Location
    Just here
    Posts
    7,184
    Thanks
    33,616
    Thanked 27,263 Times in 7,198 Posts
    In America you have the right to bear arms, but in Soviet Russia you have the right to arm bears.


  10. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Wind For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (30th May 2020), Dreamtimer (3rd June 2020), Elen (30th May 2020), Emil El Zapato (29th May 2020), Lord Sidious (30th May 2020), Malisa (21st June 2020)

  11. #321
    Senior Member Emil El Zapato's Avatar
    Join Date
    3rd April 2017
    Location
    Earth I
    Posts
    12,165
    Thanks
    36,591
    Thanked 43,045 Times in 11,889 Posts
    Holy Sheeit!
    “El revolucionario: te meteré la bota en el culo"

  12. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Emil El Zapato For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (30th May 2020), Dreamtimer (3rd June 2020), Elen (30th May 2020), Wind (29th May 2020)

  13. #322
    Senior Member Canada
    Join Date
    30th October 2017
    Posts
    1,075
    Thanks
    4,638
    Thanked 5,099 Times in 1,080 Posts
    Portlandia--ordering a meal in Portland, Oregon. LOL


  14. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Octopus Garden For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (21st June 2020), Chris (21st June 2020), Dreamtimer (21st June 2020), Elen (21st June 2020), Emil El Zapato (21st June 2020), Marique (19th November 2021), Wind (21st June 2020)

  15. #323
    Retired Member United States
    Join Date
    7th April 2015
    Location
    Patapsco Valley
    Posts
    14,610
    Thanks
    70,673
    Thanked 62,025 Times in 14,520 Posts
    It reminds me a bit of people talking about the terroir of their wine. I'm not sure if that word is still in vogue.

  16. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dreamtimer For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (21st June 2020), Emil El Zapato (21st June 2020), Wind (21st June 2020)

  17. #324
    Retired Member
    Join Date
    14th October 2019
    Location
    Ronin
    Posts
    441
    Thanks
    972
    Thanked 1,904 Times in 446 Posts
    Quote Originally posted by Wind View Post
    In America you have the right to bear arms, but in Soviet Russia you have the right to arm bears.

    That's a very brave bear, riding along with those Russian guys :P LOL

  18. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Malisa For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (21st June 2020), Dreamtimer (22nd June 2020), Elen (22nd June 2020), Emil El Zapato (21st June 2020), Wind (21st June 2020)

  19. #325
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
    Join Date
    17th March 2015
    Location
    Middle-Earth
    Posts
    20,223
    Thanks
    88,356
    Thanked 80,927 Times in 20,238 Posts
    Quote Originally posted by Dreamtimer View Post
    It reminds me a bit of people talking about the terroir of their wine. I'm not sure if that word is still in vogue.
    All humor aside, the (perhaps strange) reaction I felt was when they mentioned the chicken's name. If an animal has a name ─ or at least, a name known to myself ─ then I cannot eat it. I love meat, but I can only eat it if I can remain detached from the identity of the animal in question.
    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

  20. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Aragorn For This Useful Post:

    Dreamtimer (21st June 2020), Elen (22nd June 2020), Emil El Zapato (21st June 2020), Malisa (21st June 2020), Wind (21st June 2020)

  21. #326
    Retired Member United States
    Join Date
    7th April 2015
    Location
    Patapsco Valley
    Posts
    14,610
    Thanks
    70,673
    Thanked 62,025 Times in 14,520 Posts
    Indeed. I've heard farmers say, "You don't name the animals you're going to slaughter".


    I think the President was trying to use photo-sharpie again...


  22. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Dreamtimer For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (21st June 2020), Elen (22nd June 2020), Emil El Zapato (21st June 2020), Malisa (21st June 2020), Wind (21st June 2020)

  23. #327
    Super Moderator Wind's Avatar
    Join Date
    16th January 2015
    Location
    Just here
    Posts
    7,184
    Thanks
    33,616
    Thanked 27,263 Times in 7,198 Posts
    Quote Originally posted by Malisa View Post
    That's a very brave bear, riding along with those Russian guys :P LOL
    "Title should have been “Bear survived an encounter with russian man”


  24. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Wind For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (21st June 2020), Dreamtimer (22nd June 2020), Elen (22nd June 2020), Emil El Zapato (21st June 2020), Malisa (22nd June 2020)

  25. #328
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
    Join Date
    17th March 2015
    Location
    Middle-Earth
    Posts
    20,223
    Thanks
    88,356
    Thanked 80,927 Times in 20,238 Posts
    The explanation you've all been waiting for...


    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

  26. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Aragorn For This Useful Post:

    Dreamtimer (22nd June 2020), Elen (22nd June 2020), Emil El Zapato (22nd June 2020), Malisa (22nd June 2020), Wind (21st June 2020)

  27. #329
    Senior Member Emil El Zapato's Avatar
    Join Date
    3rd April 2017
    Location
    Earth I
    Posts
    12,165
    Thanks
    36,591
    Thanked 43,045 Times in 11,889 Posts
    I think that bear has an identity crisis...he thinks he's a cat...

    Quote Originally posted by Aragorn View Post
    The explanation you've all been waiting for...


    that's pretty close...excellent job...
    “El revolucionario: te meteré la bota en el culo"

  28. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Emil El Zapato For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (22nd June 2020), Dreamtimer (22nd June 2020), Elen (22nd June 2020), Malisa (22nd June 2020), Wind (21st June 2020)

  29. #330
    Super Moderator Wind's Avatar
    Join Date
    16th January 2015
    Location
    Just here
    Posts
    7,184
    Thanks
    33,616
    Thanked 27,263 Times in 7,198 Posts
    Brought to you by a moonshiner.

  30. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Wind For This Useful Post:

    Aragorn (22nd June 2020), Dreamtimer (22nd June 2020), Elen (22nd June 2020), Emil El Zapato (21st June 2020), Malisa (22nd June 2020)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •