I really like the way you expressed this continuing dilemma and that reportage of our own subjectives needs strict adherence to non-embellishment or trying to justify for the sake of "whatever" excuse we generate.
The issue of the characters like Shane etc. who seek our attention is that the only reason they reach out is so they WILL have our attention. And actually unless one is needing what THEY seem to offer, we can all just plod along neutrally.
What I read in your discussion is that you needed some validation for anomalous experience and believed from what he dangled that he "knew" what you did not know. So, he gave you some more information and more information (all the time building on your responses). I don't think your disappointment needs to be extended now you realize all he wanted was to have your attention.
So, the hard question: do you miss/ want him in a bromancey way? That pain needs processing like any heart break of human "love lost". Narcissists don't "love" us and that hurts. IMO ANY of these claiming they are ready to reveal esoteric wisdom to us noobs, grant us their (g)knowledge, save us as they are special "guru" types are whistling blowers. IMO they are seeking narcissitic supply. I read this quote on another forum about a different female "guru" and it is pertinent.
It is really easy these days to make youtube videos. The ones of rambling conversations where the makers want us to listen to them for hours have little substance if any. That is why editing is really valuable. They are from "personalities" who have sought recognition and we give our time and "views" by listening and tyhis is in itself a "tell" IMO.
What have we gained from these hours spent on "persons of interest?" really?? The personality cults need to be retired as they become repetitive dramedies. It is such a yawn...the alt youtube culture is reaching its nadir of shlocking lack of relevance. Sorry guys...you are BORING
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So, in addition to what you have expounded, I say: this is what continuing the waking up feels like.....