Russ
john parslow (5th March 2014), modwiz (5th March 2014), Moonlight (14th March 2014), ronin (5th March 2014), Seikou-Kishi (5th March 2014), Tonz (5th March 2014)
Just in case you are wondering......
Russ
Hope this is not too strong, if so, delete mods......
A study was done useing a simple interview with couples together form one year,then those together 10 years , 20,and finally 30 years.
the question was how is there sex life and where do they practice it?
the results were clearly as follows,
the couple with one year had sex all the time and it didn't matter where, in the kitchen , bathroom , laundry ,in bed ,on the sofa , on the table , in the car ...
the couple with ten years had sex mostly in bed but occasionally in the lounge....
the couple with 20 years had sex only in bed and only occasionally....
the couple with 30 years said that the closest they get to sex is saying f***you ,no f*** you too !as they past by each other in the hallway.
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after
His Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said,
'Please Mary, put down that gun...'
Make love, not
war.
Hell, do
both
GET MARRIED!
sign in Women's restroom
The Filling Station, Bozeman , MT
Hey ladies, if its a warm summer this is a cert for some extra cash!
Russ
BabaRa (15th March 2014), Calabash (14th March 2014), john parslow (12th March 2014), Moonlight (14th March 2014), Seikou-Kishi (14th March 2014), Tonz (13th March 2014)
Russ this joke is a bit off the nice side or it is just me that finds it a bit too sexist. Sorry bro, no offence I'm just saying how I see it. But I am not in a good mood though.
Anyway here is what I fount and I think it is amusing.
Highland1 (13th March 2014), john parslow (14th March 2014), Moonlight (14th March 2014), Ria (17th March 2014), Seikou-Kishi (14th March 2014), Tonz (13th March 2014)
It doesn't look like she's being forced. If a woman does something of her own free will, it would be more sexist to tell her she couldn't do it because she was a woman :-)Originally posted by Altaira
As reported in the newspaper...
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)
_____
Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)
_____
At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
( Aberdeen Evening Express)
_____
Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'"
( Bournemouth Evening Echo)
____
AND .................................................. .....
A list of actual announcements that London Tube drivers have made to their
passengers...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."
____
"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."
_____
"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause.) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care -- I'm going home...."
_____
"We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door."
_____
"Please move all baggage away from the doors." (Pause..) "Please move ALL belongings away from the doors." (Pause...) "This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!"
Once again folks, apologies to all blondes ...
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO CHICAGO WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP, AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAIDFOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO CHICAGO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO CHICAGO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN, WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER . . . FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO CHICAGO."
Last edited by john parslow, 15th March 2014 at 21:48.
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school
after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, 'What do you think about
all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad.'
Altaira (16th March 2014), Calabash (17th March 2014), john parslow (16th March 2014), modwiz (16th March 2014), Moonlight (15th March 2014), Ria (17th March 2014), Seikou-Kishi (17th March 2014), Tonz (16th March 2014)
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than do the men who mention it.
Altaira (16th March 2014), Calabash (17th March 2014), john parslow (16th March 2014), modwiz (16th March 2014), Moonlight (15th March 2014), Ria (17th March 2014), Seikou-Kishi (17th March 2014), Tonz (16th March 2014)
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