Report 9191957

[Chester]

I only have a few minutes but I had to post this update - please read asap as... THEY will zap this and erase the memory of anyone who has read it unless you possess the proper flatulence levels - more on this in a moment.

FIRST - after consulting with Jax (the only witness to what happened to me... my son's bulldog) -

I was able to piece together what just occurred.

My Report:

After last nights briefing by Alternate Universe 7 Space Command....

It has been given into my hands that all humanity must stand down immediately OR the Krypto Kosmic Central Black Hole of our universe (Universe Six) will consume all physical existence in light seconds.

That's all I was told to report and despite the protests of the command structure above me (which must remain unnamed for fear of horrific reprisal) I felt compelled to alert humanity now before it is too late.

I know this sounds unbelievable but every time I eat the third spoon of a bowl full of Wheaties, I find myself mysteriously teleported through the Central Wormhole to Universe 7 and a "Clonalike" with elements of my soul essence is left in my place so no one notices my actual absence. No need to worry about footprints that disappear into nothingness nor that "I" will be missed.

Anyways, I risk all in passing this on (unless donations reach the level I can afford the 24/7 security services clearly required...)

See - we are actually beings from another universe (Universe 7). In fact, Universe 6 does not even exist except within a tiny fragment of our Universe 7 mind... and yes... this fragment is clearly demented and sadly, under complete demonic control. Act now or the REAL you will vanish into the alter-ethersphere and be lost beyond eternity. We (here) in Universe 6 are "step-down shadow selves" and unless we embrace those who have our best interests firmly in their hearts - we are toast.

I know some of you are like ... shaking your head in disbelief but I can assure you my contacts are real. How do I know? Folks who have been admitted into the Program are provided a special food source which, when consumed in the amount as per instructions generates a unique flatulance which the Program Master's tech can measure with precision beyond any known technology of Earth today.

Once you are trusted, you are provided "smell strips" which... if they turn purple when in the presence of another Program member gives you comfort you are with the trusted. These strips are etheric and cannot be seen by physical eyes and unless you have special eye sight as I have been gifted with, you will never breach security.

So if you cannot "fart" correctly... you are revealing yourself as a 6th Universe "shadow self" and cannot be trusted.

OK, Gotta catch some rest as the groceries are about to arrive (I ordered two full boxes of Wheaties!).

[Chester]

... just attempting a little levity on a Sunday afternoon while so many folks are so stirred up -

Sometimes we gotta laugh, yes?

[DNA]

... just attempting a little levity on a Sunday afternoon while so many folks are so stirred up -

Sometimes we gotta laugh, yes?

Oh, ,,,I'm laughing my proverbial pecker off. That read was freaking priceless, and yes I got it, and your point is loud and clear.

[GoodETxSG]

I talked to a person up until fairly recently that gave me a report on something very similar a while back... I shared with them what info I had heard/read on the "Smart Glass Pads" on similar subjects.

Some of these details are based on some actual information from other reports from briefings of parallel programs that were running at one period.

(The was a group "Men who stare at goats" and another one "Men who meditate on bodily smells while in small caves )... Very top secret. Mysteries of consciousness and "bodily processes" may unlock the secrets of the universe...

TY,
Corey/GoodeTxSG

Scratch and sniff the other end of the dog while it is distracted w/the popsicle...

[Shadowself]

(the only witness to what happened to me... my son's bulldog)

...You too! OMG Buster my bulldog is a Sirius contactee! He too to got a message last night!

His arch enemy Zafro The Zulchfire threatened to curtail his silver haired flamis shipment with his anti gravity Gretzen Ring if he didn't release his secret Cravex by midnight!!

Buster's secret Cravex has been had!



Whoa!!!!!!!

[Ria]

Sam that is pricles
Do you have people falling in love with you for your humor?

[The One]

Oh yes the comedian thread

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWfORYhJgxY

[Rocket's Mom]

My own canine, Rocket has been very flatulent lately as well!

Have a true story to share: when my son was a HS junior, had a call from the assistant principal: said son had "disrupted" a common core end of course exam with a very heinous release of gas. The test continued under very upsetting circumstances for the poor air-deprived students. (Son had consumed copious amounts of Garlic Mashed potatoes the night before -- very noxious).

Well, the school had to report to the district, the district had to decide whether so suspend said flatulent son, it felt like the hunger games! After all was done, not one student filed complaints to retake the exam. . the experience was over. . .or was it? Got one more call a month later, same son, same caller, same offense: this time, silent but deadly and I laughed the poor administrator off the phone!

What is a mother to do?

[sandancer]

Oh Peter Kay one of my favourites . along with Lily Savage (Paul O'Grady ) and Billy Connelly !!!

Alien farts!, my little black cat has become a victim of an evil E.T who has inserted an anal probe causing his litter tray to become a noxious area of chemical warfare

This is used to permeate my house especially in the early hours of the morning ensuring that I will wake up get out of bed feeling decidely sick and clean out the said tray

Then while I'm up the black one collects his partner in crime , the ginger menace and they take over my bed so I end up huddled on the edge while they spread themselves out and sleep .

I also think I've got furballs Help !!!

[Chester]

...You too! OMG Buster my bulldog is a Sirius contactee! He too to got a message last night!

His arch enemy Zafro The Zulchfire threatened to curtail his silver haired flamis shipment with his anti gravity Gretzen Ring if he didn't release his secret Cravex by midnight!!

Buster's secret Cravex has been had!



Whoa!!!!!!!

ohhh my.... apologies

I was referring to all other shadow selves (me included!)

[Ria]

I only have a few minutes but I had to post this update - please read asap as... THEY will zap this and erase the memory of anyone who has read it unless you possess the proper flatulence levels - more on this in a moment.

FIRST - after consulting with Jax (the only witness to what happened to me... my son's bulldog) -

I was able to piece together what just occurred.

My Report:

After last nights briefing by Alternate Universe 7 Space Command....

It has been given into my hands that all humanity must stand down immediately OR the Krypto Kosmic Central Black Hole of our universe (Universe Six) will consume all physical existence in light seconds.

That's all I was told to report and despite the protests of the command structure above me (which must remain unnamed for fear of horrific reprisal) I felt compelled to alert humanity now before it is too late.

I know this sounds unbelievable but every time I eat the third spoon of a bowl full of Wheaties, I find myself mysteriously teleported through the Central Wormhole to Universe 7 and a "Clonalike" with elements of my soul essence is left in my place so no one notices my actual absence. No need to worry about footprints that disappear into nothingness nor that "I" will be missed.

Anyways, I risk all in passing this on (unless donations reach the level I can afford the 24/7 security services clearly required...)

See - we are actually beings from another universe (Universe 7). In fact, Universe 6 does not even exist except within a tiny fragment of our Universe 7 mind... and yes... this fragment is clearly demented and sadly, under complete demonic control. Act now or the REAL you will vanish into the alter-ethersphere and be lost beyond eternity. We (here) in Universe 6 are "step-down shadow selves" and unless we embrace those who have our best interests firmly in their hearts - we are toast.

I know some of you are like ... shaking your head in disbelief but I can assure you my contacts are real. How do I know? Folks who have been admitted into the Program are provided a special food source which, when consumed in the amount as per instructions generates a unique flatulance which the Program Master's tech can measure with precision beyond any known technology of Earth today.

Once you are trusted, you are provided "smell strips" which... if they turn purple when in the presence of another Program member gives you comfort you are with the trusted. These strips are etheric and cannot be seen by physical eyes and unless you have special eye sight as I have been gifted with, you will never breach security.

So if you cannot "fart" correctly... you are revealing yourself as a 6th Universe "shadow self" and cannot be trusted.

OK, Gotta catch some rest as the groceries are about to arrive (I ordered two full boxes of Wheaties!).

[Dreamtimer]

They come from the planet flatus. They have as many words for fart as the Innu have for snow... The SSP SBD will leave you DOA.

Another one-liner: I put spot remover on my dog. He disappeared.

[reno]

o me this my day much better and thank you for that ! Loved ! !!