TOT, please be guilt free, please begin to realise you are socialising yourselves, into plain rods for your own backs. Life isn't meant to stop living, so OK, I made biggest mistakes , I potted about and didn't become aware, whatever.
I am here in a role of trying to live in righteousness, and if you need to forgive, do it once and let it go, no more reasons, no more I did wrong, work on it once and find happiness in your role again.