The Apology Thread

[DNA]

Thank you Altaria ,

I have never been good at hiding my emotions, especially about subjects that create unnescessary negative emotional responces that target women. I dont want to go into great detail but stories of rape and sexual abuse i find hard to read and especially when i find it is being carelessly presented and in a manner that is provoking a responce.

i spent 5 years of my life dedicated to teaching women and children to defend them selves aginst predators. Needless to say i have invested many emotions around this and have had to be confidant to women and children who felt they had nobody to talk to about their negative experiences. I even had several partners admit to me they were abused.. and the emotions this enlisted in me was unfathomable. SO when i see careless depictions of these scenarios that are un neccesary and repeated almost as if it were some sort of programming .. I get a little upset and protective.

So in short i have learned to be more tactful and i feel very sorry for those who do these things on purpose for some agenda, if thats what it is .. i will pray for your souls.


Its important to note that when one is sorry for what they have done they tell you why it happened so that a greater understanding is resilved. I dont want to come ocross as a reactionary however when i know something , i know.. i just need to learn how to better effect the knowing into information thats useful. I also have to say that english is my third language , not my second and its diffcult to express or articulate what i want to say.

I thank you all for being forgiving , i note who has engaged in this thread have great strength of charachter as it takes a big person to say sorry and an even bigger one to forgive.

Love and Hugs

Naniu

An apology with an exception clause isn't an apology it's a justification.

This apology isn't an apology it's a ploy for attention, plain and simple.
You are defending your attacks on me by painting yourself as a defender of women and children. What you are attacking is a story a woman posted about being sexually attacked. You didn't show empathy for the woman, you instead defended the reptilian who raped her. You attacked the women who wrote the story stating she was a liar and you demanded proof stating it didn't happen if there was no proof. I didn't write the story I posted a link to it. I have no idea as to what really happened as I'm just posting a link, but your insensitivity towards the victim and your defense of the perpetrator perplexed me to no end. As did your rabid and continuous attacks against me personally.

So defend reptilians all you want, but please leave me out of it.

Also I think it worth noting that the moderators considered nano's posts to be so offensive they were erased from my Lacerta thread.



When you were in the throes of your manic rant filled with accusations and ridicule there was no mention of defending women or children.

You were strangely enough defending a reptilian named Lacerta and the entire reptilian species by saying I was accusing the reptilian race of the stories I had linked.

I've kept up with this thread since you started it. And I was of the mind to let you do your thing until this last post.
This last post paints you as some white knight championing the rights of the persecuted and that is just not the case.

The lacerta thread I started had you leaving negative writing on my wall, trolling my thread and starting a thread of your own that has been deleted by the mods whose sole purpose was accusing me of being some agent provocature from avalon sent to disrupt this forum.

I have never in the five years I've been on forums been attacked so thoroughly and incomprehensibly.

So no, we are not cool.

[NANUXII]

Im sorry you feel that way.

i hope you find it in your heart to see past this one day.

N

[donk]

I support you DNA, if you are being accused of being an agent let it be known that it was me who pointed you here...I take responsibility for that.

I'm not sure if it is intentional but I am also triggered by some of the ideas nanoo feels the need to "apologize" for. Besides just deleting posts it would be helpful for moderation to point out when and why they do it (if you don't already, if so I apologize...I try avoiding threads he treads on). If you are going to let him continue this pattern it would be helpful to us to be able to see it. Thanks

[NANUXII]

Love you too my friend

I love you more !

husies !

N
N

[Fuego Del Monte]

Okay, I appreciate that this will sound weird, but it weighs upon me yet, and this seems like as good as any opportunity to address this. I don't discuss this, so it will, I expect, ramble some.

Growing up, I was the kid who took every wounded creature home to rehab back to health. Bugs, birds, everything my parents would allow me to care for that did not obviously already have an owner (meaning no cats or dogs), on the condition that I allow them to return to the wild when healed, which I did. I didn't know anything about animal husbandry or the like, living in a big city. I just sort of sent Love at them until they got better.

This might seem a typical tale so far, but I was already practiced at sending Love into things to make them better. Of particular note was my mother's Datsun, which suffered under her persistent fear of breaking down. She just seemed to charge the car with failure, and looking back on it, I gather she made all of the little choices required for it to do so. I on the other hand, believed in Herbie The Love Bug, and privately spoke to and caressed our Datsun in like fashion, trusting that I was being heard. When the car would not start to take my brother and I to school, I would direct my heart to the car, lightly stroke the door, and ask it to start. And it would. Consistently. So much so, that I admitted what I was doing, much to my family's amusement, and my red-faced embarrassment.

So I stopped doing it, refusing to interpose even if it meant trouble for me at school. Only when I was pointedly asked to act did I do so, and then the car would start. I just stopped automatically connecting with the car, and wouldn't unless someone asked me, "Please start the car," at which point I would act, and it would respond, invariably. I even became precise in my stubbornness, "I don't start the car. I just ask it to start." I knew of no other way to gain respect for the reality of what I knew to be happening.

When I was a teenager, there was a dog across the street who barked at me from behind it's chain-linked fence. It seemed like it had made it its mission to harangue me, waiting for me to appear to shout its anger at me, for I took it as anger as the dog did not deal with anyone else in the neighborhood in the same manner. It was me the dog wanted to bark at, bark with venom and distaste and I realize that I'm projecting here but that dog did not like me and it knew who I was and where I lived and it waited for me to bark. Anytime. Every time. All of the time.

I'd known the owners since I'd been in diapers, and had played with their many dogs as they came and (due to age and sickness) went. They would care for our dog when we were away, and my brother and I would care for theirs in like manner. Humorous aside: they were French and would cook for their dogs, their dogs who would climb the fig trees to eat the fruit. Whenever we left our dog in their care, he'd come back a snob and wouldn't eat the kibble or wet food that was certainly most acceptable before we left.

Anyway, what I'm trying to convey is that there was a relationship between myself and them and us and our dogs, and though this particular dog was fairly new for them, new to the scene, as it were, new to the relationship that we all shared, the fact that it took what seemed to be specific care to bark at me and me alone at any and every opportunity struck me as a betrayal. When they first got the dog, we were introduced, and we played, but something changed one day and I don't know what it was because by that time I was more involved with those things of my age and my friends and high school and adolescence and all. Perhaps the dog was mad at me for not coming over anymore, I don't know. But I took it personally.

So one day, I sat in my yard and watched it bark at me, bark at me, bark at me. It was a medium sized dog making a full throated sound. It wouldn't bark at the postman, it wouldn't bark at other neighbors or their dogs. Just me, me, me. So I sat there waiting for it to bark itself out, but it would not tire. Bark bark bark, teeth flashing barking anger bark bark barking. And it made me mad. So mad that I held my hand up before my face and made a pinching gesture with my thumb and index finger around it's throat, much like that character in the TV comedy show The Kids In The Hall would later do (I'm squishing your head!). But I was not trying to be funny. I was trying to express my anger in a most clear and direct manner, trying to shut that damned dog up and shut it up right now, dammit, right now!

And I did: I made the pinching gesture, and the dog's barking IMMEDIATELY became choked and throttled.

Horrified by the sudden change, the spell of my concentrated anger was broken, and I sat there in shock as the dog continued to bark at me as though through a mattress, as though it had swallowed a pillow, as though it didn't notice anything was different and whatever it was that had made it upset with me was still in force and if it could see me it was going to bark at me as usual. But I couldn't hear it anymore. I couldn't hear the anger, the ferocity, the incessant barking, because now the sound was an incrimination: you did this, you did this, you did this.

And I couldn't undo it. I tried to undo it, but I couldn't. I wasn't even sure how I did it, it had been so long since anything like starting the Datsun had been a thing, but I was sure that I did it, and worse, I was sure that I wouldn't be able to undo it. And that dog lived on for years, longer than any dog they had ever owned. With time it lost interest in me, but whenever I should chance to hear it bark its muffled bark, I would remember: I did that. I did that. I did that.

The dog I had at that time has since passed over, but I see it around still (as do others), so I believe that the dog across the street continues in some similar fashion, and I am hopeful that it will know that when I say I'm sorry, that I truly am.

Because I am. I am truly, so very sorry.

[NANUXII]

“One concrete way in which we all landscape our sanity is by having our experience of reality confirmed by others. When our experience of reality is disconfirmed by others, our confidence in our own sanity can be undermined.” ~Graeme Galton, Forensic Aspects of Dissociative Identity Disorder



An emotional bully will exploit trust at every possible turn. In fact, exploiting trust is their primary method of control. They demand trust without question and then use the victim’s trust against them in order to gain power. They demand absolute trust while simultaneously refusing accountability in terms of proving trustworthiness. They feel obliged to gain every advantage over their victims without providing anything in terms of equity to their targets. If at risk of exposure, and then cornered, the psychologically violent personality will flatly refuse to answer direct questions in which they must admit the truth, sometimes ignoring and redirecting the conversation entirely. Not that redirection, in and of itself is inherently bad. Redirection is often a useful tool for the average non-diabolical personality to steer away from uncomfortable topics. However, for the psychologically violent personality, redirection is a combative tactic. Better stated, they are offended by and refuse to acknowledge inconvenient questions, an utterly diabolical move which exposes the liar without so much as a word of corroboration on the part of the abuser.


http://notyourplaything.com/category...ator-behavior/



I just want to clarify one thing, i was apologising to my friends here on TOT ... not you

An apology with an exception clause isn't an apology it's a justification.

This apology isn't an apology it's a ploy for attention, plain and simple.
You are defending your attacks on me by painting yourself as a defender of women and children. What you are attacking is a story a woman posted about being sexually attacked. You didn't show empathy for the woman, you instead defended the reptilian who raped her. You attacked the women who wrote the story stating she was a liar and you demanded proof stating it didn't happen if there was no proof. I didn't write the story I posted a link to it. I have no idea as to what really happened as I'm just posting a link, but your insensitivity towards the victim and your defense of the perpetrator perplexed me to no end. As did your rabid and continuous attacks against me personally.

So defend reptilians all you want, but please leave me out of it.

Also I think it worth noting that the moderators considered nano's posts to be so offensive they were erased from my Lacerta thread.



When you were in the throes of your manic rant filled with accusations and ridicule there was no mention of defending women or children.

You were strangely enough defending a reptilian named Lacerta and the entire reptilian species by saying I was accusing the reptilian race of the stories I had linked.

I've kept up with this thread since you started it. And I was of the mind to let you do your thing until this last post.
This last post paints you as some white knight championing the rights of the persecuted and that is just not the case.

The lacerta thread I started had you leaving negative writing on my wall, trolling my thread and starting a thread of your own that has been deleted by the mods whose sole purpose was accusing me of being some agent provocature from avalon sent to disrupt this forum.

I have never in the five years I've been on forums been attacked so thoroughly and incomprehensibly.

So no, we are not cool.

[Tonz]

I support you DNA, if you are being accused of being an agent let it be known that it was me who pointed you here...I take responsibility for that.

I'm not sure if it is intentional but I am also triggered by some of the ideas nanoo feels the need to "apologize" for. Besides just deleting posts it would be helpful for moderation to point out when and why they do it (if you don't already, if so I apologize...I try avoiding threads he treads on). If you are going to let him continue this pattern it would be helpful to us to be able to see it. Thanks

I hear what your saying but I for one am so glad that those pages were deleted Donk , believe me you didn't miss much worth taking home , there was another thread a while ago just before malcom departed where i asked for some pages be deleted as it it got to a similar senselessness and was an insult to the person that went to so much trouble to present a great thread that got ripped apart by a few in the absence of the thread owner . They agreed and wiped those pages in honor to a great thread that should never had such immaturity on it . as for the thread you mentioned it certainly put me off , so i could imagine for some of the newbees, what a bad taste that must have been , the pages were clearly wiped for the good intention of the forum in general , no matter who was implicated , for this i do appreciate the mods in this area , as they will only act on extreme situations , as it is not the norm!....I also appreciate the reconsideration effort from nanu , and hope that lessons learnt are learnt well for all , implicated or not . It is up to all of us to keep our best respect on all threads at all times.Even if we disagree at times.

[NANUXII]

I agree with Tonz and i apologise for you getting in my line of fire ... and Donk you didnt miss anything important , just me ranting on , repeating the same question over and over.. i should have used more tact in retrospect.



N

[donk]

I didn't want to read the posts, just wanted to make sure it was clear that there were posts there that needed to be deleted. Not only is that forcing some sort of accountability it gives an indication to other members of what type of poster he is

[NANUXII]

well if this is any consolation , this entire thread i started was an apology for that incident , is that not a declaration that ive made a mistake and man enough to admit it and use my short sightedness for something thats useful ?

[Hermit]

"Certainly, forgiveness does not come spontaneously or naturally to people. Forgiving from the Heart can sometimes be heroic for people....Thanks to the healing power of love, even the most wounded heart can experience the liberating encounter of forgiveness. Real peace is not just a matter of structures and mechanisms. It rests above all on the adoption of a style of human co-existence marked by mutual acceptance and a capacity to forgive from the heart. We all need to be forgiven by others, so we must all be ready to forgive. Asking and granting forgiveness is something profoundly worthy of every one of us."

I often wonder if it is in our natures, rather, that we find conflict and participate it in because we as so unused to the peace of living in accordance with the world? If, as many believe, our DNA was restructured to create this kind of discord and conflict, or if the powers that be want the conflict to exist as a means of control, of spin, or if it simply be a matter of principles above personalities, wouldn't it serve everyone instead to forgive, move on, and if necessary not interact with those who know how to push buttons? I don't know the background here, I don't want to know the background here; I do know it's far easier to pick a fight from behind a computer screen, and just as difficult to man up and own our faults.

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

That's Karma baby. That's Karma.

Forgot to mention. The quote is by St. Pope John Paul II.

[Tribe]

"Certainly, forgiveness does not come spontaneously or naturally to people. Forgiving from the Heart can sometimes be heroic for people....Thanks to the healing power of love, even the most wounded heart can experience the liberating encounter of forgiveness. Real peace is not just a matter of structures and mechanisms. It rests above all on the adoption of a style of human co-existence marked by mutual acceptance and a capacity to forgive from the heart. We all need to be forgiven by others, so we must all be ready to forgive. Asking and granting forgiveness is something profoundly worthy of every one of us."

I often wonder if it is in our natures, rather, that we find conflict and participate it in because we as so unused to the peace of living in accordance with the world? If, as many believe, our DNA was restructured to create this kind of discord and conflict, or if the powers that be want the conflict to exist as a means of control, of spin, or if it simply be a matter of principles above personalities, wouldn't it serve everyone instead to forgive, move on, and if necessary not interact with those who know how to push buttons? I don't know the background here, I don't want to know the background here; I do know it's far easier to pick a fight from behind a computer screen, and just as difficult to man up and own our faults.

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

That's Karma baby. That's Karma.

Forgot to mention. The quote is by St. Pope John Paul II.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
what he said ! spot on Sir !

[DNA]

“One concrete way in which we all landscape our sanity is by having our experience of reality confirmed by others. When our experience of reality is disconfirmed by others, our confidence in our own sanity can be undermined.” ~Graeme Galton, Forensic Aspects of Dissociative Identity Disorder



An emotional bully will exploit trust at every possible turn. In fact, exploiting trust is their primary method of control. They demand trust without question and then use the victim’s trust against them in order to gain power. They demand absolute trust while simultaneously refusing accountability in terms of proving trustworthiness. They feel obliged to gain every advantage over their victims without providing anything in terms of equity to their targets. If at risk of exposure, and then cornered, the psychologically violent personality will flatly refuse to answer direct questions in which they must admit the truth, sometimes ignoring and redirecting the conversation entirely. Not that redirection, in and of itself is inherently bad. Redirection is often a useful tool for the average non-diabolical personality to steer away from uncomfortable topics. However, for the psychologically violent personality, redirection is a combative tactic. Better stated, they are offended by and refuse to acknowledge inconvenient questions, an utterly diabolical move which exposes the liar without so much as a word of corroboration on the part of the abuser.


http://notyourplaything.com/category...ator-behavior/



I just want to clarify one thing, i was apologising to my friends here on TOT ... not you

Folks should read nano's statement here.

[DNA]

I'm not wasting any more time here.
I'm placing NANO on the ignore list, and I suggest for those of the same mind to do the same.

[NANUXII]

http://www.iliketoquote.com/the-firs...-the-happiest/


the first to apologise is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest and the first to forget is the happiest.


love and hugs

Naniu