16th January 2015, 21:22
I'm upset today. I just noticed something in my bathroom that makes no sense. I know I didn't do it and it couldn't have happened by itself.
I have a mesh drain plug for the tub to catch hairs so they don't go down the drain. I keep it outside of the tub on the floor in the corner when I've cleaned it and I'm not using it. I just found it wedged into one of the knobs in the tub. It couldn't have got there by itself and I know I didn't put it there. Things like that have been happening since I moved into my apartment 6 years ago. I live alone and I don't have family nearby. A few years back, somebody stole my air conditioner and one of my parakeets. I have no idea who comes into my house but somebody sure does. I cannot imagine the disappearance of an air conditioner and I'm certainly not imagining what I just discovered in my bathroom an hour ago. Technically, this is the third instance in the past two months where I'm finding things that get my attention.
I live in a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood. In other words, I don't live in the ghetto.
I'm upset because of this but I'm also upset because of isolation and having NOBODY to rely on for support. I'm in total isolation with the exception of the internet. I rarely leave my house and I almost never leave my neighborhood. In the past 3 years I have left this neighborhood not even half a dozen times. I don't drive, I don't work, I don't date. I don't even go to doctor appointments.
So, somebody has certainly been in my house. The hostility is difficult to sit with. This is undoubtedly TI harassment. There is nobody - no organization, no agency - to support people in handling this EVIL. I have developed a very intense and severe hatred toward the United States and, fearlessly so.
The worst part is the hatred and the hostility. The isolation is terrible and awful but the impact and effect of such disturbing harassment and manipulation is absolutely brutal and intolerable. The violation that it is makes me feel extremely violent. I'm physically ill and weak so I have no ability and no capacity to act on such aggressive feelings and energies but I do wish I had my very own army to command! If I could organize my own government, I would.
There is just no way to transmute these brutal, sadistic, torturous feelings that this outrageous invasion produces. It is so difficult for me to feel like the woman that I am, when I really feel like a warrior and a man. Which, of course, makes me even more angry. Talk about total assault on one's entire being!
I feel like a caged animal. I feel like a captive and a prisoner. For the longest time, my apartment felt like a prison but then it became a living grave. However, I still exist and I'm still communicating. Thing is, there are no "authorities" to go to. There is no official investigation and no movement toward Justice. It disgusts me so badly.
What REALLY is the point of targeting somebody and driving them to madness? Why are they so sadistic? What's the real point of it, anyway? Just to provoke me, stir me up and watch me pop off at the mouth (er, fingertips)?
If it isn't sicko human beings, it's incomprehensible space aliens. WTF. I'm tired.
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16th January 2015, 21:34