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Thread: Disturbing Child Abuse

  1. #286
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    I am so touched by this organic sharing and healing...............

    I intend to add to this too......

    Just struggling for the right words at present.

    So for now,

    Much love I send to you all!

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  3. #287
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    I've been following this thread with interest and with all of the jarring emotions that this subject incites. I, too, have been holding back...looking for the right words.

    I haven't participated in the thread up to this point because the subject makes me almost mute. The words just won't come that can express my anger, my deep frustration, and my desire to help in whatever way that I can.

    To see this rampant abuse of children going on in such a large way and among such a huge cross section of those in 'power' makes me feel helpless and depressed. These events may be in Great Britain, but similar things are happening here in the U.S. It's a very sad and telling condition of all of humanity at this point in our 'progress'. As someone has already asked earlier in the thread, what society preys upon its own young ones?

    As a child, I was abused by my stepfather while my alcoholic mother looked the other way and pretended she didn't notice his constant lewdness directed my way. Looking for a way to escape, I told my father, and he didn't believe me. I felt betrayed and abandoned. There was no satanic element involved...just long-term dysfunction.

    Out of it came a very strong survival instinct, creating within me a personality that learned to live with the 'elephant in the living room' that everyone saw but no one acknowledged or talked about...and a very undeveloped ability to choose functional and healthy relationships for myself.

    The children involved in these atrocities will need so much loving care and understanding for a very long time. My issues are all sorted out now, but it took the better part of a lifetime to get to a place where I could even admit the abuse. Then came dealing with it... releasing it... moving on.

    So, I sign the appeals and join the complaints...and I still feel mute and helpless because so much more is needed. I wish I had the power to save and heal all the abused children of this world. And, I do send them healing energy from my own little space on the planet... from my own heart-light ((((((((o))))))))

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  5. #288
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    Thank you for sharing Calabash

    from what i have seen of children in classes , having taught them self defence and having gone through this my self i feel that there is a " type " of way to get the message across without creating fear. I say this because i recall when i talked my way out of these situations , i did it with a confidense and that really snapped them out of it ..

    going further into it a predator is usually trying to gauge the reactions of the child , if they get any idea the child will react in a way that exposes them they are quick to retreat. So in that moment if a child relates and realises and then becomes fearful then that may go against the child as they can become more of a victim. The very best preventative measure is to sence the danger way before you ever get close to it being a dangerous situation , then having the presence of mind to act by carrying out one of a few pre meditated responces.

    the whole method , i feel , cant be presented as hard hitting .. that can cause a child to go the other way .., there are ways to teach them to sence things that dont feel right. Kids have fantastic radar , its already built in , they just need to understand how to negoitiate it and that makes it all the more digestable for them.

    i did create a lot of " Ninja Turtle " games to help children sence and identify " incorrect patterns " in behaviour. It was presented as a game so fear didnt come into it ..

    i hate to draw this similation but i got the idea from a puppy ( weird i know ) there was a puppy dog that hung around one of my classes .. it belonged to one of the parents , it would come up to play but when you went to pat it , it cowered in fear .. it did not have the right response to playfulness because it felt disempowered by the difference in size of a person compared to such a small puppy dog.. so i devised a way for this puppy dog to join in the class , so i trained this dog with the children and taught them how to sence the dogs mood with games.

    i taught them to respect the puppy , to teach it commands and to second guess its responces. this medium was very well accepted and adopted. Its amazing how the children healed the puppy from fear and learned how to respect it. Suffice to say i asked the owners wo participate along with the child that was sometimes poking fun at the puppy at hoime.

    if you are fearful in a situation , it will rob you of your mental clarity and ability to think through the problem or make you react in a hostile manner which can work negatively , most pavlovian responces are to cower when fear hits.. these are hard wired into our mental matrix proportional to our accumulated and inherited DNA matrix. The difference to automatic responces in accumulated and inherited is the intensity and quality of training to oppose incorrect pavlovian responces for particular situations.

    Tactical responces are far better to teach children , or adults for that matter.

    The hard hitting part is saved for physical training however i would not paint the picture of a preditor, i always taught the student not to give the predator any personality and to treat them dispassionately. This really disempowers the predator when they sence the potential victim is not giving a fearful respoinse. Tactically this gives a huge adavntage to the student.

    i can keep going on but as you can see , there is a myriad of ways to help guide our children , education is Key to a better future for all.

    N







    Quote Originally posted by Calabash View Post
    Naniu - thank you for sharing your story with us. My sister suffered abuse by our father's business partner when she was also 9 - and to this day she has never told our parents for fear of upsetting them! (You'd have to know my parents to understand). I didn't experience abuse when I was a child, but I was raped when I was 25. I also kept it to myself. I never spoke about it until I was 50 out of shame and fear of not being believed. I really felt it was my own fault. Even now I’m not comfortable with it and much water has passed under the bridge. And these horrible negative feelings, I suspect, are just a little of what abused children feel. It must take enormous courage for them to come forward, either as children or adults.

    The part of Nanu's post that I've extracted above is (I think) extremely valuable and is a step in the right direction. Children should be educated much better about their own safety. There could be mentoring (with older children) and we need to give them the hard facts without over-elaboration. Children don't really stand a chance against devious adults and so we need to educate them in a way that instils empowerment and not fear. What alarmed me most about the Hampstead children was not their harrowing story so much as what they knew. No child of their age should have knowledge like that.

    http://knowhownonprofit.org/campaign...obbying/whatis

    Shall we?

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  7. #289
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    Bless you and Ditto


    Spiral of light
    So, I sign the appeals and join the complaints...and I still feel mute and helpless because so much more is needed. I wish I had the power to save and heal all the abused children of this world. And, I do send them healing energy from my own little space on the planet... from my own heart-light ((((((((o))))))))

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  9. #290
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    Here's one group of good people from USA making a difference:


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  11. #291
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    Hmm... I tried to post but shortly into writing it I began to dissociate and become depersonalised. Because of that, the bearing of the post is very stilted from a natural human standpoint.

    After doing my best in that condition to explain the pressures working against me (I couldn't talk about them without experiencing this state), I took some time to myself and brought myself "back together". Mostly anyway, I can still feel the lingering sensation.

    I didn't delete the post, but I haven't posted it either. It may be "too strange" for comfort and I could understand that, but I found the experience insightful and learned a lot from it. It seemed illustrative of the damage trauma/abuse can do.

    Now I'm back out of that dissociative/depersonalised state, it seems so weird to read what I wrote in that state. At first, "I" dissociated from my body and then as I went on, I further dissociated from my "personality". At that point there was my body, my personality and an emotionless me, all interacting with the world through a very long tube.

    It revealed a lot to me about the reasons I find it so hard to speak about these things. The dissociated parts explained better than I could, and I can already feel a tugging drawing me backwards through my mind if I try to think about why again. I guess if I shared the reasons, I would have to just paste what those dissociated parts said. I think once I had done that, it wouldn't be impossible to talk about it without dissociating.

    In any case, I think I would now be able to talk about what happened.






    Edit: Bloody hell! I was like that for three and a half hours? I don't know where the time went lol. My original post was started after Spiral of Light's (#287). I didn't realise it had taken me that long to fracture and draw myself back together. Strange experience.
    Last edited by Seikou-Kishi, 19th February 2015 at 01:01.

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  13. #292
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    'cover-up of satanic child abuse in hampstead'; security services involved?

    Not sure if this particular vid has been shown before on TOT. This brother and sister have endured unimaginable abuse and have witnessed horrific things. It seems this abuse is wide spread and getting worse. Its just so hard to believe this really goes on...


    http://aanirfan.blogspot.co.uk/
    Last edited by The One, 19th February 2015 at 11:05. Reason: thread merged

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  15. #293
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    My eyes well with tears of love to see how this thread has organically grown with progressive healing taking place. Thank you to everyone who has had the courage to break their silence and share their story. I know it is not easy to write down such accounts into words; it has taken me over 2 days to just put this post together sharing some of my own childhood abuse. Breaking the silence is so important.

    [Sorry, my post grew larger than originally intended, so splitting this into 2 parts.]

    PART 1: CHILDHOOD

    Physical and emotional abuse began for me around the age of 10 with the introduction of my stepfather while my mother was out working. I told my mother but he would deny it. Months of this continued with rough pushing, shoving, pinned to wall, thick ears, or held in a doorframe while the door was slammed and jarred upon me. By me telling my mother of such accounts, my stepfather convinced her I was a wicked liar and needed the spirit knocked out of me; she would order me to my bedroom and then beat me herself. So I stopped telling. Then my stepfather’s tactics changed, he would secretly beat me, then complained to my mother about my supposed ‘bad behaviour’ (missing out his beating) that would send my mother into blind rages involving fists, kicks and a 2 ½ ft thick wooden spoon that really hurt. If I moved or tried to defend myself the attacks would be harder and last longer.

    I was close to my grandparents who lived just up the road and told them what was happening; they were deeply concerned. But mother kept convincing them I was mentally unstable just wanting attention.

    In reflection in my child’s mind back then, I saw my stepfather as a ‘bully’ and my mother’s rages an after effect consequence of me upsetting my stepfather. I did not recognise my mother’s actions of abuse. Also it wasn’t uncommon in the 70’s for parents to beat their children to ‘correct them’ and at school children were caned to ‘discipline them’ – alas the residues of Edwardian principals regarding ‘children’.

    We lived in a small two up two down house; I was only permitted into the kitchen area or my shared bedroom. Summer holidays only involved my parents and younger sister; I would be packed off to grandparents or church summer camp, I actually loved those times. From aged 13 onwards I was consistently reminded I was not welcome and should find somewhere else to live. The abuse was daily.

    Children often live in a different Time/Space of mind so no sooner was I outside the family environment and with my friends playing, I completely disassociated to the troubles at home – I spent most of my time outside, and made for myself a happy childhood that is filled with fond memories.

    ***

    The family abuse dynamic finally came to a head, I was now 16. Prior to this day, my abuse from each parent was done separately. I had walked out of my hairdressing apprenticeship; an argument ensued resulting in me being violently tossed out, body slamming onto the concrete path…. Next thing I was aware of I was lying on the cold concrete with both parents kicking, hitting and punching me. It was all in slow motion my end, lying there watching the next foot or fist come my way, I felt no pain – it was all so very surreal for a moment watching the pair of them venomously laying into me – shockingly realising they were both as bad as each other. Then I suddenly woke up as if I’d been in a deep dream, and in my head was shouting at myself ‘enough is enough’. Suddenly I am now standing very tall as if I had grown several feet larger as they continued to hit harder now.

    ‘End this now’ was in my head……. I hesitated; I did not want to do what I knew needed to be done to end this nightmare. I allowed a few more punches as I internally debated within myself. Then for the first time in my life I defended myself, it was just one fist punch directed at my mother’s face. The violence instantly stopped stunning my parents for a moment, then adamantly told “never to return again” as they ran inside locking me out.

    I walked to the kitchen window as they quickly closed the window while still continuing to shout abuse and waving their arms for me to “GO!” It was then that I did something that I am not proud of, I guess the shocking betrayal overwhelmed me, in reflection I may have been suffering from concussion too; I wanted to leave a lasting statement of ‘never again’. I made a fist in my hand and began swiftly with one tap at a time, smashing the individual window panes in the kitchen window. (Window was metal framed and single glass). The distant sound of shattering glass was strange to my ears, while my parents with horrified faces looked on shouting I had completely ‘lost it, she’s mad’ and “call the police”. [side note: curiously I had zero glass injuries on my fist].

    As I walked down the garden path to the gate, my mother was chucking out my clothes from the bedroom window…………….. I had really ‘done it’ now, this was final. Guilt and shame was then upon me for punching my mother………… I had just done the most disrespectful act one should never do to one’s mother. I had nowhere to go, as I knew my extended family would only ‘hear’ my mother’s story, and I would be deemed the attacker who went mad and vandalised the window.

    I ran to my boyfriend’s house some 8 miles away. His father kindly drove us back to my mother’s to collect my clothes. Upon arriving policeman were talking to my parents – only then did I start to understand the extent of how much my parent’s would save their own arses. According to them, the only violence had been perpetrated by me; they denied I had been kicked out – ‘I’ was the violent abuser and they wanted me to be arrested. I watch deep into my mother’s eyes as she repeated these whopping lies: I finally saw her true colours. Most of the respect I had for mother died that day.

    The next week was very hard for me; I had nowhere to live and experienced the vulnerability of sleeping on benches and the looonnnng nights, or knocking on a friend’s parent’s door late at night begging for their sofa. Social Services couldn’t help. It’s impossible to get a job without a home address. Thankfully a week later a girl of my age who I did not know was moving into a rat infested, criminal infested bedsit……… at least I now had a roof over my head and was able to get work and survive.

    Then her brother was released from prison that was now sleeping on the floor of our crowded small attic bedroom. One Saturday afternoon he arrived back drunk with his mates and decided it would be fun to gang rape me. They pinned me down on my bed and began ripping my clothes off and punching me as I resisted. All I can say is thank god I was wearing extremely tight jeans, and flashing my eyes with such determination with forceful shouting and kicking; I think they thought I was possessed, so they stopped. Obviously I was deeply shook up, upset and frightened, but the gang joked it off as ‘play fighting’ so the incident was never taken seriously and I had no choice but continue having my roommate’s brother and his friends sleeping on the floor besides my bed. I had to sleep with one eye open so to speak, I never felt safe.

    To make matters worse, this attempted rape shook up my boyfriend, as many of these lads were his childhood friends. Jealousy and suspicion began to infect his mind, he became very possessive and if he had been drinking his mood could change in a flick………… into violent episodes resulting in strangulation to the point of death. This was a regular occurrence. Sober he was the gentlest of men. His father and brother both violently abused their wives to the extent of requiring hospital treatment, my boyfriend abhorred such violence; I often wondered if schizophrenia ran in the family. His mother was so concerned by this violent abuse I was being subjected to, she telephone my grandmother……… none of this was ever discussed with me; violence was a subject no one knew how to deal with so the silence continued.

    To cut this story short to a year later, the last time I saw my boyfriend was when he was in one of his rages, aiming a shot gun towards me and pulled the trigger. He thankfully missed….. But sadly shortly after, he took his own life.

    ***

    As to my external family, I forgave them and kept in touch but relations were distant on my part as I started a new life with hubby and raising a family of our own. The last very violent attack from my mother was when I was 25, while holding my 6 month baby in my arms with my 5 year old watching in horror. That violent act was the final last ‘straw’. It was the last time I ever properly engaged/saw mother. I immediately told my extended family what happened, but my mother by then had spread her poison that I had viciously attacked her; she even scratched and bruised her own face for the lie to stick! They had decided the only way I could stay in the ‘family tribe’ was to apologise for my violent behaviour towards my mother (yeah, that took my breath away too).

    So I walked…………………………and never looked back....

    Walking away from family support was really scary, but in truth the loving support I ‘believed I had’ were all illusions in my mind. In truth I had had to fend for myself since the age of 10, I was on my own.
    Last edited by Breeze, 19th February 2015 at 18:05. Reason: typo spelling corrected

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  17. #294
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    Part 2: HEALING

    Walking away from my family at 25 was the first time I was able to really BREATHE FREELY. Words cannot describe how liberating this was. I was very fortunate to have a loving hubby and too young children…….. they became my life, my joy and inspiration as well as my ongoing spiritual studies.

    Healing takes a long time, there were so many layers to unravel, to fully understand with real-eyes…………..

    The epiphany of healing arrived when I was 33. I had a dear friend who up until her mid 40’s had zero memories of her childhood. We were both studying the same spiritual studies, and part of this was healing our inner child – this is when my friend’s memories started to flood back to her. She remembered her alcoholic parents making her draw pictures on a daily basis and then send her to local neighbours of that town to ‘buy’ the picture. She would then only remember walking back to her parents with the money to hand over. There was something terribly dark under the surface; there was so much ‘missing time’ and that missing time filled her with dark dread.

    Finally the breakthrough occurred……….. her childhood pictures were all an ‘excuse’ - in truth she was being farmed out to paedophiles, that was what happened during the missing time and what the real payment was for. I sat with her as her body shook uncontrollably as these memories returned in waves; I quietly held her in my arms as she wailed with tears. With memories retrieved, it was still too much for her to comprehend and convinced herself these memories had to be false. Finally she plucked up the courage to ask her younger sister what she remembered in their childhood…………… the horror stories were all true, her sister had never forgotten because it had happened to her too.

    To be the best support I could be for my friend, I began to read books on child abuse, this was the first time I had properly looked into the psychological effects of child abuse. Up until this point I knew the term ‘child abuse’ but had never related that term to my own childhood. It was at this point I finally realised I too was a child of physical and emotional abuse. Although my friend’s revelations were far more serious, heinous and traumatic, we both shared the mental blind spots……….. Together we lovingly assisted in each other’s healing process.

    We worked through this over the next year releasing traumas. Then we addressed the shame and guilt we carried upon ourselves that in truth were the projections and criticisms from the abusers. Projections such as ‘selfish’, ‘useless’, ‘evil’, ‘uncaring’, ‘unruly’ etc , was at the root of this deep unworthiness we both felt inside – they were all projections from the abusers to mind control us into silence and break our spirits. Both my friend and I’s nature was always non violent, selflessly helping others, bearing the weight and responsibility of the world upon our shoulders……………….. These were all the consequences of constantly trying to be a better person beyond the criticism that as a child we had taken on board as truth and fact.

    I mention the above because any type of abuse contains so many psychological layers buried deep within that I wouldn’t have known about had I not had the strength and courage to really look at this with real-eyes. Such is a painful process, the cut runs deep……………… yet so liberating and rewarding when one can finally ‘see it’ for what it really is and let it go…………… and let the 'light in', forgive and heal and rightfully becoming the person that reflects one’s true soul & spirit rather than the programs the abusers programmed into us.

    In this incarnation I know many people who have been victims of a variety of abuses, be it physical abuse, care home abuse, rape, to cult/satanic abuse. These people are courageous survivors, many now with families of their own and make sure their own children never have to go through anything like this as they are taught to recognise what is right and wrong. And upon reaching their teens taught how to stay safe and read the signs, listen to their instincts and also have knowledge of self defence as a precaution. In many of these families no subject is a taboo subject, anything can be discussed, everything is ‘open’ – this prevents buried hidden silence. Obviously, depending on the child’s age, the discussion will be customised around their age and innocence. I am very much a person who is an advocate of CHILDHOOD innocence; wonder and curiosity are important stages in one’s life that shapes the future.

    WE ARE THE SURVIVORS! It is so important to remember this.

    Sadly many of our brethren did not make it so far – God Bless all them and may they be in peace now. And to all the many adults today who are still frozen in times back to their childhood abuse, may they find the right support and listening ear that helps them to also heal.

    I rarely share my story of abuse, as I have since moved on in my life. However, what has become clear in this thread, is being silent is not the answer either. If by sharing our accounts assists healing within ourselves and others, it is all purposeful good and moving forward in the right direction to raise greater awareness for those who are just beginning their journey in the gauntlet of life.

    Love & Blessings I send to you all with the deepest respect! :sun:

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  19. #295
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    Blog Talk Radio tomorrow (Friday 20th Feb 2015) will be having a show on Hampstead London Alledged Child Sexual Abuse Scandal

    This Shocking Video Of Alledged abuse in the london borough of Hampstead Children talking about their abusers in graffic detail please be careful if you are a survivor it may trigger things off.

    Call in to speak with the host (347) 677-0812

    This one looks like it is deleted so may not work: LIVE UK CALL 01444 390 270
    Here is the link for details http://www.blogtalkradio.com/freedom...-abuse-scandal

    Added QUESTION: Can anyone tell me what Time Zone blogtalkradio broadcasts at - trying here to work out the "7pm start" for this interview tomorrow. Thank you - X
    Last edited by Breeze, 19th February 2015 at 18:20. Reason: added telephone number amendment

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  21. #296
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    Thank you for sharing your story Breeze.
    I am at a loss for words.

    I am just happy you were fortunate enough to find love and work through it.

    With love
    Eelco
    (who feels blessed for having an ordinary life so far)
    Have a great day today

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  23. #297
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    Quote Originally posted by Eelco View Post
    Thank you for sharing your story Breeze.
    I am at a loss for words.

    I am just happy you were fortunate enough to find love and work through it.

    With love
    Eelco
    (who feels blessed for having an ordinary life so far)
    I'm particularly grateful for this, Eelco. In the post I ended up not posting, just before I began fracturing, I asked if there was anybody hasn't been abused. I don't know if it's the same for others, but I am comforted to hear it. If nobody came through unscathed, what would it mean for my baby cousins? If anything ever happened to them, I would not want to see what I would become.

    I decided not to post the post I had written at the time for a number of reasons. The greatest was it was hard to tell in that state if the post would be within the forum's rules. Another was that I wasn't sure whether I would regret having posted it once I had pulled myself back together. The part "in charge" was this emotionless, matter-of-fact side while my emotional and physical aspects were "outside". It was hard to judge from that perspective what the whole of me would think, if that makes any sense?

    Nevertheless, I said things then that I might not be able to say in this state, so I'm including the post below as a quote (to separate it from all this prepping lol)

    Oy, this thread is so...

    I almost want to ask, completely seriously: is there anybody here who hasn't been abused? It might be nice to hear somebody had a childhood

    I admire the courage of those who have come forward. There seems to be a few more of us hovering around a few issues.

    I ask myself, why do I hesitate? Fear is not my way, and yet as I sit here typing my body is becoming overwhelmed by increasingly severe symptoms of anxiety. It is freezing cold to the touch and boiling hot "from inside", it is trembling and the muscles are spasming. The skin is white and itches. On a mental and emotional level I remain detached and dispassionate (more so — I feel myself dissociating), but the body is racked by a jarring energy. Perhaps from a psychological point of view this post will be of interest, to see a plenum fracturing.

    I said previously that I am not wounded, and I believed it when I said it. Do I still believe it? I think so. I am not wounded, but which I am I talking about? The body is objecting to the thoughts. It feels pain and seeks solace. Oh, the body is an animal, wounded. The body is traumatised and I am not. I think that is correct. I disengage from the body to keep its tauma at a manageable distance.

    I dissociate from the body when I am spiritually enthused to a proportionate degree, but this feels different. Rather than being attracted upwards, it feels more that I am propelled from below.

    The thought occurs: uninvited attempts to "heal" are unwelcome and expressly condemned and rejected; to attempt to heal one contra spontem experience with another undermines the conclusion in the premise. Furthermore, all offers and tenders are preemptively declined with gratitude.

    The aforesaid notwithstanding, it appears the principal concerns inhibiting candid divulgence are not personal:
    • A disinclination to "trigger" others. The way we have been triggered, perhaps.
    • An inability precisely to determine what information is "too much information" and what is within the rules of the forum.
    • There are concerns that are hard to articulate in ways that are delicate in this dissociative/depersonalised state. The personality commonly identifies as homosexual and the abuse was committed by men. The personality regrets an attitude in many heterosexual men that views homosexual men as sources of danger by moving from the assumption of sexual attraction to the further assumption of a contravention of free will. It considers that many heterosexual men consider... they use terms like "shirt lifter" and interjections like "backs to the wall". It does not want to contribute to this prejudice by revealing its own experience, and is not sure it can emphasise clearly enough that the abuse and orientation are unrelated.
    • Another such concern is that in its scant experience of candidness on this topic, it has been met with suspicion and the idea that it must on some level have enjoyed the experience because of its nature. The injustice and illogic of the suspicion grate with the personality.


    Perhaps we did not heal the trauma but boxed it so far away we cobbled together functionality. With each new push it was quarantined in yet more confined quarters, but not healed. This seems accurate. The trauma is of the body primarily and also of the lowest part of the personality. In our progressive dissocation/depersonalisation it seems we have shed those two aspects of ourself and separated them to reach a serene inner self, and we consider ourself together and separately.

    This is an intriguing experience. It is not unpleasant. It is a shield against "unpleasantness". Or a flight from it. Unless there is a forum rule against posting while dissociated, we request that this post be allowed to remain. This is not facetious: there may be no written rule specifically against this but we accept the possibility that with all openness and good will the administrators may be overridingly discomforted by the post and prefer its removal. Unless this removal is considered necessary, it seems useful to leave it as a demonstration of what abuse can do.

    We will have to try to reconcile ourself to ourself and reunite, or we will be unable to contribute on this thread. Time is necessary to reintegrate our shards.
    To anybody who's ever abused somebody:

    I’m so sick of the tension, sick of the hunger
    Sick of you acting like I owe you this
    Find another place to feed your greed
    While I find a place to rest

    I want to be in another place
    I hate when you say you don't understand
    (You'll see it's not meant to be)
    I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
    A place for my head


    — Linkin Park, a Place for my Head

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  25. #298
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    Mabybe this is more appropriate:

    Linkin Park — Easier to Run

    Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKtL3wwwwpA


    It's easier to run
    Replacing this pain with something numb
    It's so much easier to go
    Than face all this pain here all alone

    Something has been taken from deep inside of me
    The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
    Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
    Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

    (If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
    (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
    (If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
    (If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
    (If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
    (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
    (If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
    (I would take all my shame to the grave)

    [Chorus]
    It's easier to run
    Replacing this pain with something numb
    It's so much easier to go
    Than face all this pain here all alone

    Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
    Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
    Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
    And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

    (If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
    (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
    (If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
    (If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
    (If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
    (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
    (If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
    (I would take all my shame to the grave)

    Just washing it aside
    All of the helplessness inside
    Pretending I don't feel misplaced
    It's so much simpler than change

    [Chorus]
    It's easier to run
    Replacing this pain with something numb
    It's so much easier to go
    Than face all this pain here all alone

    It's easier to run
    (If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
    (Retrace every wrong move that I made)
    It's easier to go
    (If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
    (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
    (If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
    (I would take all my shame to the grave)

    Linkin Park are chicken soup for the abused.

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  27. #299
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    To find our inviolate space, a haven becomes our unwitting quest.

    I question, how much of my life is about false comforters.

    To think of a time, a space, that is free..............seems far beyond, some ephemeral place.

    I build my fortress, that I don't really want......

    Why am I here? why are you?

    I feel love for people I never met? They are me, I am them, now I've lost my private space again.

    ������❤️
    Last edited by Ria, 19th February 2015 at 22:33.

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  29. #300
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    our government agencies came up with a fuzzy, easier to stomach term : 'abuse' to replace a fairer denotation which would be 'grose violation of human life or CRIME'.

    i wonder if this offence could go under: human rights abuse legally? anyone know? so to take these cases out of 'family courts' and into 'crimes against human rights court' in den hague?

    i am not a victim but sympathise so strongly

    edit to add

    this is a very hot issue and i don't know why is not classed 'sticky'?
    Last edited by Elbie, 20th February 2015 at 00:31. Reason: edit to add

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