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Thread: Anger Is a Small Thing

  1. #16
    Senior Member Melidae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dreamtimer View Post

    My sister-in-law sees red. Those are the words she uses. I worry about her because sometimes I think she's addicted to her anger. (As she's on the other side of the country, I don't get regularly subjected to it)
    I can see how anger can be a kind of addiction, or at the very least, a habit. Some people have difficulty saying what they feel they need to to someone for whatever reason, and need the impetus of anger to let it out. Eventually, it can become an excuse to say whatever you please to people because 'after all, I was angry'. It can even be used to control others.

    Thank goodness you live so far apart, Dreamtimer.
    "Oh Great Spirit, help me always to speak the truth quietly, to listen with an open mind when others speak, and to remember the peace that may be found in silence." — Cherokee Prayer

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  3. #17
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    Quote Originally posted by Dreamtimer View Post
    Our parents taught us how to deal with anger.

    What he does do, sometimes, is take out his pent up emotions on other people, but not in a professional capacity.
    That's not the most civilized way to deal with one's anger. Because what is being done is still putting it on other people.

    Then, what will these other people do with the anger that was put on them from your dad... They will put it on still more other people. And then they will find still other people to put it on... In this way, it has the potential possibility to become a world problem. Everyone passing their anger to others that are around them.

    The best way, the most civilized way is to express it in a way that will not affect others. For example, take the redneck in the following video. One can easily see how over the top anger that he has. The important thing is that he's not putting it on others. He's expressing in the privacy of his own home. Sure, he made a video about it. But, its more entertainment, rather than actually putting the anger onto others.

    The best part is when he goes into the laundry room.

    Last edited by turiya, 6th November 2018 at 23:21.

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  5. #18
    Super Moderator United States Dreamtimer's Avatar
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    It's a mixed bag, I see family only occasionally. But that's been the way my whole life as we regularly moved back and forth across the country due to my father's work. My husband lives a few states away from most of his family as well.

    My son also lives pretty far away, although only half the country away now. But it's because he's happy and doing well so I can't complain. Work and college seem to bring about moving.

    What I've been doing as regards my brother is just pushing back, meaning calling him out on it and telling him to stop. I think he actually respects that more than when I was gracefully keeping my mouth shut. Ironic, in a way.

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    Quote Originally posted by Dreamtimer View Post
    It's a mixed bag, I see family only occasionally. But that's been the way my whole life as we regularly moved back and forth across the country due to my father's work. My husband lives a few states away from most of his family as well.

    My son also lives pretty far away, although only half the country away now. But it's because he's happy and doing well so I can't complain. Work and college seem to bring about moving.

    What I've been doing as regards my brother is just pushing back, meaning calling him out on it and telling him to stop. I think he actually respects that more than when I was gracefully keeping my mouth shut. Ironic, in a way.
    It sounds like you have learned how to respond?

    I don't have a good family history with anger and for me, anger is not a small thing because it can easily be squelched and IMO becomes enraged. Then only after sufficient build up, the rage is triggered. That at least is my old history. Now I let myself be angry. That makes it no small thing because others don't appreciate anger. However, i have not let that stop me from telling others "I feel (angry) about (whatever). the response is never able to make me more angry (or enraged) and I feel it dissipate when expressed to the source.

    IMO the emotions that get shut down are the issue>

    Glad to see how others handle the "red zone". yeah, if anger is a color, it is red for me too.

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  9. #20
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    I really don't see red like I've heard described. But I will react to great unfairness or injustice.

    My husband recently made the mistake, in a moment of self-pity, of saying that nobody has his back. I've had his back like no one else and he got a very strong reaction from me. The kind very few have ever seen or heard from me. He apologized and said that he was wrong and should've been more careful.


    My sister-in-law just lays into people, often for things they aren't responsible for. It's not a good thing. I certainly push back when she does that.

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    Cathartic Therapy
    Remember. It is allowing oneself to vent the anger in a creative way, rather than targeting, and putting it onto another living being. This includes animals, and pets. Pet abuse is also against the law in many countries.


    Expressing anger, and other emotions is very important. Preventing oneself from naturally doing so, and the energy will still find another way to express itself. Instead of expressing the energy outwardly, it will move inwardly. In other words, when energy is prevented from being expressed naturally, it will still find a way of moving towards being expressed. If not done naturally, the energy will move in a perverted form. The energy can move in a self-destructive & perverted form. And that perverted form will also turn on the innocence of others.

    Just take a look at all the Catholic priests that have been accused of child abuse & molestation. The idea that one is more closer to God if they abstain from their sexual urges has all backfired on those that are (literally) 'hell bent' on entering heaven by abstaining from the natural urges of engaging in sex. The energy accumulates over time, and a kind of monster grows within, the control mechanism loosens, and the nefarious / perverted act goes after the innocence found within young women & children.

    It goes to prove.... Fighting with Mother Nature is very much a losing proposition. One is only fooling themselves if they think they know better.




    There were so many people that were upset with the way the 2016 election took. Trump won. Many people were wildly upset.

    Many had the right idea about what to do with their pent-up emotions. And that was to find a way to release it. Like a steam cooker. The pressure has to be released. Otherwise the pot will explode under the pressure. Many on the losing side gathered together to scream into the night sky. This is the civilized approach, the energy is thrown into sky, and not on anybody in particular. Its thrown out of oneself, and onto nobody. Just up in the air - there is no one that is the target in the expression of it. Its simply a healthy cathartic exercise. Its a self-cleaning exercise, to cleanse oneself of the emotions that they themselves have created the situation in which they manifest in & are responsible for.

    Understanding this. It is the key. Otherwise, holding onto the energy, burying the energy inside of oneself, allowing it to build up an unsustainable pressure, it will have the potential to cause a great amount of damage. Not only to oneself, but to many, many others.

    Now, the following is the civilized way of dealing with one's anger. Although the news media outlets, and those that are recording these events, are degrading the actions that are being filmed. This has to change. Rather, it should be viewed as one of the best venues to use in moving the energy out of oneself. So that self-health is maintained.

    And of course, above any else, if these expressions of pent-up emotions, basically caused by the frustration of desires not being fulfilled, if the practice of expressing emotions were moved into a private venue, as a means of being a cathartic therapy (as a health practice), then there would be no one (from the outside) there to view the exercise being performed. Hence, there would be no one there that would criticize somebody for maintaining their own mental & physical health. Health care industry can easily provide such a facility whereby such therapeutic work can be done - in a private venue.

    I don't agree with the criticism that is being done to mock these people. It is an exercise in moving emotional energies as therapy. A day will come when this will be more accepted by civilized societies. Today, most societies are really not truly civilized.

    Last edited by turiya, 7th November 2018 at 00:32.

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  13. #22
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    Quote Originally posted by Dreamtimer View Post
    I really don't see red like I've heard described.
    I would just like to interject something on account of this "seeing red". I have personally never experienced that, but I believe there may be a physiological factor involved with that, quite possibly of a genetically predisposed neurological order.

    I haven't properly researched this, but the "seeing red" could be the result of a contraction of facial blood vessels. This then naturally increases the presence of blood in other areas of the head, including the eye, thereby overlaying the image that the eye perceives with a translucent red veil because of the localized increase in blood pressure. Some people turn white as a sheet when they're angry, and they may or may not exhibit a tremor.

    For well over a decade already, I have personally been forced to deal with the borderline personality disorder of a dear friend of mine. She has severe mood swings — themselves probably instigated by an additional affliction with bipolar disorder — and when she's in "that zone", then she immediately turns vicious and says the nastiest of things, not unlike the experience recounted by Melidae higher up the thread.

    The outburst then also turns into psychosis, and then she starts seeing things that aren't there, as well as making false allegations, completely twisting the facts around, and putting herself in a victim role. My friend knows that she does this, and afterwards, she will remember everything, but in the moment itself, she cannot control it. It is stronger than her will.

    I have also seen other people flip over from a completely laid-back mood to vicious rage in — literally — the blink of an eye. I saw a former friend of mine do that in response to something his father said rather innocently. I have seen that same former friend also react in similar ways toward other people, including my then-girlfriend and then eventually even toward myself.

    So I do believe that there may be a physiological/neurological factor involved on account of the lack of anger management in certain people. Psychosis itself is also far more prevalent among humans than commonly believed, but most people are never diagnosed as such.

    You always have to keep in mind that a diagnosis of any kind is generally only cast when there is an observable and repeating problem, or when the individual in question is under treatment for something that may be entirely unrelated. An example which lies still fresh in memory, is that our dear friend Brook — bless her soul — only found out that she had stage 4 lung cancer when she was admitted to hospital because of a heart attack.

    That said, anger itself doesn't (have to) come from any physiological sources. The physiology in the above-described situations is only a catalyst in how well or how poorly any given individual can control, funnel or otherwise manage their anger. It doesn't have anything to do with people's deliberate choice to funnel their anger onto the first person to cross their path, or onto animals, or onto inanimate objects. Or perhaps they choose to cultivate their anger until they feel it is the right time to strategically direct it at someone or something that they already had a strong dislike for earlier. The latter for instance is one of the traits — not the only trait, but one of them anyway — of the typical schoolyard/workplace bully.

    From the sociological and psychological vantage, anger is certainly an interesting phenomenon. And we all have to deal with it at some point, if not as transmitter, then as a receiver or as a witness.
    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dreamtimer View Post
    Turiya is a dude, NAP.
    I work with a couple of guys that are huuuge fans of 'The Office' Their response to almost everything is...drumroll please...

    "That's what she said!" ...
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    Senior Member Melidae's Avatar
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    Thank goodness I didn't start seeing things after, like your friend, Aragorn. But I do agree with your post above.

    I was the only one in my family with anger issues. Turns out it was due to being denied emotional release when I was ill as a young child...in and out of hospitals from 3-1/2 to 15 years of age. If I was anything other than 'happy', it would 'make others feels bad'. The build-up of unreleased emotions would grow until, when angry, it would burst forth in full bright red color...the spewing forth of the venom of years of pent-up anger would give me an weird sense of both relief and shame. I think the 'red-outs' were a part of breaking through that dam of false belief that so deeply ingrained.

    Facing the truth, knowing where it came from and why gave me a new sense of self and the ability to channel emotional energy in positive directions.
    "Oh Great Spirit, help me always to speak the truth quietly, to listen with an open mind when others speak, and to remember the peace that may be found in silence." — Cherokee Prayer

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    Late to the game but,

    about the only time I get angry is when I'm in a relationship. that's why I stay out of them. I'm so much happier alone. After my daughter was born there was really no reason to pursue misery. But, my daughter is growing up and moving away. It is sad for me...makes me almost wish I had somebody to relate to in an intellectual way. I've always wanted that but unfortunately have never even been close, sexual attraction always took precedence, that and a huge amount of personal dysfunction.

    Even in exteme anger the only thing I ever wanted was reason, reasonableness...that's pretty much it. To vent is like having a bad tooth pulled...What a relief, naw, not even that. If there really was a resolution to anger there would be no anger. The only solution that is feasible is to disengage and who can do that?

    I really feel for the families of those victims in California. Just last night my daughter and I had a conversation on college life and personal safety. I reassured her that if she lives a low risk life style she will be pretty safe. She said flying bullets are flying bullets and whether or not someone is an intended victim they suffer just the same. She said it was ironic that she knows how to use a gun but wouldn't buy one, even though she knew she could easily. She remarked that a crazy woman is as bad as a crazy guy that can buy a weapon without any resistance. She's thinking about a stun gun, which a number of her friends have purchased AND a big dog. I've prayed that she would never feel unsafe.
    Last edited by NotAPretender, 9th November 2018 at 01:14.
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    Quote Originally posted by NotAPretender View Post
    Late to the game but,

    about the only time I get angry is when I'm in a relationship. that's why I stay out of them. I'm so much happier alone. After my daughter was born there was really no reason to pursue misery. But, my daughter is growing up and moving away. It is sad for me...makes me almost wish I had somebody to relate to in an intellectual way. I've always wanted that but unfortunately have never even been close, sexual attraction always took precedence, that and a huge amount of personal dysfunction.

    Even in exteme anger the only thing I ever wanted was reason, reasonableness...that's pretty much it. To vent is like having a bad tooth pulled...What a relief, naw, not even that. If there really was a resolution to anger there would be no anger. The only solution that is feasible is to disengage and who can do that?

    I really feel for the families of those victims in California. Just last night my daughter and I had a conversation on college life and personal safety. I reassured her that if she lives a low risk life style she will be pretty safe. She said flying bullets are flying bullets and whether or not someone is an intended victim they suffer just the same. She said it was ironic that she knows how to use a gun but wouldn't buy one, even though she knew she could easily. She remarked that a crazy woman is as bad as a crazy guy that can buy a weapon without any resistance. She's thinking about a stun gun, which a number of her friends have purchased AND a big dog. I've prayed that she would never feel unsafe.
    It is a big thing (if anger is a small thing) to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. I think we let our gaurd down in personal relationship and the hardest task is living with others IMO. I had a strange experience with a man whom I still scratch my head over. I cannot tell if he is a psychopath or saint. He could trigger absolute rage because frankly, he was an absolutely impossible person FOR ME. I tried all kinds of process to be reasonable. Then something would just be like the "thin mint" and I'd have enough trigger to blow. This would push him out of my space. I was glad.

    Really I am glad to be unattached but I know what you mean. I like the idea of love and community with like minded people.

    I liked talking to this man. He liked talking about common interests and intellectual connection is great. I wonder if people who are spiritual seekers may act like narcissists and actually when people are self (even SELF) preoccupied they can be failures in daily life with simple life tasks. When you become involved with people, it is heroic to get along. He did not try IMO.

    I certainly don't want to live with a personality disordered bunch. That is why i think I must do inner work.

    All this to say, I have never felt rage like that kind outside of a releationship where I felt I was feeling desperate crazy crazy helpless out of control.. No fault to be in it but still impossible to contain. Appropriate anger communicates boundaries I think? If someone is in our space, boundaries get mixed up and tricky.
    Last edited by Maggie, 9th November 2018 at 02:03.

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    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    Amen to that Maggie...it's a long boring and as you say, very tricky question...
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    Super Moderator United States Dreamtimer's Avatar
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    It's been really hard for me in life to stand up for myself. Learning to do that was a good thing. I would have much pent up anger due to people taking advantage or some such. After some years of speaking up and standing up for myself people have stopped the things they were doing. And I get angry less.

    Some people will just walk all over you until you make them stop.

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    very true and some people simply will not stop...bad sitiyation....
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    Quote Originally posted by Dreamtimer View Post
    It's been really hard for me in life to stand up for myself. Learning to do that was a good thing. I would have much pent up anger due to people taking advantage or some such. After some years of speaking up and standing up for myself people have stopped the things they were doing. And I get angry less.

    Some people will just walk all over you until you make them stop.
    Without wanting to sound too sexist, I do think this is an issue women in particular struggle with, especially when it comes to dealing with men and it is worse in some cultures than others. Women in Western countries are quite good at standing up for themselves, in other places they're just being walked over by men all the time.

    Japan would be a prime example of a modern, advanced, industrial society with medieval attitudes towards women, which can be absolutely shocking to an outsider. Young women are actually escaping the country in droves because they can't live with the stifling, highly restrictive social norms.

    As for some Islamic societies, medieval attitudes would actually be an improvement compared to what they currently have. You can find pictures of what Afghanistan was like in the seventies for instance. Or Iran, or Egypt. Women walked around uncovered, went to beaches wearing bikinis, that kind of thing. Try that now and you're dead.


    This regression in social norms is depicted very well in the book and TV series, The Handmaid's Tale. Although it is set in a fictionalised post-collapse USA, this actually already happened in the likes of Iran and Afghanistan and that's what the book is largely based on. I personally don't think that a Christian society could ever be as oppressive towards women as what is depicted in the show.

    Let's hope nobody tries to prove me wrong on that. Certainly, Ireland made a good run for it in previous decades with the omnipotence of the Church, as have Spain, Portugal and other catholic-fascist dictatorships, chiefly in Latin America.

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