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Thread: Humour thread

  1. #76
    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    I'm just a dopo American but when I first saw the restaurant, 'Fukim'...I literally was afraid to say the name...
    "We are one thought away from changing the world!"

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  3. #77
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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    Typecasting

    I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.



    Monkeying Around

    Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.



    Have You Really?

    Q: What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
    A: “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”



    Generation Gap

    Q: What do you call it when you have your mom’s mom on speed dial?
    A: Instagram.



    Computer Clubbing

    Q: How does a computer get drunk?
    A: It takes screenshots.



    Tweetment Needed

    Patient: "Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter!"
    Doctor: "I’m so sorry, I don’t follow."



    What’s the Gig Deal?

    Have you heard of that new band "1023 Megabytes"? They’re pretty good, but they don’t have a gig just yet.



    Humor On (Power)Point

    Person 1: "Do you know how to use Outlook?"
    Person 2: "As a matter of fact, I Excel at it."
    Person 1: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
    Person 2: "Word."



    Computer Commute

    Q: Why did the computer show up at work late?
    A: It had a hard drive.



    Texting your doctor

    "Hey Dr. Park, this is Matt from the vascular lab. I have an outpatient here with an external iliac occlusion with cold foot pin and numbness that started 3…"



    Texts from Mom

    Mom: "How make chicken"
    Daughter: "What?"
    Mom: "Where buy chicken"
    Daughter: "Mom, this isn’t Google."
    Mom: "Avocado"



    Not again, autocorrect!

    Autocorrect has become my worst enema.



    Fishy text

    Person 1: “I feel like carp today.”
    Person 2: “Yeah, you look a little fishy.”



    Hungary text

    “I am hungary.”
    “Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
    “I’m russian to the kitchen. Is there any turkey?”
    “We have some, but it’s covered in greece.”
    “Ew, there’s norway I’d…



    Talk is (not) cheap

    Anyone who thinks “talk is cheap" obviously didn’t pay my daughter’s last mobile phone bill!



    Check before you send

    The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.



    No kidding

    Q: What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around?
    A: Dead Siri-ous



    Getting into contact

    Q: Why was the cell phone wearing glasses?
    A: It lost its contacts.



    Repeat That, Mate?

    "If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2."

    (Recording on an Australian tax help line)



    Your Work E-mail is What?

    "I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malware@company.com."
    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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  5. #78
    Super Moderator United States Dreamtimer's Avatar
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    Gawd, that's hilarious, Aragorn. I'm literally crowing with laughter!

    (The bird and the list)

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  7. #79
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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  9. #80
    Super Moderator Norway Elen's Avatar
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    Absolutely!!!
    Whatever is true. Whatever is noble. Whatever is right. Whatever is lovely. Whatever is admirable. Anything of excellence and worthy of praise. Dwell on these things. Jesus Christ (I agree)

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  11. #81
    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    well, at least not for awhile... likely the last one through was the 3:10 to Yuma...
    "We are one thought away from changing the world!"

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  13. #82
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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  15. #83
    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    I had a weird dream and that post reminded me of it.

    A cat, my cat was grabbing fish out of an aquarium and eathing them. I watched in horror the cat kill, eviscerate the fish and the fish was literally begging for its life during the process, with its eyes, they were bugging out and pleading as 'hands held out' in a ask for mercy...yeah, that's f*cking weird...

    I told my cat not to do that anymore and, of course, he ignored me so I started planning a way to protect the fish...

    Is there anyway this post could be considered humour?
    "We are one thought away from changing the world!"

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  17. #84
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by NotAPretender View Post
    I had a weird dream and that post reminded me of it.

    A cat, my cat was grabbing fish out of an aquarium and eathing them. I watched in horror the cat kill, eviscerate the fish and the fish was literally begging for its life during the process, with its eyes, they were bugging out and pleading as 'hands held out' in a ask for mercy...yeah, that's f*cking weird...

    I told my cat not to do that anymore and, of course, he ignored me so I started planning a way to protect the fish...

    Is there anyway this post could be considered humour?
    Um, no.
    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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  19. #85
    Super Moderator Norway Elen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by NotAPretender View Post

    Is there anyway this post could be considered humour?
    That was horror, NAP. So kind of you to look after the little ones, though.
    Whatever is true. Whatever is noble. Whatever is right. Whatever is lovely. Whatever is admirable. Anything of excellence and worthy of praise. Dwell on these things. Jesus Christ (I agree)

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  21. #86
    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    How about this then...Ok, I'll stop...

    "We are one thought away from changing the world!"

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  23. #87
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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  25. #88
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  27. #89
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    Quite timely with the where you're REALLY from question becoming ever more sinister. Also, an excellent dig at Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson.


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  29. #90
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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