Humour thread

[Emil El Zapato]

well Malisa is Russian I believe, it is why I asked. Not funny I suppose but Amerikansky's has a good and familiar ring...and typical of 'ethnic' humor so fitting. The obsession will end soon enough, in fact, I'm already tiring hearing about our new President. That's not to say, I won't keep a watchful eye.

[Emil El Zapato]

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbpibPm7AVE

[Lord Sidious]

you're right about that Malisa, what's worse, Amerikansky's don't even know the definitions of the words.

Which makes me curious about something, how do you 'feel' about such things. I've worked with many Russian folks most often when I was in the manned space program (software engineer) and they are perfectly good people, so I'm not biased in that regard towards any people actually. Though, I've had a few run-ins with Nigerian friends but that is more personal than philosophical.

So what say you?

Not so much humour, but is Russian for sure..............

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cz2fwQYfv98

[Emil El Zapato]

no doubt about it ... interesting sound for sure ... those things are big ...

[Lord Sidious]

no doubt about it ... interesting sound for sure ... those things are big ...

Very good band, but imagine singing anti nuke songs during the 80's inside the ussr!

[Dreamtimer]

I can't.

[Wind]

[Emil El Zapato]

lol, I can attest to the Catholic sh*t...

[Dreamtimer]

Print that out, cut it up, and play match game.

[Aragorn]

A LETTER FROM THE PALACE OF HER SOVEREIGN MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH II OF THE UNITED KINGDOM AND THE BRITISH COMMONWEALTH


TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA


"In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, and Utah, which she does not fancy).

Our new Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

• The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

• Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize.'

• July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

• You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

• Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

• All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

• The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

• You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

• The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

• Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

• You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

• Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

• You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

• An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

• Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen!"

[Emil El Zapato]

I vote aye!

This song is an homage to Queen Uriel one of the founders of The Unarius Academy Of Science.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1TUQ1cJY0k

[Dreamtimer]

"Sore winners rarely make good losers."

-Seth Meyers, A Closer Look

Lol. So true.

[Dreamtimer]

Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

I like the Space Sister song.

[Octopus Garden]

"Critics of early steam-spewing locomotives, for example, thought “that women’s bodies were not designed to go at 50 miles an hour,” and worried that “[female passengers’] uteruses would fly out of [their] bodies as they were accelerated to that speed”—which, for the record, they did and will not.* Others suspected that any human body might simply melt at high speeds."

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/...eruses-fly-out

Life before Qanon!

[Octopus Garden]

Oh Wind, I love that World Religions piece. Super clever, very inspired.

Speaking of different spiritual approaches:

F*k that, an Honest Meditation:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92i5m3tV5XY