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Thread: Humour thread

  1. #1531
    Senior Member Morocco modwiz's Avatar
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    A cluster of one-liners. I liked it.
    "To learn who rules over you simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize" -- Voltaire

    "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."-- Eleanor Roosevelt

    "Misery loves company. Wisdom has to look for it." -- Anonymous

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    Quote Originally posted by modwiz View Post
    A cluster of one-liners. I liked it.
    I cannot say I came up with it myself, though. We stoles it from a couple of Orcses, Preciousss.
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    I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

    Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

    What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
    One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

    Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
    One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?”
    The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

    Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
    There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.

    What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.

    I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

    Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
    I don't know and don't really care.

    I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

    Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
    Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.

    I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

    Need an ark? I Noah guy.

    Sleeping comes so naturally to me. I could do it with my eyes closed.

    What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A thesaurus.

    You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

    I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.

    Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.

    What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?
    Well, the flag is a big plus.

    Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
    He was lucky it was a soft drink.

    To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero.
    Thanks for nothing!

    Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
    Dad: "No sun."












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    "Let's not be too tough on our own ignorance. It's the thing that makes America great. If America weren't incomparably ignorant, how could we have tolerated the last eight years?"

    -- Frank Zappa, Feb 1, 1989
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    Air travel is really wonderful: breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil...

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    Senior Member Lord Sidious's Avatar
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    Someone doesn't like the ex pm

    Ní siocháin go saoirse

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