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Thread: Humour thread

  1. #316
    Senior Member Hungary
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    Just wanted to post this video from my Sister's facebook page.

    She and my Brother-In-Law run a horse ranch near the Austrian-Hungarian border, just outside town. They do horse riding camps for kiddies in the summer and watching all those happy kiddies, horsies, doggies and other assorted animals never fails to put a smile on my face:

    https://www.facebook.com/koncz.nikol...1585974964951/

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  3. #317
    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    Hey that's cool, Chris, my daughter is taking a 'English' riding lesson today...she's done the Western thing...

    Kids are so cute...
    "A large infusion of cash will cure most forms of fanatacism" - Thumbnail Biographies

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  5. #318
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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    How to give your cat a pill


    1. Pick cat up and cradle it in your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore loud growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with it's head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10.Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie cat's front paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.


    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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  7. #319
    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    hilarious...these directions are screwed though...the 1st step under all circumstances should be to don battle gear...serious...
    "A large infusion of cash will cure most forms of fanatacism" - Thumbnail Biographies

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  9. #320
    Super Moderator Wind's Avatar
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    In America you have the right to bear arms, but in Soviet Russia you have the right to arm bears.


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  11. #321
    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    Holy Sheeit!
    "A large infusion of cash will cure most forms of fanatacism" - Thumbnail Biographies

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  13. #322
    Senior Member Canada
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    Portlandia--ordering a meal in Portland, Oregon. LOL


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  15. #323
    Super Moderator United States Dreamtimer's Avatar
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    It reminds me a bit of people talking about the terroir of their wine. I'm not sure if that word is still in vogue.

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  17. #324
    Senior Member Russian Federation Malisa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Wind View Post
    In America you have the right to bear arms, but in Soviet Russia you have the right to arm bears.

    That's a very brave bear, riding along with those Russian guys :P LOL

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  19. #325
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Dreamtimer View Post
    It reminds me a bit of people talking about the terroir of their wine. I'm not sure if that word is still in vogue.
    All humor aside, the (perhaps strange) reaction I felt was when they mentioned the chicken's name. If an animal has a name ─ or at least, a name known to myself ─ then I cannot eat it. I love meat, but I can only eat it if I can remain detached from the identity of the animal in question.
    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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  21. #326
    Super Moderator United States Dreamtimer's Avatar
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    Indeed. I've heard farmers say, "You don't name the animals you're going to slaughter".


    I think the President was trying to use photo-sharpie again...


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  23. #327
    Super Moderator Wind's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Malisa View Post
    That's a very brave bear, riding along with those Russian guys :P LOL
    "Title should have been “Bear survived an encounter with russian man”


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  25. #328
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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    The explanation you've all been waiting for...


    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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  27. #329
    Senior Member NotAPretender's Avatar
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    I think that bear has an identity crisis...he thinks he's a cat...

    Quote Originally posted by Aragorn View Post
    The explanation you've all been waiting for...


    that's pretty close...excellent job...
    "A large infusion of cash will cure most forms of fanatacism" - Thumbnail Biographies

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  29. #330
    Super Moderator Wind's Avatar
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    Brought to you by a moonshiner.

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