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Thread: When Waves Collide

  1. #151
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    Quote Originally posted by Shadowself View Post
    Good morning,

    Sorry to share the bad news here. Who knows....it may turn around ...again I'm hoping...
    Not speaking (for the sake of others) is loving and not necessary HERE. Getting it down on paper is not going to jinx your chances either. I am saying to myself as I witness your experience that I love you, I am sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you. Please keep sharing and I will keep my divine prayer going 24/7.

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  3. #152
    Senior Member Fred Steeves's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Shadowself View Post
    ...and speaking of hope...it's starting to run low right now. I'm still fighting...but this is getting serious. Options are running low and I'm hoping the frequencies I've been getting take hold really soon!
    Now Brook, you listen to me and you listen good!

    Get whatever crying needs done to clear the emotions, then get back up on the horse, and put your game face on again. I haven't heard any fat ladies singing yet.

    In the science and art of transformation (and I think you know this), "miracles" can come from anywhere, at any time. Consider yourself now walking through the timeless span of infinite possibility. Doctors can be wrong, they can make mistakes, and they can also see things along the line of their careers that they will never be able to medically explain away.

    Trust the 4 Winds, ride them and see where they take you.


    P.S. I think your cat will be okay.
    The unexamined life is not worth living.

    Socrates

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  5. #153
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    ditto fred!!!

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  7. #154
    In Memoriam Shadowself's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Fred Steeves View Post
    Now Brook, you listen to me and you listen good!

    Get whatever crying needs done to clear the emotions, then get back up on the horse, and put your game face on again. I haven't heard any fat ladies singing yet.

    In the science and art of transformation (and I think you know this), "miracles" can come from anywhere, at any time. Consider yourself now walking through the timeless span of infinite possibility. Doctors can be wrong, they can make mistakes, and they can also see things along the line of their careers that they will never be able to medically explain away.

    Trust the 4 Winds, ride them and see where they take you.


    P.S. I think your cat will be okay.
    Thanks Fred I needed that!

    Man did I put up a fight today. At around 6 PM it started and started big time. I was in so much pain I again was one step to the emergency room again. My liver is getting bad with pain. I cannot get hold of palliative care and if I call the hospital they will tell me to come in and I already know what is going to happen.

    I'll deal with this all tomorrow as I know it needs attending. But in the meantime the pain was killing me again. I took the two pills like they said but this time in three hours....it didn't work. So I took a half. It felt a little better but then again three hours later it all came back and stronger this time. So I took the 2 and a half....it did not work so about 40 minute later I took another half. That worked. So it seems I need three pills to kill the pain....until I can get hold of them tomorrow. My next round time will be three period! I'm not having any trouble with the three and I checked and they do make this pill in 30 mgs. So I figured it's probably okay until tomorrow.

    Finally I'm pain free. Lionhawk made me some chicken and dumplings which helped me feel better too.

    Cat is still gone but I will hold out for hope.

    ~

    Maggie,

    I needed that love charge bomb... it got me moving in the right direction...looking for what might help and what to do when the liver starts to get painful. Love from me Maggie!

    I'm also not going to stress on this as I can always get a second opinion right?! I did some reading and 48% of patients that take opdivo have these symptoms....that includes the rash and allergic reaction. I saw only 3% of that 48% are completely taken off the opdivo!

    Now I've been strong enough to handle the worst chemo...I think I can handle this! Besides I'm wondering if they even took into consideration that I had that accumulative reaction from the last chemo? It was a different nurse and I'll bet she did not even see that! That could be the reason I've had this reaction in the first place!

    So most important is I'm finally pain free for the time being which was horrible once again. I read up on the liver too and there are things they can do about that as well until my body adjusts.

    Thanks for being there once again guys and gals. God do I feel so much better not being in pain! I'm going to stay up long enough to take that next round then set my alarm for the next timing and try to get some much needed rest because this has had me going all day long!

    ps; the reason I did not go to the emergency room is once they have you captive...it's hard to get away and to another doctor for a second opinion if I need it and I may very well need it.
    Last edited by Shadowself, 1st October 2018 at 02:29.

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  9. #155
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Shadowself View Post
    I did some reading and 48% of patients that take opdivo have these symptoms....that includes the rash and allergic reaction. I saw only 3% of that 48% are completely taken off the opdivo!
    Nobody said it was going to be easy, my friend. Opdivo is still experimental, which means that side effects won't have been neutralized just yet. It's going to be a very rough road, indeed.

    At the same time, those numbers are hopeful. It means that they won't be taking you off the Opdivo so soon, and that you may be able to carry on with this most hopeful method of treatment. The success rates of Opdivo treatment are overwhelming, compared to traditional chemotherapy and/or radiation.

    Quote Originally posted by Shadowself View Post
    Now I've been strong enough to handle the worst chemo...I think I can handle this!
    Exactly, sweetie. If there's anyone who can do it, then it's you. You're a fighter, you're a winner, and you're nobody's fool.

    You can beat this sucker and blast it out of the spacetime continuum. All hands to battle stations. Shields up, torpedoes loaded and phasers at maximum. Make it so.

    Use the Force, Brook. Beat it, you will. Strong you are. Not your zodiac sign, cancer is.



    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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  11. #156
    Administrator Aragorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Aragorn View Post
    The success rates of Opdivo treatment are overwhelming, compared to traditional chemotherapy and/or radiation.
    Speaking of which, the guys who came up with employing the immune system for destroying cancer have just won the Nobel Prize for medicine.
    = DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR =

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  13. #157
    In Memoriam Shadowself's Avatar
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    Quote Originally posted by Aragorn View Post
    Speaking of which, the guys who came up with employing the immune system for destroying cancer have just won the Nobel Prize for medicine.
    That's pretty cool eh! The first nurse that was educating me on it said when this stuff kicks in it's like a tornado and I would agree.

    I think again, the effects of the last chemo is in play here. I was starting to have some higher pain levels before I got the opdivo. While I was starting to get somewhat better, I was still under the influence of the chemo when I took the opdivo. I think it was the combination of the two that struck me so hard.

    Now i just have to convince the staff and doctor of that when I go in Tuesday.

    I will say this pain I'm having now is far greater than anything so far. It's really affected my liver. But you might recall in the scan I posted that it stated I had too many tumors (while small) all over my liver, and too many to count. Now if they are being attacked by my immune system I can full well understand why I might be in that kind of severe pain. btw...that is no exaggeration...last night I could not sit, stand move or be still or even lay down without stabbing pain in that area and I could even feel my liver slightly protruding past my rib cage last night which might be from swelling...I just don't know.

    That is the reason they would have admitted me last night and I was not down for that just yet. I also read up on the options available when that happens and I'm not quite sure that is deemed necessary. I mean let's face it....how many times have hospitals done surgeries that were not always necessary eh? When other options are available but one is more costly and easier. It happens all the time and I don't quite think I want them cutting off parts of my liver just yet...hoping it will grow back. I swear I read that and flipped once again! There is also a procedure that works with heat that may be effective and far more worth the try than cutting on my liver.

    I'm not showing any signs of cirrhosis yet so while I have that going for me I think seeking better options is far more ideal in this case. Given again (I know I keep saying this but believe it) that this may stem from the chemo abundance I was having still in my system.

    I think the problem stems from that doctors office being far too busy and steps get missed. Leaving much of the transferred information not being as complete as it should. I know the doctor is good...but he relies far too much on the nurse practitioners to advise him of the information I share and that is the best way to get that information "second hand"...and when that happens we all know things are not always relayed in a precise manner. They are relayed as the nurse practitioner understands what she think she remembers me saying as to my conditions related to her.

    It's like the old adage of spreading rumors and the story always changes and get different every time someone relays it right?

    I will not think twice if I need to change to a different doctor if I have to just so I can feel like they are actually listening to what I'm saying. After all it's my body and my illness, while the disease is pretty straight forward...everybody is different and their own immune response is as variable as the amount of stars in the sky!

    So I forgot to reset my alarm at 4:30 this morning after I took my meds and had some of that chicken dumpling soup Lionhawk made to keep me from getting a sick stomach...and woke up a half hour too late to twinges of pain. I took the three pills immediately and so far it seems to be warding off the severe pain. My liver is still protruding a bit past my lower right rib so I need get hold of them this morning. I have a slight headache and took some inhaler along with the ativan to relax my anxiety...thanks Kathy for bringing this to my attention.

    I will first call the palliative care and let them know I started to take three pills starting yesterday evening.

    Lionhawk and I spent a part of yesterday both crying so I let him know as I cannot keep this from him and while he is an empath, he can also tell when the pain resides some and we both felt better when it was pretty much gone last night. We ate the chicken and dumpling soup and finally had some relief.

    Andy cannot "feel" Sasha and he's been all over the yard and woods there. There was this large pot that was knocked over and it had to be something pretty big that knocked it over because it was heavy and full of packed dirt for later planting use. I have a feeling she got attacked by something bigger than her is gone. We cannot feel her anywhere. We've seen some strange dogs running around and perhaps she got attacked. Unfortunately I think she is gone. That is one thing I cannot change...sometimes nature has its ways...this may be one of them. I'm sure going to miss her. We are going to take one more good look at the fields in the back and see if we can find any evidence of foul play. I'm just sad and heartbroken because She and Buster were such good friend even when she was a wee little one.

    I'm going to leave a video I made of her when she was a tiny kitten and Buster and she would play. They even slept in his bed together that was usually filled with play toys. Buster died three days after I got out of the hospital when I had the heart attack from old age.

    this is how I will remember them together. Youtube removed the sound of the first song I had on the radio because it was blocked or some such thing. I think sould comes on later as it's not a song that is blocked...either way you can see they loved to play when they were together.
    Last edited by Shadowself, 1st October 2018 at 12:32.

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  15. #158
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    You're such a fighter, Brook. I really admire it. Hang in there. Your grandson is a beauty. You're so lucky to have Lionheart there for you.

    I'm glad to hear the pain is under control again. I understand avoiding the hospital.

    We're all pulling for you. I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty. I hope you find out what happened.

    Blessings and love to you.

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  17. #159
    In Memoriam Shadowself's Avatar
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    Just got off the phone with the palliative care and they are going to get with the person in charge of giving me the scripts...they are going to put me on some kind of "extended pill" that carries over with another kind of pill for in between...whatever that means.

    I let her know about the three pills working but that they only last for sometimes 3 1/2 hours sometimes and anything over four hours starts the pain up again. If I can maintain the day without any further pain I will just wait till tomorrow to discuss all this with the doctor.

    Whoa...what a weekend!

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  19. #160
    In Memoriam Shadowself's Avatar
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    Hahaha!

    Baby zitiman is thinking about his teddy bear nose man bun! lol

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    Last edited by Shadowself, 1st October 2018 at 17:08.

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  21. #161
    In Memoriam Shadowself's Avatar
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    Well...I found out what happened to sasha....My neighbor just wrote this to me on FB as she saw the pictures and and stuff about the cat missing....here is what she wrote:

    Brook Ed and Kaylee sitting on the back porch about I meant to go early one Saturday morning and Ed said they seen a Bobcat walk back there at the edge of our yard back there at the Garden said that walk down through there and I know for about 2 weeks Isaiah would not go outside after dark by his self Ed said something probably scared him it could have been that Bobcat
    RIP my cuddle bug:


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  23. #162
    Senior Member Fred Steeves's Avatar
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    Brook, I'm so sorry to hear that. He was a fine looking cat. I especially like the look in his eye in that second picture.

    I really thought he was going to be okay, damnit when it rains it pours huh? Much love out to you.
    The unexamined life is not worth living.

    Socrates

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    Bobcat. Wow. So sorry. RIP beautiful kitty. Hope you're feeling a bit better, Brook. Looking forward to an update.

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    Good morning,

    Well after a good cry...again....shoot! That is what you call nature in progress. If you're going to live in the country (city girl here) things like this are somewhat expected. I personally thought it might have been a copperhead as we've seen a couple come out of the woods there and of course Sasha would want to catch it....Loinhawk would save her from a fate that would have been inevitable. He'd catch the snake and take it deep back into the woods far behind us. Personally I would have killed it but that is Lionhawk's thing to leave nature be so to speak and carry on in your own space.

    Since the tornado we had last year the deep wooded area not far from here has a mass of tangled fallen trees ready to be hauled away I suspect the bobcat came from that area as there are all kinds of things in those woods....wild turkeys and plenty of deer. Good place for a bobcat to hang out unless the big dozers are towing away what was left of the forest.

    Well yesterday I held out hope because I thought she's a rather petite cat and was probably the runt of the litter and why someone dropped her off in the neighborhood where she came up to buster with no fear and wrapped around his legs a few times while Lionhawk and I watched on. She was not afraid of him and he just looked at the cat as in "what is this?" because he had never seen a cat before. Especially such a small one.

    It was the dead of winter and snow was called for in that week as we watched on. We went into the house after watching Buster and the kitten meeting each other then shut the door. The kitten decided to scratch on the door and that was it. It was too cold for that little tiny kitten to survive and I had no idea if it lived here and belonged to anybody so I put out some flyers. But no response. I figured someone because of the size just got rid of her and dropped her off. Upon better look I noticed she was obviously out on her own for quite some time as she was very skinny and had what looked to be an infection in her eye. So I took her to the vet and they gave her some medicine for her eyes, dewormed her and that meant she was officially ours. I should actually say she was officially Buster's. He loved that cat! And she would sleep with him at night in that tiny little bed with all his toys along with.

    They grew up best buds. She was more like a dog than a cat in many ways. She would come when you called her. She scratched on the door to be let out and in...and the strangest thing of all...she used the toilet! The only thing she used a litter box for was to poop....then one day she just decided to not use it anymore and scratched to go out to do her business. When she had to pee at night she used the toilet...I found this out one night quite by accident, as I got up to use the bathroom and turned on the light and the toilet was occupied by Sasha!

    When Buster died last December right after I got out of the hospital from my heart attack from old age. He actually lives a much longer life than most Bulldogs as they have a very short lifespan...he lasted to be almost 10 years old and for English Bulldogs that is a longer than normal lifespan. Well when he was gone Sasha has noticed I was not well and until her departure this last week pretty much would not leave my side. She would cuddle with me like a dog.

    Yesterday I had a thought that perhaps....just perhaps someone noticed that she was a main coon cat (which is a rather valuable cat:sometimes sold for 1000 dollars as a purebred cat) and looking so petite someone might figure that she was pretty young...they might steal her to sell her as she was quite an attractive cat as well. Heck they could sell her as a rescue up to 300 dollars! So I figured I would put out flyers again for her and list her as a service cat for my illness, with the hope they might have some sympathy and return the cat if that is indeed what happened.

    That is when I got the message from the neighbor next door about the bobcat. Now we had noticed a large potted planter full of fresh soil for planting knocked over and she of course was too small to knock it over. So we both figured something large enough to knock it over had been on the porch and perhaps scared or toted her away. But If this is a bobcat she's not going to get too far away as the trees would have been her first attempt. And a bobcat is just as savvy as a main coon or any other kind of cat. This alone would have caught her off guard and of course the bobcat would have won out in the end.

    No folks she is a victim of nature and the effects of nature taking down one spot and leaving the residents of said forest to find another spot to live and thrive.

    Lionhawk and I both went out and scanned the area several times but could not sense her anywhere. Lionhawk is going to go in the area that Ed our neighbor said he saw it and see if he can find any trace of what might be left of her to bury next to Buster. I would at least like to do that for her as they grew up together and deserve to lay down together for they had a long life together in animal terms an it would just be nice for them to rest together.

    Boy am I going to miss her. I keep thinking I'm hearing her but it's phantom hearing and sighting from the corner of my eyes....wishful thinking or is she still hanging around? I don't know I just know we loved the heck out of those guys and will miss them very much.

    All I've got left to say is I'm going to miss her very much!

    Love and hugs guys for hanging with me through these tough times. I'm better now as at least I've been able to get some closure.

    Thank you for listening to me and supporting me through this BS time I'm going through.

    Last edited by Shadowself, 2nd October 2018 at 13:13.

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    I saw my dog out of the corner of my eye after he died. My most recent dog to pass away has come in dreams since, seemingly to meet the new dog, and she approved. In the most recent one she looked exactly like the new dog, which I took as a good sign.

    My friend who lives just by the river has sliding glass doors on some of her bedrooms. Her daughter looked out her door one day and saw a bobcat. They looked each other in the eye and then it walked off.

    Our cat was chased out of the woods by a fox which was right on its tail. The fox was surprised by our dog who happened to be on the other side of the tree that the cat climbed up. It was quite a spectacle. The dog was over 50 lbs and chased the fox at top speed back into the woods.

    That was the same cat that would catch and kill wild bunnies one by one. He could practically climb up the side of the house!

    We have actually had black snakes climb up the side of the house as well as squirrels, mice, and birds will cling. Especially wrens.


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