Kundalini Awakening, Chakras, Enlightenment, Heaven and related matters.

[Chris]

that's the definition of marriages founded in romantic love...the human animal simply cannot sustain it...when it fades people continue to remain married but live essentially separate lives. Honestly, that would work fine with me...alas, women initiate 75%+ of divorces because it seems it doesn't work for them. You see, in the U.S. anyway, fairy tales have killed all commonsense regarding...ewww...love.

I just don’t see why sustaining a marriage, that isn’t working any more, is worthwhile. I have several examples in my own extended family and it doesn’t benefit anyone, and that includes the children. Marriage for life may have made sense in ancient and medieval times, when people didn’t live much beyond their teens, but it is completely different now, when the person you marry at age 20 is likely to live into their eighties. Who wants to stay with the same person for 60 years? F that!

It’s another matter that divorce proceedings in English Common Law countries are manifestly unfair and are basically designed to enrich lawyers, usually at the expense of the husband. This is not the case in most of the rest of the world, it is often the wife that will draw the short straw when it comes to divorce, so they have a very strong incentive to stay married. Perhaps that is the reason divorce rates are much lower in these countries (though not in Hungary or Russia, where they are very high, just like in the US), but I think it has more to do with levels of religiousness and traditional morals.

My mother for instance, a Polish Catholic, never even considered divorcing my father, despite the fact he treated her pretty badly and there has been no love between them for at least the last 20 years. That is when they started living in separate bedrooms and I’m pretty sure there has been no intimacy between them whatsoever since that time. Yeah, they stayed together, who knows why, but it certainly wasn’t out of love for each other.

[Dreamtimer]

For the sake of adding another perspective, I have family members who have been married for decades. Happily. My aunt and uncle were married sixty-something years, still held hands, and still loved each other dearly.

My Dad's wife parents were married for 67 years and loved each other until the day they died.

We have many friends our age who have been married for a couple decades now and are still happy, having fun together, and in love.

Many find a new phase of life after their children have grown to start a new hobby or travel together and have a lot of fun together.

There is actually almost no divorce in my family.

My parents did argue a lot, and they loved each other dearly.

I've known my husband for thirty years. I've been married to him for twenty-six. We still have passion, we still have love, we still have fun together.

And both of us still advance spiritually.

Just sayin'

[Chris]

For the sake of adding another perspective, I have family members who have been married for decades. Happily. My aunt and uncle were married sixty-something years, still held hands, and still loved each other dearly.

My Dad's wife parents were married for 67 years and loved each other until the day they died.

We have many friends our age who have been married for a couple decades now and are still happy, having fun together, and in love.

Many find a new phase of life after their children have grown to start a new hobby or travel together and have a lot of fun together.

There is actually almost no divorce in my family.

My parents did argue a lot, and they loved each other dearly.

I've known my husband for thirty years. I've been married to him for twenty-six. We still have passion, we still have love, we still have fun together.

And both of us still advance spiritually.

Just sayin'

Of course, if it works, by all means, stay together. Divorce is hardly an ideal situation. All I'm saying is that if it doesn't work, there is no point in forcing people to stay in an unhappy, or in some cases, abusive marriage. In both Ireland and Poland, divorce was legalised only in 1997, due to the influence of the Catholic Church. It led to a lot of people suffering in loveless, even abusive marriages. Also, because contraception (even condoms) were illegal, and abortion still is, shotgun marriages at an early age were the norm. I don't think you're really mature enough to choose a mate for life when you're 16. Just sayin'...

[Dreamtimer]

Abusive marriages are bad in and of themselves as well as potentially leading to the children having their own abusive marriages. Ultimately, it was those very reasons that led to divorce being accepted.

The challenge is to not bag out the first time things get tough. And in marriage they can get really tough. And will more than once. It takes a lot of spiritual strength to maintain and/or repair a marriage.

[Elen]

I knew you would have a thing or two to say about the subject, Dreamtimer...AND I am pleased that you did. There is more than one solution to this.

[Aragorn]

Marriage for life may have made sense in ancient and medieval times, when people didn’t live much beyond their teens, but it is completely different now, when the person you marry at age 20 is likely to live into their eighties. Who wants to stay with the same person for 60 years? F that!

As a hopeless romantic, I strongly object to such a cynical vantage.

It’s another matter that divorce proceedings in English Common Law countries are manifestly unfair and are basically designed to enrich lawyers, usually at the expense of the husband. This is not the case in most of the rest of the world, it is often the wife that will draw the short straw when it comes to divorce, so they have a very strong incentive to stay married.

	"First God created Man. Then Man started complaining, and so God created the Devil, to stop Man from blaming everything on Him. Then the Devil looked around and saw Man complaining, and then he in turn created lawyers, so that Man wouldn't blame everything on him either." (Jay Leno - "The Tonight Show")

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For the sake of adding another perspective, I have family members who have been married for decades. Happily. My aunt and uncle were married sixty-something years, still held hands, and still loved each other dearly.

My Dad's wife parents were married for 67 years and loved each other until the day they died.

I've seen the same thing within my own family as well, in the maternal branch of my family, and among the members of my parents' generation and older. In fact, in a few cases, the love between these couples was so strong that when the one partner died, the other one would soon follow out of sheer grief.

There have been a few divorces in my family, but not all that many.

• My dad's eldest brother was married to my mom's cousin. My mom's cousin was actually in love with another man — who himself also dearly loved her — but her father forced her to marry my dad's elder brother, given that he was a well-respected man with a good job. And they've tried to make it work, but eventually their marriage broke down when my dad's elder brother started an extramarital affair. The man whom my mom's cousin had been in love with never got married and died at a still fairly young age.

• My dad's younger brother was a no-good who knocked up his girlfriend when she was only 16. So he married her and they had four children together before he left her again for another woman — and he has had many in his lifetime. His ex-wife got remarried later and had two more children with her new husband, but sadly enough for her, that man later went insane and had to be locked up.

• The wife of a male cousin of my mom's suffered from depression. Her husband — my mom's cousin — then started an extramarital affair with a coworker, and they got divorced.

• My brother's wife was a manipulative, emotionally immature, selfish, whimsical, unbelievably finicky, greedy, opportunistic and materialistic bitch who cheated on him with a coworker — who himself was cheating on his own girlfriend with her — for well over two years. Eventually she left my brother, but she waited until her apartment was fully ready for settling in before telling my brother anything and leaving him. He did however already long suspect that she was having an affair with that guy — whom she has married in the meantime — and there are rumors that she had already had another affair with yet another coworker earlier.
  
  My brother received the papers announcing the official finalizing of the divorce on the exact day that he and his now ex-wife would have been married twenty years. She then went on to try and sue him over the house — to which she had no legal claim, as that house was already his before they got married — and other financial matters. She's always greedy for money, because she has a habit of always spending more than she has, and on things she doesn't actually need. (She is afflicted with an extreme degree of ADHD, and she will not rest before her whims have been satisfied.)

[Wind]

You may consider me the old fashioned type, but for me marriage would be an extremely serious arrangement. Unless you absolutely know that you want to spend the rest of your days with someone until death do part you, do not get married. I certainly know that I wouldn't. I think that in modern society marriages aren't taken seriously at all and people don't even really have the slightest idea what real love and commitment means. Desires, attraction and instant gratification are the things which are steering people in their choises when it comes to romantic relationships and I think it's quite sad.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rc_NNjV0s1o

[Dreamtimer]

I'm definitely not pushing my son to get married. People are starting to ask because he's approaching that age. He's the kind to be monogamous. It's his nature. And he's been in a relationship for some years already.

I don't expect it will happen very soon, but I do expect marriage to be in the not terribly distant future. After the next career steps are made.

[Emil El Zapato]

I just don’t see why sustaining a marriage, that isn’t working any more, is worthwhile. I have several examples in my own extended family and it doesn’t benefit anyone, and that includes the children. Marriage for life may have made sense in ancient and medieval times, when people didn’t live much beyond their teens, but it is completely different now, when the person you marry at age 20 is likely to live into their eighties. Who wants to stay with the same person for 60 years? F that!

It’s another matter that divorce proceedings in English Common Law countries are manifestly unfair and are basically designed to enrich lawyers, usually at the expense of the husband. This is not the case in most of the rest of the world, it is often the wife that will draw the short straw when it comes to divorce, so they have a very strong incentive to stay married. Perhaps that is the reason divorce rates are much lower in these countries (though not in Hungary or Russia, where they are very high, just like in the US), but I think it has more to do with levels of religiousness and traditional morals.

My mother for instance, a Polish Catholic, never even considered divorcing my father, despite the fact he treated her pretty badly and there has been no love between them for at least the last 20 years. That is when they started living in separate bedrooms and I’m pretty sure there has been no intimacy between them whatsoever since that time. Yeah, they stayed together, who knows why, but it certainly wasn’t out of love for each other.

depends on the definition of working, though...short of open warfare, one has a working relationship...and it works for the children...perhaps not optimal but what in our experience of child rearing is actually optimal.

not to discount your experience, but everyone needs a place to live...my step-mother and father hated each other for 50 years...and fought and bitched every day of it...now that was not conducive of anything good...but they still had each other's back in crises. I hated the situation but my dad had been deeply in love with my mother (and they had monumental battles) (I was adopted) when she died when he was about 33, he remained single for 10 years. I was glad that he found someone to love/hate. The valuable lessons that I learned from that relationship and my own are that it was all pretty much of a sham. It works for some people, and fails for many also.

[Dreamtimer]

True feelings aren't a sham. Marriages continue for myriad reasons. Love is one. The origin of marriage is more about business/trade/alliances, but we humans are developing and growing and understanding the power of love.

I always taught my son that the most powerful thing in the world is love. It's still true.

[Emil El Zapato]

True feelings aren't a sham. Marriages continue for myriad reasons. Love is one. The origin of marriage is more about business/trade/alliances, but we humans are developing and growing and understanding the power of love.

I always taught my son that the most powerful thing in the world is love. It's still true.

that's cool, Dreamtimer...I taught my daughter that the most important thing was self-respect...sort of like Aretha...

Love is wonderful, sometimes painful, but always something to thank God for...romantic love...jeez, I don't know, I just can't get into it... . I do worry about my daughter in that at times she seems stone cold...boyfriends, it seems she can take them or leave them...I don't know if she gets that from me or her mother...I think her mother

[Dreamtimer]

You gotta love yourself to have self-respect. Dontcha think?

[Emil El Zapato]

I rectum sore... my ex is the best example of self-absorption...

[Wind]

My older brother got his third child with his fiancee today and they've been together for 15 years now, they got engaged some years ago, his partner proposed. Marriage doesn't even seem to be on the horizon yet so it can work that way too. Maybe not every woman might appreciate that and they would want to make it more official, but I'm sure that every couple has their way that might work. Marriage is just the ultimate deal and you should know what you're getting into. Love is a beautiful thing though and deep, lasting bonds between two people are something very special.

[Chris]

All this talk about love, marriage, children, what to to teach them and how, and how these are the same or different in various cultures, reminded me of this scene in Citizen Khan, a BBC comedy show about a British Muslim family. Mr Khan is trying to do "the talk" with his daughter, but fails hilariously...
A muslim ex-girlfriend of mine once painted a pretty funny picture of how his dad had "the talk" with her in a very similar manner, so I really like this scene.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN4HUwsp1cw