Leelas and Rants

[Dreamtimer]

Hope I didn't interrupt the flow. Nice exchange.

[Maggie]

Hope I didn't interrupt the flow. Nice exchange.

Thanks for your contribution! All of this discussion has been awesome for me to digest. Much appreciation!

[enjoy being]

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[Dreamtimer]

I definitely go hermit at home. I'm fine if the phone doesn't ring and I don't talk to anyone most of the day. But I will get stir crazy and I do need to go out and party. As in celebrate with people and laugh and have fun.

It's not easy to be both hermit and sociable.

[enjoy being]

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[enjoy being]

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[enjoy being]

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[Elen]

Multiple energies clouding the path. Some are about gaining vantage and separation. Some are about others and their attachments. And within the others there are multiple energies which appear to be one thing but are another.

There is a rule of thumb with compassion. It can turn to pity being the first consideration. But the essence is that the person of which draws in your pity has made attachments to energies which they themselves must deal with. The energies wish to stay with those people and the appearance of an angelic helper is of course not what they wish, so they will attempt a number of different things. They will defend their turf of what is a form of possession. They will do so by trying to muddy energies and cause linkages to the compassionate spirit who is not aware of that dynamic. Sometimes they will aim to eventually jump off the original host and attach to the healer. The affected will indeed be healed via transference.
Transference is a very common aspect of these energies and yet it can go unlabelled even when it becomes obvious when its name is uttered.
"Come share my load, partake in my misery". It is not always something that they are aware of doing, the parasitic energy will not let them remove those energies by earthing themselves, for that would be death to it, they are really wanting to not be disturbed and will anger at the out reached hand of help, but if the envelope is pushed the healer will be attacked in an attempt to neutralise or as said, multiply.

These scenarios are tricky to centre yourself in and you will be bound to be tripped up here and there. When surrounded by people holding unresolved contracts with these energies, the energies can be more aware of you than you may be of them in their entirety, and they will be trying to compromise your power. Sometimes they see a person who holds compassion to help, as a catalyst to create conditions in which to feed, so this can be another reason for the seeming desire to be tricky.

I enjoy the wisdom that seems to come through you enjoy being. Very good advice.

[Dreamtimer]

I see zesty truth orange people...

[enjoy being]

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[Emil El Zapato]

Sincerely I expect that each of us is travelling asingular path as part of One great energetic swirl. I am having such a hard time tonight reconciling this seeming fact with what to do about that with my people in my life. how to feel happy with whatever they choose IF I feel involved.

Most of the time I would rather be alone because being a person relating, being with people who feel so different to me, then all sorts of contrasts feel awful.

I have known a woman named Linda since the late 80's.We were not close close hanging out and never saw one another even for years. Then we came back together and I have spent more time with her lately. I do not understand her in many ways. She seems to be a magical person in someways and a complete Muggle in others. That is a judgement I know. I wish I did not have these judgements but I do feel rejecting of stuff people choose.

One big fact is that she has body issues that lead her back again and again to being in pain and seeming to feel desperate. What I would have call a cold,she experienced as a terrible infection and was on antibiotics earlier in the year. I knew that I cannot convince her and have tried to focus where we meet happily. I do want to support her and I want community where we cooperate and she wants that too.

Late Saturday she sent a desperate text saying she was in terrible leg pain making her cry and unable to walk and did I have anything that might help? I said nothing but the offer of massage. That wasn't what she wanted.

Sunday she was still texting about her terrible pain and that she had cried all night. I had done some research and found out about wild lettuce. I have prickly lettuce in my yard and that is serriola versus the best another variety but still a very mild sedative and narcotic. I made some tea and took it to her... maybe it could help. While there she allowed me to do some touch and it was clear her pain was muscle spasm causing nerve related pain down her leg. She said the touch helped a little. I don't know if she drank any tea. But it was clear that she would need the chiropractor.

I did agree to help with transportation because she first wanted to see the MD. Today she saw the MD who gave her some kind of injections. The MD validated she would get help with chiripractic. The one Linda sees was contacted and was kind of booked. But the THING is she already had decided she is too tired today and wanted to go home and see him tomorrow. I think he would have worked her in if she wanted really to see him today.

MY PROBLEM is that this triggered rage in me towards Linda. The rage seems to be about WHY WOULD SOMEONE BE TOO TIRED TO NOT PURSUE WHAT MIGHT HELP. How can someone not seek that which might really help? That is a big general general trigger for me on all fronts.

Seeing the chiropractor today AS WELL as TOMORROW seemed the one possible move that might be healing versus masking pain. She may have a hamstring issue causing the left leg issue. She has spasm in right buttock muscles and I think she was favoring the left side while doing something she does not recall and is unbalanced. I think this because the right leg where she has a knee replacement is swollen all along the leg which shows me it needed favoring when she was injured.

I could not contain my angry reaction and I told her I was pissed about her waiting to see the chiropractor considering how desperate she had been over the weekend.

I did not say but observed I am reminded me of a pattern for her of what seems almost a preference for catastrophe.

I do not want to be involved with this episode and I don't like the pattern. If she wants to do anything, that is fine. My rage is about being witness. I know I am not in control of her. I don't want to control what she does but I don't want to be involved.

It seems that I have a low tolerance for everything except what I like.

Maybe that is Awful of me. I wish I did not feel she wants to pull me in. I feel I am standing near deliberate lack of self regard for what could actually help for a reason she has that is scary?

It feels like this theme is about not really wanting to be well and strong. That is OK if I am not a part of the scene. How CAN I be OK with having friends I see as not aligned with what is important to me and asking me to observe it. I want to feel love and peace and feel strife.It is my problem and it really hurts.

I so wish I could release the old rage of parents who were not on my wave length and the feeling of being helpless embroiled in their mess. In the past I Often thought I saw the way out of the situations others created but they wanted me to agree with their picture. It enrages me and I still feel unable to just let others be and have contact with their seeming self imposed suffering.

Hi Maggie,

that's a tough one...consider that your feelings are ok...my ex is like your friend. she learned from her mother how to be sick but not how to think herself better. I had a long conversation with her today listening to a litany of literally unbelievable maladies that she has...she's 52. I listened patiently and told her that she must absolutely get her mind right if she wants to come through all this. I'm not sure she really knows how or even wants to...it is part of her bigger plan of which she always has one. She just said 'yes, I know' and I repeated, "no, listen, you have to get your mind right"

It's bad enough that she was 'short circuited' by her mother, but I fear if she doesn't learn the lessons she needs before it is too late, that she will pass this on to my daughter.

Epigenetics has plainly scientifically justified the belief that what one's mother's attitude about health and wellbeing is is more important than genetics.

So feel your feelings with patience and understanding thrown in...Take deep breaths, count to ten, scream, destroy electronic devices, it all helps...

[Emil El Zapato]

If you read the last post,this is what i want to say to the people in my life.

Dear Linda,
You are my sister. I feel tenderness for your welfare, I'd like to be intimate with you on a soul level, play with projects on a physical level and love one another so we feelcomfort emotionally. I see myself as an empath. I can feel what others are feeling and if I am close to someone as a freind, I feel stuff but cannot always tell WHO feels it? I have researched empaths and there is a down side to feeling a lot of everything. Pain is a part of human life. One may be tempted as an empath to try to fix pain in others so we can be comfortable. I see empathy and codependence as fellow travellers. That is a long and un-needed explanation.

I am tempted to want to avoid intimacy because as long as I can be "objective", I am more comfortable.

For instance I felt rage today and it was wanting to land on your decisons that you have every right to make. The rage is like all rage in my sinew. I can imagine it was there when born as I have always felt strength from anger and self defensive with it. Anger is a fellow traveller to empathy too. Anger undigetsted like when we have child hood unresolved anger gets enraging. I apologize for not being able to manage my rage. It just was choosing an opportunity. I forgive myself reluctantly as it seems wrong.

It was wrong but I am not wrong.

I do know that what I know about certain better actions being usefiul for resolving issues. Problem solving is enhanced by empathy. Empathy lets us feel a whole scene.We can feel what others feel so can sense what might "help"? But maybe finding the solutions are not my business?

People don't need to be told anything about themselves to learn. But what is frustrating for me in a friendshipis the feeling of someonepulling me into their worldview because of the way they feel? Maybe there is "worry" rather than assurance. Anything offered is not going to assuage the deep worry.

I will use my own example. I am talking about pain that is mine which comes out as migraines. I still have migraines but I reason with myself about what that means. Yes, I take imetrx because it works. I am not saying people should not take medicines. BUT I don't worry about them. I do what I do with them and go to bed. They last as long as they last. Seems like a purge as afterwards I am feeling very well,better than ever. All symptoms of anything are assuaged by my assurance that I am aself healing being.

You mentioned that you worry about my migraines and think I should see what is going on...like with scans etc. I deflected that statement as I perceive it as un-necessary. But IF I was feeling worried, and IF I sought help and you had a solution, I'd be willing to be supported. But I also note that other people handle their pain differently where there is both a complaint and a seeming inability to expand solutions well.

My biggest problem is that I no longer have faith in the allopathic "solution". Unfortunately every where I look I see it in my face that others are still believers (but often very disapointed). I think we are being persuaded to feel weak and needy and frail. I have faith we are strong and wellness in all areas IS what is natural. We can balance and heal and our own energy is VERY READILY connected to Divine energy which is inexhaustable.

For migraine dissolution I am doing more neck work, posture and chiropractic adjustment AND emotional work. I want to be close but my emotions can get very prickly. I especially have a fear of getting suckered. One aspect of that is needing to set boundaries still with friends. Their discomfort transmits and I feel it. Rather than be codependent thinking I need to join with them (and be joined in my unresolved stuff), I am seeking to dissolve my pain AND MY need to make others feel better so i will feel better.

My rage is not your problem and yet, I get triggered by feeling helpless yet somehow responsible. I have never felt helpless with my pain and suffering but can feel it when I feel others in a close relationship.

Until such time as I am no longer triggered, I may need to stay out of scenes such as when a friend is in the medical mode. I can easily hang out and help build a deck or whatever project is happening. I can listen to people talk without an issue. But what I cannot do is be depended on to be of any use when a friend needs a nurse. That role is too close to the rage zone. I identify this no man land and am seeking to clean it up but its a debris field. I don't know if you use hooponopono but I do so I am sorry Divine (in you), Please forgive me, I love you, Thank you.

Migraines...I"m fortunate, I have migraines of which I only very recently found the official diagnoses name for...I've never even mentioned it to any doctor...I hate doctors... Ocular Migraines...if anyone is going to be cursed with Migraines, those are the one to get. My ex has migraines so, of course, the genetic probability that my daughter would are about 99% and she does....

[Maggie]

Hi Maggie,

that's a tough one...consider that your feelings are ok...my ex is like your friend. she learned from her mother how to be sick but not how to think herself better. I had a long conversation with her today listening to a litany of literally unbelievable maladies that she has...she's 52. I listened patiently and told her that she must absolutely get her mind right if she wants to come through all this. I'm not sure she really knows how or even wants to...it is part of her bigger plan of which she always has one. She just said 'yes, I know' and I repeated, "no, listen, you have to get your mind right"

It's bad enough that she was 'short circuited' by her mother, but I fear if she doesn't learn the lessons she needs before it is too late, that she will pass this on to my daughter.

Epigenetics has plainly scientifically justified the belief that what one's mother's attitude about health and wellbeing is is more important than genetics.

So feel your feelings with patience and understanding thrown in...Take deep breaths, count to ten, scream, destroy electronic devices, it all helps...

I know that there is much research about epigenetics and I have seen how our mind will figure in health and also in illness.

How you are able to reasonably hear out your ex's angst is amazing to me. You must breathe a lot alot. I don't want to replace electronic devices so maybe scream in a pillow is good and take long walks and do the heavy breathing. But am I mean and sadistic because I'd prefer to scream at the ones who trigger me? I'd like to shake them and rant and rave but that does no good. Leads to guilty feelings. That is NOT my plan.

Today I heard from a mutual acquaintance that my friend Linda who figures in my tale fell off a ladder yesterday and may need a knee replacement? At least that is what she told this acquaintance. The suspicion I hold is that be cause my friend was justifying her inability to drive the acquaintance's car to West Virginia for her (a plan that no longer suited her) she either did fall off a ladder (and what business did she have on a ladder YESTERDAY?) OR she is lying because she cannot just say no. Either way, she is in a mess IMO. Lying is sending a terrible message to her self. Getting on ladders after having a weekend she described to me is dang foolish. Actually I hope she is lying because a knee injury is serious and she has no health insurance.

Either way I am flummoxed over Linda's actions. I don't feel like pursuing this friendship though there are many great characteristics between us. I am wishing to be a good friend and I just do not enjoy drama. I do like supporting others but dislike care taking. I have decided to retreat and re-enter my hermitage where at least I feel centered. I will continue my own work and stay socially isolated as I like that peace. I am lucky and happy personally by myself. I wish SO MUCH that all be happy and free of suffering! What I can do to participate without feeling overwhelmed and angry about how people behave is a serious issue today. I realize there is a huge judgemental aspect of my personae and it needs healing.

[Emil El Zapato]

I know that there is much research about epigenetics and I have seen how our mind will figure in health and also in illness.

How you are able to reasonably hear out your ex's angst is amazing to me. You must breathe a lot alot. I don't want to replace electronic devices so maybe scream in a pillow is good and take long walks and do the heavy breathing. But am I mean and sadistic because I'd prefer to scream at the ones who trigger me? I'd like to shake them and rant and rave but that does no good. Leads to guilty feelings. That is NOT my plan.

Today I heard from a mutual acquaintance that my friend Linda who figures in my tale fell off a ladder yesterday and may need a knee replacement? At least that is what she told this acquaintance. The suspicion I hold is that be cause my friend was justifying her inability to drive the acquaintance's car to West Virginia for her (a plan that no longer suited her) she either did fall off a ladder (and what business did she have on a ladder YESTERDAY?) OR she is lying because she cannot just say no. Either way, she is in a mess IMO. Lying is sending a terrible message to her self. Getting on ladders after having a weekend she described to me is dang foolish. Actually I hope she is lying because a knee injury is serious and she has no health insurance.

Either way I am flummoxed over Linda's actions. I don't feel like pursuing this friendship though there are many great characteristics between us. I am wishing to be a good friend and I just do not enjoy drama. I do like supporting others but dislike care taking. I have decided to retreat and re-enter my hermitage where at least I feel centered. I will continue my own work and stay socially isolated as I like that peace. I am lucky and happy personally by myself. I wish SO MUCH that all be happy and free of suffering! What I can do to participate without feeling overwhelmed and angry about how people behave is a serious issue today. I realize there is a huge judgemental aspect of my personae and it needs healing.

yeah, Amen, I feel the same way...sounds like a familiar to me syndrome, really. Your best bet is to follow the course you've outlined for yourself. One other thing I forgot to mention that is the source of whatever understanding/forgiveness I can muster in some cases is gratitude that it is not MY problem. Empathy/sympathy, all good but at least it isn't me...It's actually what I have tried to impart to my daughter when I've seen her be really mean to her mother...my daughter just looks at me and says, "really, are you serious?". And I return, "yes, you know better, your mother doesn't". Anytime you are dealing with a difficult situation like this...the odds are against you, persons like that have 'learned' these behaviors and consciously or otherwise know they work to manipulate the people around them. It's very difficult to disengage if one has an ounce of empathy within them but keeping this awareness foremost in our consciousness makes it a little easier to deal with...sometimes.

[Maggie]

I am listening to this fabulous rant on a meaning for life. He is a teacher in his school. It is associated with Biogeometry and a synthesis of different traditions.


Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM5kbbJtLdQ


New structures are being created by us and we take them with us.

The most wonderful flowers and plants this year. I visited a friend who showed me her plants and flowers. her experience is much like mine... everything is just exhuberantly popping in glory. I have seen so many wild flowers. I discovered wild lettuce in my yard. Yesterday was just a simply daily ways perfect time and the last two days, I feel time slowing so there seems I have more time?

I am so excited about more beauty and more exploration possible. The intention to be more conscious within this wonderful world around me seems happening. Lately I have been studying cosmetics. I had an insight that I am not so interested in making potions as being a merchant of the mysterious healing ingredients to DIY potions. I am so enjoying the raw ingredients I bought, the essential oils and the minerals, the serums butters and oils.

I really really think there IS a real change as if the EVENT has already happened?