Great to see but not really that impressive >
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAtIwwdBkjE
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Great to see but not really that impressive >
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAtIwwdBkjE
Good effort imo >
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCfOGluhEKI
At this next step, Q not posted for some time, Censorship and pressure handling ( think Bill ) getting easy to notice, several drifting narratives pervade n one invades, protects, screams sky falling and shouts status que only hope , Q etc is getting creamed atm but growing, why ?.
40.07 mins short
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgkSyFGSYpw
First, have been on an excursion or noospheric diving and now returned, Q needs to pull right out of things imo, as not really needed anymore unless of course weres take back the narrative and that is very unlikely now. Anyways great to be safe to post a Q vid here on forum, even though little interest is shown, thankyou all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9LqSuhJNM0
Little shout out to any post Papa site members that completely taking over this thread would be great, Please !!!
Gosh, how must he be feeling, amazing beautifullll man ( hardly know him but his online presence is clear ), it might upset Bill a lot though as many may follow his goodness here, but yes love to see him appear n mango n apple n tango.
Heck n bother, been feeling for Paul since that last post above, can someone reach out ?.
I personally appreciated Paul and respect Paul. he once banned me because he perceived I was no longer a friend to Avalon. That showed his devotion and thankfully when Bill gave me another chance to come back, he treated me with kindness and respect all the rest of the way. It meant a lot to me, always will.
I can only imagine how he might be really enjoying the break now as he was intense at it for what, a decade? It would be great to see him show up and share his wisdoms again at a place like this but just imagine the wonderful vacation from it all he must be having.
It seems to me Vern and Sam that Paul is a great person who pointed out numerous times that he was not being appreciated "over there" and he gave his all so many times over and over, beyond the call of duty..
When he does the actual work and someone takes the "limelight", the expression is "steals the thunder", it seems obvious at least to me as was done to others, everyone existed to "serve"..
When life is not honored, well.. says enough to me at least. Paul deserves a lot of thanks, honest thanks.
If your reading or to read this Paul, go to 30 minute mark of this vid, the Gem Gift is explained at the 34 minute mark, may help explain much Paul, with loving intent.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6DS_rkwIMc
You know... I cannot imagine anyone who has been a part of Avalon for so many years would not also have great appreciation for Paul and in fact, the way I view (and viewed) Paul and his role was a.) he wasn't a "shadow staffer" because he wholeheartedly participated and often. b.) when Paul participated, I got the sense I was experiencing the authentic being. I never got the feeling he was trying to project an image of himself that wasn't himself. c.) I did see (as I see with so many folks that are either staffers or members) that he demonstrated he had "learned" how to... gosh, its hard to find the words because I have done (and still may do even here at TOT) ...how to make sure one's posts get one's intent of the message across without generating the ammunition by which one might be perceived as a potential danger to the particular forum posted on. And then there's the d.) which I will get to next but I wish to elaborate more on c.) from a universal perspective.
PA was the place I landed at a time I most needed to be at such a place. And PA was (and this is still my firm opinion today) the very best place of its kind for me to land. This was in the late 2011 and PA played the most significant role in my ability to resurrect from the darkest place imaginable. I have said before and still hold this view, PA (along with two other miracles with PA being the central component) saved my life.
Over time I experienced so, so much "good" (the quotes are meant to highlight the word to mean... as I perceived it at that time - but also, I later may look back upon it and apply the word "great" or apply a word like, regrettable or tricky) with regards to participation which includes reading, sharing about and discussing all sorts of subjects, many which are, in so many places, taboo. Yet, and I understand why this "happens in membership communities" but at times... and this was frustrating, sometimes something became "taboo" even at PA. And so what starts to emerge (and perhaps this often happens subconsciously), one can start to "pull punches" not because the wording they first want to write but because they fear their words might end in their lost membership.
A great example of this which I experienced personally was when I complained about the way I felt I was treated by Simon Parkes on a thread I created in the member only section. This was January 1, 2015. In addition, I suggested in the very most careful way that there may be something to be concerned about regarding Simon and folks he would "counsel." The thread is still there if anyone is a member or retired member that is able to read member threads. The thread became uncomfortable and was closed after reaching close to 60 posts. There was also the receipt of a PM where it was pointed out that I used innuendo to suggest things that I should not have done so in that way. I recall agreeing with that and thus my agreement was an apology. I may have also actually apologized but haven't dug up the PM out of my saved archives as what does it matter much now anyways.
So why I shared the above is an example of the pressure a member feels when they are onto something which, at the time, would not be wanted raised, discussed, explored even though as is quite known now, my concerns were spot on and far more than most had imagined at that time. But I suffered from self-imposed intimidation. I was scared to come out with my concerns directly. I was even more scared to PM the staff. Simon was a big deal and a major new member recruitment magnet. I did my best for that time and the circumstances. I found myself on an island alone yet interestingly, just a few days into that evolving thread, I received a PM from someone I never knew before which turned out to be Shane. To this day, though I view his story as just a story, my appreciation for my experience that soon began with Shane at the heart of it, is immense and also, I love Shane to this very day. All the folks I had become entangled with during that period and who, because of all that went on at the end of my "belief" of Shane's story are still to this day no longer in touch with me in any way... a sad loss.
The point of all the above is that sometimes and for some of us, becoming involved to a deeper level when becoming a member of a forum such as PA can present challenges that some of us (certainly myself) are not equipped to manage properly, ie. emotionally. I certainly have identified this weakness or character flaw or whatever you would call it in myself. The only difference between myself and some others is that I once fell on my sword at PA but was given a second chance and somehow since that second chance I haven't crossed the wrong lines. I pray this remains so. It is also why I disabled PMs. My recent conclusion is that it was always the "private" communications where all the trouble began for me.
My new rule is "if it cannot be discussed in the open forum" then don't. If back channel relationships take place, understand that nothing said is ever sacred, nothing said is ever held to one's expectations of privacy. Always someone (usually in a position of greater power than yourself) may one day find justification or worse, opportunity to gain more from what will be a pre-assesed loss for exposing what you may have believed to be private and where you believe the individual you entrusted the information to can be trusted to honor your privacy. With a tiny few exceptions have I ever experienced that which I wish to remain private actually remained so when it involved folks I met through the greater online alternative community.
In addition, and to be as honest as possible, I have failed in this regard myself and often. And so just like my issue with addiction to marijuana, I have to stay 100% abstinent. I have now applied this same protocol to my participation on these forums, specifically with regard to PMs.
and so d.) - Loyalty.
Loyalty is a complex issue because when one is perceived as loyal, the requirements of that loyalty belong to the perceiver. If the individual is fully transparent and fully authentic, the likelihood any third party perceiver of that loyalty might conclude there has been a breech in that individual's loyalty is, at some point, almost inescapable. Ideally aren't we supposed to be, first and foremost, loyal to ourselves? And if one is such, certainly they should maintain a civil public presence, yet when 1.) honesty, truth (at least the truth as best as one can see it in the moment), transparency, tact combined with 2.) the complexity posed by trying to remain within a framework of another's perception of loyalty clash... which should win out? 1.) or 2.)?
So I think Paul also was a master at d.) and did the best he could, reached a stage in his life where he wanted a life change that included freedom from the time consuming set of responsibilities "administrator" involves, a self imposed demarcation by officially retiring so that he can't lose control and throw a random post in here or there which might then start to consume his time which otherwise cannot be and thus he left with the highest honors. I also imagine, knowing this community as I do (and noting I am a part of this community thus what I am about to write applies to myself as well), we all may wonder what else may have been going on. But my better self says, "Isn't this sort of thinking the very type of thinking that gets me into all the trouble I am so wishing to avoid?"
The two "me's."
A battle within... and the mirror.