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Last week I told my wife, "If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef." She said, "If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer."
I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
The other night I woke up, she was saying sexy things. She was on the phone.
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
I bought a used car. And found my wife's dress in the back seat.
Last night some guy knocked on the front door. She told me to hide in the closet.