Humour thread

[Chris]

I am starting a new thread, specifically focused on humour. We have a number of similar threads, but this one is going to be more British-oriented, with the occasional Aussie, Canadian or American thrown in. I will mostly focus on stand-up comics and well-known UK comedy shows, such as Mitchell and Webb, Monty Python, A bit of Fry and Laurie, etc... The Aim is to laugh at ourselves and our own silliness, which often stems from taking ourselves too seriously. Anybody who wishes to post their own Humour material is welcome to contribute. With so many depressing and serious events taking place on a daily basis, we need to let off some steam and learn a few things about ourselves at the same time.

I'll start off with some very entertaining and highly thought-provoking Mitchell and Webb sketches, which really hit home for me. Our gullibility, tribalism and tendency towards group-think can really be a bit of a pain sometimes, but it is also funny.

This one is about the silliness of homeopathy:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMGIbOGu8q0

This one is about football, but it applies to any sports fan that takes their identification with a dozen or so rich athletes he has never met a bit too far:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN1WN0YMWZU

Since we were discussing the EU and Brexith with Aragorn today, this is Yes, Minister's take on why Britain joined the EU:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37iHSwA1SwE

And finally, a parody of American patriotic pop songs in the mold of Bruce Springsteen, from Dr House himself:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyHSjv9gxlE

[Dreamtimer]

Thanks. Haven't watched yet, maybe this evening. I'm always up for a good laugh. I usually catch some late night comedy the next day online.

[Chris]

Anyone who is into music will find this Father Ted episode particularly funny. Two dimwitted priests from Craggy Island enter the Eurovision song contest, with the worst song ever... My Lovely Horse.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLtgbAoy27Q

[Emil El Zapato]

Anyone who is into music will find this Father Ted episode particularly funny. Two dimwitted priests from Craggy Island enter the Eurovision song contest, with the worst song ever... My Lovely Horse.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLtgbAoy27Q

ok, that's funny... :)

[Chris]

ok, that's funny... :)
"
It's not my favourite Father Ted episode, that would be "Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse" (you don't want to know).

However, I showed this episode to a musician friend, who has never even heard of this show (a must if you are in any way connected to Ireland, or Catholicism for that matter) and he almost died laughing. I guess if you're a musician, you really appreciate the deliberate awfulness of the music and the lyrics...

[Chris]

I love this Monty Python Sketch about bankers. It really catches the mentality prevalent in those circles beautifully.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8AbwDLCJqI

I think all men felt like they needed a manslater at some point in their lives. This would be so useful :)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezVib_giTFo

Lastly, this is more sad, than funny, but the below clip from the Black Mirror series really captures the creepiness and dishonesty of social media and where it might lead us. China already has social media scores for each citizen on a trial basis, so this is already here...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epI5r0_T_lE

[Aragorn]

[...]

Lastly, this is more sad, than funny, but the below clip from the Black Mirror series really captures the creepiness and dishonesty of social media and where it might lead us. China already has social media scores for each citizen on a trial basis, so this is already here...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epI5r0_T_lE


Well, there is something that I'm certain our members here won't be aware of, but the vBulletin software we use for running The One Truth actually supports something called "user reputation". It is a valuing system through which both the staff and the members alike can attribute a score to all members by adding or subtracting score points at set intervals — for instance, you would be able to either add or subtract a certain amount of points (with a preset maximum) to/from the reputation score of any particular other member once a year.

The vBulletin developers included this valuing system as part of the software because vBulletin has a very wide field of application, all the way from forums such as The One Truth, Eye-Rise, Project Avalon and Imaginative Worlds, all the way up to corporate (and often paid) support forums with tens or even hundreds of thousands of users.

Needless to say, we have not enabled the reputation functionality here. The user reputation field does exist in every member's account, but it's all set to the default value of "10" for each and every member from the moment they sign up for an account until the moment they are retired, banned or moved into the Deceased Members group. ;)

[Melidae]

Godlikeproductions has user reputation in active use. Members can add or subtract from others 'reputation points'.

Makes you wonder if people post for points or because they really have something to say whether people like it or not.

[Aragorn]

Godlikeproductions has user reputation in active use. Members can add or subtract from others 'reputation points'.

Makes you wonder if people post for points or because they really have something to say whether people like it or not.

Well, one of the built-in systems in vBulletin is to convert the user reputation into credits, which can then later be monetized if so desired. I can understand that this system might be considered useful on paid corporate support forums, but for a forum within the alternative community, it's rather undesirable.

An additional consideration is that if the members' reputation score is visible to other members — never even mind to unregistered visitors — then this could end up being pretty humiliating for "unpopular" members, and especially so if only a subset of the member base would be partaking in the scoring. It's not unthinkable that the ability of members to affect the perceived reputation of other members would end up as a bullying tool.

The above in mind, I'm not surprised that a forum like Godlike Productions would be implementing this system. ;)

[Melidae]

I'm not surprised that a forum like Godlike Productions would be implementing this system. ;)

Tavistock...

[Aragorn]

Returning to the topic of the thread — albeit that it's not really British — there was an episode on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" called "Brothers (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brothers_%28Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation%29)", in which the android Data (played by Brent Spiner (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brent_Spiner)) suddenly falls back onto a hidden program and locks up the computer of the Enterprise by mimicking the voice of Captain Jean-Luc Picard (played by Patrick Stewart (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Stewart)).

Now, for most television shows and movies in which such a voice effect is used on one of the characters — think for instance of the scene in "The Devil's Advocate (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Devil%27s_Advocate_%281997_film%29)" in which John Milton (the devil, played by Al Pacino (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Pacino)) is throwing words spoken earlier by Kevin Lomax (Keanu Reeves (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keanu_Reeves)) back at him while at the same time also duplicating his voice, just as if it had been a recording — this sort of thing is usually done by way of a voice-over from the actor whose voice is being mimicked.

Well... Not so on "Star Trek: The Next Generation", because that was Brent Spiner himself, doing his impression of Patrick Stewart's voice — which he loves doing at Comic Con meetings. Or at least, so long as Patrick Stewart himself isn't there on stage with him — he explains why in the first of the three videos below. :p




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQcammV9G1Y



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrMlK3Xz_hY



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64jE3wdJEKE

[OCohen75]

Best sketch of all time!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz2LaJOVAiA

[Chris]

Not a huge fan of the Ellen show in general, but the scaring guests part is pure genius. My stomach hurts every time I watch one of those scare compilations...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xHMtYEmc_w

[Dreamtimer]

My mother used to get so mad at us when we jumped out to scare her. It worked really well. But she made us stop. :(

[Chris]

This is such a classic, but it never fails to make me laugh, no matter how many times I see it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91DSNL1BEeY

[Elen]

This is such a classic, but it never fails to make me laugh, no matter how many times I see it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91DSNL1BEeY

:ha: Oh yeah you got me there...:lol:

[Chris]

I love this Tracy Ullman sketches about Angela Merkel. They are so humanising. It pays to remember from time to time that politicians and world leaders have their own humanity and the weaknesses that come with it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP_l5aPww-4


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rMo87P-nDc&t=27s


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVn_zcLJGNQ


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYE0MX5I3ig

[Chris]

Since we're just after armistice day and the causes and lessons to be learnt from the Great War are a hot topic these days, let us examine the blackadderly explanation for how the whole bloody mess got started. I don't know either, but there was definitely an Ostrich involved that was Hungry...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGxAYeeyoIc

[Chris]

Danny Bhoy on the pretentiousness of Wine Connoisseurs. Apparently Connoisseur is French for Wanker. If you don't know what Wanker means, it is the Old English word for Republican... I'm told... :p


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyIscEQwBCM

[Chris]

Andy Serkis, does an excellent Theresa Gollum impression.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tjp5OmoDYQM

[Aianawa]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLNhVC296YI

[Chris]

A couple of geeky in-jokes from the IT Crowd, Graham Linehan's other comedic masterpiece, after Father Ted of course :)

If you've ever worked in IT or tech support, you'll really appreciate these...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDNmyyrEZho


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn2FB1P_Mn8


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82BwEOeTbMA

[Chris]

Andy Serkis reads Trump's tweets as Gollum, from 4:10


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64mWOoj68qo

[Dreamtimer]

This is funny in and of itself and also in light of some recent comments on "cleaning up the forest floors"

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/c5/28/dd/c528dd5d3366434d78f66f28ae8cb71a.gif

[Chris]

There's nothing funnier than mistranslated menu items, as Kim Catrall and Stanley Tucci shall prove shortly...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbKsR-Nq8KU

[Emil El Zapato]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCHvEJR5IL4

[Chris]

Time for a few sketches about sexism and double standards.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOlJ_jCLHmo


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_iPCMmoGMw


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ivsb79-h90

[Chris]

Absolutely spot-on impression of Trump and a few other celebrities. This guy has a true talent for this and the Voices are unbelievable, I couldn't tell them apart from the real thing.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKBnkchY8Zk&feature=youtu.be

[Chris]

This 6-minute clip from the Graham Norton show has more genuinely funny one-liners than an entire shelf of Hollywood "funny" movies. It is unbelievable that this all happened spontaneously, but I guess if you put these three people on one couch, sparks are gonna fly...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKyr3AkpFsM

[Dreamtimer]

Andy Serkis, does an excellent Theresa Gollum impression.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tjp5OmoDYQM

This is brilliant.



I decided long ago not to fight any gender wars.

I don't hang around feminists much because I don't need to constantly be reminded of the mysoginy of men.

It's much more effective for me to hang around with men and show them first-hand the intelligence, capability, and potential of women.

People are usually prejudiced about things they don't know.

For a long time, men just didn't know women. They didn't play with them as girls, they didn't have them as friends, and women deliberately hid their intelligence from the mens' fragile egos.

It's hard to appreciate something when you can't even see it's assets. ;):eyebrows:

[Dreamtimer]

"It was like watching my favorite pub burn down."

Best line ever.:ttr::hilarious::ha:

[Dreamtimer]

Education leads to ugliness, premature aging, and beard growth. :ttr:


We've come a long way baby. In the 19th century a man could get rid of his wife by having her committed for 'hysteria'.

I'm sure those hospitals helped the condition to become real. :blink::wacko::shocked:

[Chris]

Education leads to ugliness, premature aging, and beard growth. :ttr:


We've come a long way baby. In the 19th century a man could get rid of his wife by having her committed for 'hysteria'.

I'm sure those hospitals helped the condition to become real. :blink::wacko::shocked:

There is actually an excellent Netflix movie starring Maggie Gyllenhall based loosely on this topic. It's called "Hysteria".

In Victorian London, rich, Aristocratic women visited doctors on a weekly basis to be treated for "Hysteria", in reality, misdiagnosed sexual dissatisfaction. The "doctors" used their hands to "massage" the clitoris of these women (who were sufficiently covered up of course and it was all kept prim and proper), until they caused them to have a "paroxism" or in other words an orgasm. The vibrator was invented around this time, to give doctors' tired hands a rest. Victorians had no idea that these "paroxisms" were actually the female equivalent of a male orgasm. Their ignorance on the matter is really hilarious in hindsight.

Here's the trailer:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZAxFLaXT_M

[Dreamtimer]

Paroxysm was orgasm? Effing hilarious.

I knew that they did exams under cover without actually looking. But I wasn't taught the full extent of it at the time.

I really gotta watch that movie with my husband!

Thanks for the ref.

The Victorian prudes invented the vibrator. Truth is indeed stranger than fiction.

[Emil El Zapato]

We are all victims of someone else's projection....it is true...we can call it the 'mirror universe'

[Aragorn]

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfubqhxsbK1qaiowbo1_500.png

:fpalm:




https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BtrjvM9CUAAJaKf.png




https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/024/037/Mickeysoft-word.gif





https://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/aW1Azyd_700b.jpg

:ttr:

[Aragorn]

The Predator is planting rice... :p




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdY8nTpO_Bg

[Dreamtimer]

Asian v Predator :ttr:

[Aragorn]

https://forum.manjaro.org/uploads/default/original/3X/7/e/7e2ce8886b877f0fb365c98de7e922ed43ded392.jpeg

[Chris]

If you haven't seen the Onion's satirical "Our Dumb World" atlas yet, this will provide hours of entertainment and savage laughter.

It is absolutely brutal and ruthless, I am amazed this was ever published, there is no way in hell this would be allowed today.

I particularly like the section on Thailand, let's just say if they went anywhere near that country, the king would have their heads cut off...

But really, it's all around brilliance. If you're short on time, just look at your own part of the world and marvel at the rude stereotypes and characterisations.

https://www.docdroid.net/id16/our-dumb-world.pdf

[Aragorn]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ug6gAO8n0s

[Elen]

:lol: Funny Aragorn.

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Aria_51.jpg

[Wind]

http://youtu.be/4IRB0sxw-YU

[Emil El Zapato]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Aria_51.jpg

This thing at work about me being an escapee from Area-51 is starting to circulate. For some reason my co-workers think I'm weird...but with a smile...just the way I like it...it denotes understanding. :)

[Aragorn]

http://youtu.be/4IRB0sxw-YU

Hmmm.... Now why do I have the feeling you're taking a fun poke at me, Brother? :ha:

(Actually, they've been fairly quiet for a couple of days now, but this is of course only a temporary relief ─ the quiet moments before the storm, and all that. :ttr:)

[Emil El Zapato]

gawd, that stuff is funny...

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Paranoid.jpg

[Elen]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Paranoid.jpg

Seriously funny!

[Dreamtimer]

I think we should have fake conversations in front of the tech. No doubt folks do that already.

[Wind]

Hmmm.... Now why do I have the feeling you're taking a fun poke at me, Brother? :ha:

Not at all, I'm having some annoying upstairs neighbors here too. :rolleyes:

[Dreamtimer]

Has anyone seen the latest (https://www.randyrainbow.com/videos) from Randy Rainbow?

I had no idea he was interviewed by Terry Gross on the 19th. (https://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/2019/07/17/742628024/fresh-air-for-july-17-2019-satirist-randy-rainbow-remembering-justice-john-paul)

And on that day he was nominated for an Emmy (https://www.emmys.com/bios/randy-rainbow).

Go Randy!

This one is from April. Seems like an age ago...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etTXjK-S7RI

[Aragorn]

https://forum.manjaro.org/uploads/default/original/3X/f/2/f20ffdeac28813562d0196968baaa015ea217119.jpeg

[Chris]

Bill Maher on how electing Trump was like marrying into the mob. So true, and check out his Godfather impression...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4Tu4MKeOx8

[Emil El Zapato]

Revenge...a dish best served cold...

[Gio]

Meanwhile here in The Great Northwest ...

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/67140458_156721738797989_967843091715194880_n.jpg? _nc_cat=105&_nc_oc=AQnXBrViqdfXgVR9ZawyKL2Tbbug3OBEdBTDEOBwk7_ CfBxtCAA7YnoWrKQ366_AVg21uB9JPrxoKasSwEfcHfaM&_nc_ht=scontent-sea1-1.xx&oh=badb585b9544b49822f8aac270281391&oe=5DE93450

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Burning_Letters.jpg

[Chester]

Education leads to ugliness, premature aging, and beard growth. :ttr:


We've come a long way baby. In the 19th century a man could get rid of his wife by having her committed for 'hysteria'.

I'm sure those hospitals helped the condition to become real. :blink::wacko::shocked:

My relationship with my three sons has probably (permanently) ended... and it all started with my middle son's wife becoming hysterical and, by her own actions, getting committed to mental institution...

...more on this by late Thursday or sometime Friday.

[Chris]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUx3UjX7h6c

[Emil El Zapato]

Amen to these humo(u)r posts...funny and soooo true....

[Aragorn]

Does anybody else here find it suspicious that Boris Johnson's hair has the same color as that of Donald Trump? :ttr:

[Chris]

Does anybody else here find it suspicious that Boris Johnson's hair has the same color as that of Donald Trump? :ttr:

The Bromance is undeniable. The same thing happened with Reagan-Thatcher and Bush-Blair. Perhaps there's more to this special relationship thing than you'd think…

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/jul/26/the-untold-story-of-when-donald-trump-met-boris-johnson

[Kitsune]

Does anybody else here find it suspicious that Boris Johnson's hair has the same color as that of Donald Trump? :ttr:
His is probably real though

[Bob]

yes, it is floating

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS7LIPye6XwYP0lshObMnRsi4D1Fop1w-PIEtlatPaUrTYp9QzE

[Emil El Zapato]

"INTERGALACTIC SPACECRAFT, alien abductions, an extraterrestrial base hidden on the dark side of the moon, supersecret human and alien crossbreeding programs, saucer-eyed gray aliens who can walk through walls and levitate and play concert-quality clarinet with their butts--Preston Maddoc believes in all of it, and more," Leilani reported."

"One Door Away From Heaven"

- Dean Koontz -

[Aragorn]

https://pics.me.me/support-i-the-right-to-arm-bears-4202481.png


http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/most-interesting-bear-in-the-world-meme.jpg


https://i.pinimg.com/736x/a3/59/68/a35968e515c6796b850ae088f4430a7e--misunderstood-shark-don-t-worry.jpg

[Dreamtimer]

lololololol

I can't bear it! Grrrrrrr.

That secret hair farm is hilarious.

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Police_Brutality.jpg


http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Language.jpg

[Elen]

:ha: That's hilarious! Names can indeed be strange. Like: Miss Ura Anderson who married Mr. Belcher. It's actually true. (Say your name and run!)

In Norway we have names like: Odd and Even. All is well if they stay away from English speaking countries. :D

[Chris]

Nothing beats Thai names...

Porn is actually a popular girl's name in Thailand and is used in various combinations.

In the Bangkok branch of the travel company I used to work for, we had Pornkamon, Tittiporn and Anyapornsuk.

You had to keep a straight face whenever talking to them or just referring to them, which was damned hard...

If I wanted to laugh my head off, I just read the incoming guest lists for Thai tour groups. There were hundreds of similar gems in there and they provided hours of entertainment...

[Aragorn]

[...] Tittiporn and Anyapornsuk. [...]



https://vectorstate.com/stock-photo-preview/95969793/iss_11733_02176.jpg

[Wind]

When it's payday.


http://youtu.be/t0zX8fr0Gko

[Elen]

When it's payday.


http://youtu.be/t0zX8fr0Gko

My God :ha:

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Jesus_Dog.jpg

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Tough_Neighborhood.jpg

[Emil El Zapato]

I'm just a dopo American but when I first saw the restaurant, 'Fukim'...I literally was afraid to say the name...

[Aragorn]

Typecasting


I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.



Monkeying Around


Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.



Have You Really?


Q: What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A: “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”



Generation Gap


Q: What do you call it when you have your mom’s mom on speed dial?
A: Instagram.



Computer Clubbing


Q: How does a computer get drunk?
A: It takes screenshots.



Tweetment Needed


Patient: "Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter!"
Doctor: "I’m so sorry, I don’t follow."



What’s the Gig Deal?


Have you heard of that new band "1023 Megabytes"? They’re pretty good, but they don’t have a gig just yet.



Humor On (Power)Point


Person 1: "Do you know how to use Outlook?"
Person 2: "As a matter of fact, I Excel at it."
Person 1: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Person 2: "Word."



Computer Commute


Q: Why did the computer show up at work late?
A: It had a hard drive.




Texting your doctor


"Hey Dr. Park, this is Matt from the vascular lab. I have an outpatient here with an external iliac occlusion with cold foot pin and numbness that started 3…"



Texts from Mom


Mom: "How make chicken"
Daughter: "What?"
Mom: "Where buy chicken"
Daughter: "Mom, this isn’t Google."
Mom: "Avocado"



Not again, autocorrect!


Autocorrect has become my worst enema.



Fishy text


Person 1: “I feel like carp today.”
Person 2: “Yeah, you look a little fishy.”



Hungary text


“I am hungary.”
“Maybe you should czech the fridge.”
“I’m russian to the kitchen. Is there any turkey?”
“We have some, but it’s covered in greece.”
“Ew, there’s norway I’d…



Talk is (not) cheap


Anyone who thinks “talk is cheap" obviously didn’t pay my daughter’s last mobile phone bill!



Check before you send


The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.



No kidding


Q: What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around?
A: Dead Siri-ous



Getting into contact


Q: Why was the cell phone wearing glasses?
A: It lost its contacts.



Repeat That, Mate?


"If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2."


(Recording on an Australian tax help line)



Your Work E-mail is What?


"I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malware@company.com."

[Dreamtimer]

Gawd, that's hilarious, Aragorn. I'm literally crowing with laughter!

(The bird and the list)

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Train_Rails.jpg

[Elen]

Absolutely!!! :love:

[Emil El Zapato]

well, at least not for awhile... likely the last one through was the 3:10 to Yuma...

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Mockingbird.jpg

[Emil El Zapato]

I had a weird dream and that post reminded me of it.

A cat, my cat was grabbing fish out of an aquarium and eathing them. I watched in horror the cat kill, eviscerate the fish and the fish was literally begging for its life during the process, with its eyes, they were bugging out and pleading as 'hands held out' in a ask for mercy...yeah, that's f*cking weird...

I told my cat not to do that anymore and, of course, he ignored me so I started planning a way to protect the fish... :)

Is there anyway this post could be considered humour?

[Aragorn]

I had a weird dream and that post reminded me of it.

A cat, my cat was grabbing fish out of an aquarium and eathing them. I watched in horror the cat kill, eviscerate the fish and the fish was literally begging for its life during the process, with its eyes, they were bugging out and pleading as 'hands held out' in a ask for mercy...yeah, that's f*cking weird...

I told my cat not to do that anymore and, of course, he ignored me so I started planning a way to protect the fish... :)

Is there anyway this post could be considered humour?

Um, no. :p :ttr:

[Elen]

Is there anyway this post could be considered humour?

That was horror, NAP. So kind of you to look after the little ones, though. :love:

[Emil El Zapato]

How about this then...Ok, I'll stop...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGbZIYIIhKk

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Blame_the_Dog.jpg

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Jesus_Love.jpg

[Chris]

Quite timely with the where you're REALLY from question becoming ever more sinister. Also, an excellent dig at Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCk6fSQ21rY

[Aragorn]

http://users.telenet.be/stryder/Humor/Queen_Liz.jpg

[Aragorn]

https://i.imgur.com/l2tGUtY.jpg

[Dreamtimer]

Ruh Roh!

That's hilarious.

[Aragorn]

Too bad the one with Queen Elizabeth was completely missed. I personally thought that was the funniest one in a long time. Oh well. :unsure:

[Chris]

Bill Maher absolutely nails this one.

You have to wonder whether the Orange one realised this was sarcasm. It wouldn't be the first time he mistakes sarcastic comment for genuine praise.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ7c_6xghX8

[Aragorn]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX8yrOAjfKM

[Emil El Zapato]

So much like my laptop...I'm ready for a new one...I spent 10 years on Unix/Linux platforms...It did hang up once...but I think that was probably my alien implants fault.

[Elen]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX8yrOAjfKM

Brilliant! :ha: Now I know where those cookies come from!

[Chris]

This Star Wars parody classic remains one of my all-time favourites.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKWVCv8uWDI

[Wind]

He was fast as lightning.


http://youtu.be/Pb9PI4dJ5u4

[Emil El Zapato]

wow, that guy is fast as lightning...

True story, I had a hotel security guy accost me like that outside the building after having a few drinks with friends after work. I laughed at him but somehow I ended up arrested and chainganged to a murderer by the next day... for not paying parking tickets...oh me oh miyo...such is my life...

[Wind]

http://youtu.be/PTpgUmIWPis

[Wind]

Don't mess with the goose.


http://youtu.be/xlEfjWxmll0

[Elen]

Don't mess with the goose.


http://youtu.be/xlEfjWxmll0

There you go...there you go...:ha:

[Dreamtimer]

This is really going to affect mileage...

https://images.dailykos.com/images/719519/large/cowonthehood.jpg?1568923752

[Aragorn]

This is really going to affect mileage...

https://images.dailykos.com/images/719519/large/cowonthehood.jpg?1568923752

But it should improve down force on the front axle when cornering. :p

[Dreamtimer]

:lol:Is there a safety belt for that bovine?

[Aragorn]

:lol:Is there a safety belt for that bovine?

With sufficiently high speed, it should be firmly held in place by the aerodynamic drag. :p




Disclaimer: Don't try this at home, nor with an insufficiently acquainted ungulate. :ha:

[Chris]

Bill Maher picks apart the phenomenon of White Guilt hilariously. Somebody had to do it and I'm glad it was Bill...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0q2ZR4nBuE

[Chris]

A great take on the hypocrisy of Catholic School Admissions, not just in Ireland, but all over the world. I had to go through this rigmarole when I enrolled in a Catholic School in India (St Paul's). Thankfully I did not have to play cricket, India's national sport, (it would be American Football in the US), because I was actually a real Roman Catholic at the time, to the great surprise of my teachers, who assumed anyone from the Eastern Block (this was in 1986) would be an atheist.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_Ou3lAGl-M

[Emil El Zapato]

Bill Maher picks apart the phenomenon of White Guilt hilariously. Somebody had to do it and I'm glad it was Bill...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0q2ZR4nBuE

You wanna know what's even worse? Being white and not looking like it is even worse... :) What Mahr is saying is a ridiculous position but typical of the 'owners of social morality-the liberals', yeah true.

[Emil El Zapato]

A great take on the hypocrisy of Catholic School Admissions, not just in Ireland, but all over the world. I had to go through this rigmarole when I enrolled in a Catholic School in India (St Paul's). Thankfully I did not have to play cricket, India's national sport, (it would be American Football in the US), because I was actually a real Roman Catholic at the time, to the great surprise of my teachers, who assumed anyone from the Eastern Block (this was in 1986) would be an atheist.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_Ou3lAGl-M

That's always true. Here's another one for you. I mentioned earlier that one of my ancestors could have been Lazaro Cardenas Del Rio, President of Mexico in 1934-1940. A University of Guadalahara entrance question is, "Do you or do you not admire Lazaro Cardenas?" Cardenas was a polarizing figure in that he is considered a revolutionary that tried to end the 'class apartheid' between the poor and the landowners. If the answer is yes one is not allowed entrance and is relegated to a branch of the university called, really, "The Dirt University of Guadalara". The split between rich and poor is only one of the issues, another one is that the Dirt People tend to believe in 'aliens' and other crazy shit AND they hold many protests to better the conditions in Mexico and that disrupts the flow of M-O-N-E-Y into the university system and that is not kosher.

[Emil El Zapato]

And if you don't think that is funny, I would have you recall George Thorogood stating when asking his friend if he could stay awhile, his friend says, "Well, you know, my wife she kinda funny" and George says, "Yeah, I know, your wife IS kinda funny and now you kinda funny, too"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDf0IwXoOmY

[Dreamtimer]

"Boo, you need to learn how to jump."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=98&v=TQlAvXFMuaQ

Note Stone Mountain in the background.

[Wind]

SpaceX isn't the only trying to get into the orbit!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHJRjaPfbQk

[Dreamtimer]

That looks like something my friend George would do with gasoline and a trash can when he was a teenager. He grew up in the country (not city or suburbia).

[Dreamtimer]

At 1:20, Giuliani is on Joe Rogan :lol::lol::lol:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xR25izGfrmQ

[Dreamtimer]

Do you suffer from Autumnal Angst? Are you a Fall Fretter? Or are you getting psyched for Winter Whimsy?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=42&v=9dcmoGOn188

[Dreamtimer]

Randy has some new offerings. He is still producing these himself.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mWTDI4aQZY

[Dreamtimer]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upBCQo5bkJc

[Emil El Zapato]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnObuAhLTlM

[Emil El Zapato]

Hi DT,

thanks for the comedy and the inspiration. It just hit me.

The nameless one is prez and he's either insane or senile. The intelligentsia is scared sh*tless about what he's going to do next...so scared, in fact, that they can't even gather their wits long enough to make a public presentation about it. They've all gone down the rabbit hole with ... not Alice. I wonder if they literally fear for their lives...maybe that's the secret that no one has admitted to yet...He can't be prosecuted for shooting someone on 5th avenue or a back room of the Nameless Hotel.

[Aragorn]

https://forum.manjaro.org/uploads/default/original/3X/3/f/3f9085d0097032c52384abacdbf98b3d8397479f.jpeg

[Dreamtimer]

:lol::lol::lol:

Why does everything smell like carrots?

[Elen]

Lazy is also not putting the garden furniture away for the winter, eh?

2xlazy :cool:

[Dreamtimer]

Or not correcting the joke for days...

[Aragorn]

https://forum.manjaro.org/uploads/default/optimized/3X/d/d/dd2caec71de197b0dd01a2b88d8177f637d8363e_2_510x500 .jpeg

[Emil El Zapato]

Have you been reading my email...

[Dreamtimer]

It would have been kinda perfect if it was 69 days...

I recall longing for the uncluttered mentality of older childhood, where a person could understand a lot and yet not be bothered and distracted by sex.

[Aragorn]

It would have been kinda perfect if it was 69 days...

:lol: You dirty mind you! :ttr: :ha:

[Dreamtimer]

Why thank you... It still would be number one...;)


Here's some humor, although it's also kinda sad and outrageous. We should be so lucky to have these sorts of scandals.

I honestly thought to put it in the Illusion, Mist and Bought thread, but it's a late night comedy show, so here it is.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MWxq80oze0

[Dreamtimer]

At 9:33 they're calling Obama a loser for wearing a bike helmet and they're extolling the manliness of Putin.

Dear Lord. :fpalm::blink:

At 12:49, Reagan in a tan suit.

[Aragorn]

At 9:33 they're calling Obama a loser for wearing a bike helmet and they're extolling the manliness of Putin.

Dear Lord. :fpalm::blink:

At 12:49, Reagan in a tan suit.

After watching that video, I can only ─ and sadly ─ conclude that there is no hope for America whatsoever. Over here in Europe, clinical morons are entrusted to the care of trained professionals and family members, while in America they are given a TV station and airtime.

:fpalm: :fpalm: :fpalm:

[Wind]

Houston, we have a problem.


http://youtu.be/AeWxaXYFn04

[Dreamtimer]

I watched large seals climb onto boats in Mexico. They are bold, strong and hungry. The one I saw was very well fed.

[Aragorn]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrwQ-guwvfs

[Emil El Zapato]

this is funny...wow...she actually passed the robot test

[Aragorn]

this is funny...wow...she actually passed the robot test

I'm not so sure the shop's personnel would, though. :ttr:

[Dreamtimer]

Billie Eilish is doing the next James Bond theme song.

Here's one that didn't quite make it:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAzl9mEgiWY

[Wind]

That reminded me of something.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o61BiBCXMCI

[Elen]

As the official airline of Middle-earth, Air New Zealand has gone all out to celebrate the third and final film in The Hobbit Trilogy - The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. Starring Elijah Wood and Sir Peter Jackson; we're thrilled to unveil The Most Epic Safety Video Ever Made.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=220&v=qOw44VFNk8Y&feature=emb_logo

[Emil El Zapato]

that's excellent

[Aragorn]

I've done this myself a couple of times. :)




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfJbbYgUnYY

[Emil El Zapato]

:) I sound like that without helium... The Beatles used helium to help them reach their high notes...The Chipmunks...well.

[Wind]

Kids and their toys these days.


http://youtu.be/2q82bGtujFA

[Emil El Zapato]

Thomas the Crab Engine?

[Silly Wabbit]

Silly me, I thought the thread was labeled "Rumor thread"... And with 144 replies, I just HAD to click it!..

In all seriousness, LOVE the thread!

[Dreamtimer]

Toy story meets small soldiers. The moving eyes are funny and creepy.

[Dreamtimer]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpBL9MYChAQ

[Chris]

This one requires no comment, but you might need a breathing apparatus to recover...

British panel shows always have the funniest banter.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YstBl9xzz34

[Emil El Zapato]

This one requires no comment, but you might need a breathing apparatus to recover...

British panel shows always have the funniest banter.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YstBl9xzz34

not funny...talking about people's peepees that way...

[Wind]

When you're in a hurry to catch a flight in Russia.


http://youtu.be/SSsx_5Of6nY

[Chris]

not funny...talking about people's peepees that way...

Man, those puritans on the Mayflower were more insidious than I thought.

Britain is the country they ran away from, because they could not put up with all that randyness and sex-talk... :ttr:

[Dreamtimer]

The woman at the beginning is funny right off the bat. And that dress...I'm not sure I would ever wear such a thing and yet I just love it.

Those balloons. Wow.

Wee Willy Winky will never be the same...

We still bear the puritan burden. :blink::lol:

We still bear the puritan burden. :blink::lol:

That airport ride, they went very far. In a beat up car (by the end anyway).

[Chris]

The woman at the beginning is funny right off the bat. And that dress...I'm not sure I would ever wear such a thing and yet I just love it.

Those balloons. Wow.

Wee Willy Winky will never be the same...

We still bear the puritan burden. :blink::lol:

We still bear the puritan burden. :blink::lol:

That airport ride, they went very far. In a beat up car (by the end anyway).
The woman is Canadian comedienne Catherine Ryan. I think she is the best since Joan Rivers. I'll post more material from her, she really is very good.

[Dreamtimer]

Please do, Chris. I'd love to see more of Catherine.

[Chris]

Alright so...

A couple of my favourite Katherine Ryan clips. If you have netflix, do check out her specials.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSXhvfe9b_g


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVh8EOpZy1o


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlibfRy9Cxw


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FybyRaScHrI


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tconzpt6uWc


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jysYf1oAvfQ

[Emil El Zapato]

she's funny... :)

[Aragorn]

she's funny... :)

And she's hot too! :p

[Emil El Zapato]

dead sexy, as heck ... :)

[Chris]

A couple of timely Curb Your Enthusiasm funnies. The first one was recently in the news. I've gotta get me one of those maga hats. And being mistaken for Harvey Weinstein? Saaad...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2oLFKYNInQ


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMGZEnnLi3U

[Emil El Zapato]

damn, she is very funny... :)

[Dreamtimer]

I watched the first vid from James Corden's show. Good stuff. Will spread the rest out for intermittent laughing opportunities.

And yes, she is good looking. I can't really say hot since women don't get me that way. ;)

Larry David is the perfect curmudgeon.

[Emil El Zapato]

She's not only funny, she has a sense of humor... :)

[Chris]

She's not only funny, she has a sense of humor... :)

I saw some interviews with her and she credits her style and success to the stand-up scene in Britain, that is where she really developed as a comic. That makes her funnier still, because she speaks in a standard North American accent, but then slays you with acerbic, savage, British humour.

On the other hand, she really reminds me of Joan Rivers, so who knows...

[Emil El Zapato]

yeah, she has the advantage of being new, though.... :)

[Aragorn]

I saw some interviews with her and she credits her style and success to the stand-up scene in Britain, that is where she really developed as a comic. That makes her funnier still, because she speaks in a standard North American accent, but then slays you with acerbic, savage, British humour.

She obviously masters many different accents. Apart from her "native" North American English, I've heard her speak Oxford English, Cockney and Irish. :)

[Emil El Zapato]

She does a good 'Rochester' too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QALv6bwZi9E

[Elen]

How to drink your morning coffee in Svalbard.


1:33

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9ArG6H_z0Q

[Dreamtimer]

Awesome, Elen. I showed my husband.:cool::rock::thup:

[Chris]

In case you haven't seen it yet, one of my favourite Husky videos of all time. They really are the funniest dogs out there, especially with the way they talk tack back to you like a petulant child...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0tDZU6vpkY

[Emil El Zapato]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=44&v=1LdjVtHqNxs&feature=emb_logo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NbnQZrK8xA

[Elen]

Let's us keep it a bit British, he? :smiley-dance013:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw-j5U_0XGk


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsB1tND1yXw

[Elen]

Here's another one of Michael McIntyre...at the dentist pulling a tooth. :ha:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbu7ybhB9Fg

[Emil El Zapato]

I'll tell you what's funny...I thought I was the only one obsessed with windshield wipers...I spend a lot of time thinking on how to invent the ultimate windshield wiper...not kidding.

[Emil El Zapato]

oh jeez, the dentist visit...

[Chris]

Let's us keep it a bit British, he? :smiley-dance013:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw-j5U_0XGk


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsB1tND1yXw

When I lived in the UK, I used to shop at Waitrose. Now that I'm in Hungary, I shop at Aldi. Oh, how the mighty have fallen... :ha:

[Dreamtimer]

There is a fine line between laughter and tears...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPEBB8EGPAw

[Emil El Zapato]

In truth, after a considerable amount of gaslighting, one has a choice...keep fighting or disengage. I think the natural inclination is to disengage when one can look around and see so many just not 'believe' what is happening.

As a wise blue collar friend once said to me: "People are like dogs, some you can beat into submission and others just get meaner!"

[Dreamtimer]

I don't want the light of enlightenment to go out. And I would never beat a dog or a person, although I get your metaphor and it is a good one.

Can we get some metaphorical rabies shots?

[Aragorn]

https://forum.manjaro.org/uploads/default/original/3X/b/7/b73bb2de0ca7bf4e4d64f66a7fc7186978b30c58.jpeg


https://forum.manjaro.org/uploads/default/original/3X/5/9/596e7f44c870a4936d72f265cf2635693e55f1d5.jpeg




And, of course, the cure against the coronavirus. :)



https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0c/Corona-6Pack.JPG


Sadly enough, this cure will not be available to US Americans due to Emperor Donaldo's wall at the border between the USA and Mexico. :ttr:

[Aragorn]

Source: ELSEWHERE (https://www.elsewhere.co.nz/absurdelsewhere/9275/the-covfefe-virus-2020-more-dangerous-than-sars-and-the-coronavirus/)




THE COVFEFE VIRUS (2020): More dangerous than SARS and the Coronavirus


https://elsewhere.scdn3.secure.raxcdn.com/images/v95000/articles/photo-1579781403337-de692320718a-1.jpeg



An announcement today by WHO (World Health Officers) has confirmed that the Covfefe Virus is now a global pandemic as it spreads unchecked.

The virus – which is considered an extreme and aberrant form of what was called Benito's Disease which appeared in the Thirties in Italy – has spread at an alarming rate in the past five years.

It now infects most Western nations, areas of South America, Indonesia, Russia and the Middle East.

Dr Mohammad Lee of the Institute for Research in Infectious Diseases in Bonn noted that Covfefe first appeared in isolated pockets in the US in 2015/2016 and seems to have been spread by a single individual.

“Our Typhoid Mary of Covfefe, so to speak, seems to have been extremely mobile during that period and spread the infection into communities in the Midwest initially and then right across the continental United States.

“It is an extremely virulent disease and unlike most others isn't solely spread by human contact. In fact, many of those infected actually self-isolate or congregate with those similarly infected.

“What makes this virus unique is that it's transmitted by social media.”



https://elsewhere.scdn3.secure.raxcdn.com/downloads/images/2020/deadly.jpg


Symptoms of the disease were initially identified as arrogance, bullying, self-entitlement, congenital lying and a lack of self-awareness.

Over a remarkably short period of time however these traits have morphed into sexism, racism, a proclivity towards violent acts with little or no understanding of consequences and the infected person's innate belief in themselves as being right in all circumstances.

“The great concern now,” says Dr Mary Jean d'Arc of the Sorbonne's Infectious Social Media Unit in Paris, “is that through Twitter, various apps and algorithms which are instant and often seemingly persuasive, lies spread around the world like invisible drones while the truth is still eating its granola.

“We have located a key player in all of this whom we identify only as DT@WHinDC, but it is the infected who are the most active in spreading this almost uncontrollable disease.

“There are whole media networks which are very foxy in how they disseminate the misinformation which spreads the Covfefe Virus.”



https://elsewhere.scdn3.secure.raxcdn.com/downloads/images/2020/The_Covfefe_Presidency__34287334213_.jpg


While no nation yet has gone into complete lockdown to prevent the spread of the virus some countries -- notably the US and Britain – are moving towards an isolationist policy, ironically not to prevent the spread of the disease globally but to embed it within their own borders.

“By doing that Covfefe has the ability – through global media, travel of infected individuals and social media – to become even more powerful,” says Dr d'Arc.

As the virus has mutated there have been off shoots such as the recently identified Quixote Disease in which the infected individual imagines dangerous monsters and giants where there are none, and Munchausen's Syndrome in which those at the most serious end of the spectrum believe themselves to be superhuman and capable of incredible feats, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Rare individuals such as DT@WHinDC appear to have all of these.

When asked how people can best protect themselves from Covfefe and its mutations, University of Bristol researcher Dr Fiona Greenbelt expressed frustration.

“Christ, I don't know. Read a goddamn book? Get yourself educated? Don't believe the bullshit? These seem pretty obvious to me . . . but frankly it's depressing. This thing looks out of control now.



https://elsewhere.scdn3.secure.raxcdn.com/downloads/images/2020/photo_1579781403337_de692320718a.jpg


“It's like this great orange-coloured dragon dragging a golf-cart full of psychotic dysfunctionalism which has mutant offspring with wild hair and profound self-belief in their own sense of what's best for everyone else. But, in truth, they are doing what's best for themselves.

“It's a disease which began as a psychosis but has taken on a political and social dimension.

“Seems madness is contagious after all. I'm heavily into self-medicating these days.

"Got anything good and strong?”


Source: ELSEWHERE (https://www.elsewhere.co.nz/absurdelsewhere/9275/the-covfefe-virus-2020-more-dangerous-than-sars-and-the-coronavirus/)

[Wind]

Approach it with caution. :ha:

https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/vmNcuov6HQkR4dRov4oytZ5y7P8=/0x0:1200x709/920x613/filters:focal(504x258:696x450):format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/64584369/1846295.0.jpg

[Emil El Zapato]

You want a glimpse into the mind of Houstonians (Texas)

A couple of monthes ago there was a fatal car crash during the morning commute which was reported online by one of the local TV stations. Here is one of the comments left by the readers...It was reported that a woman had been killed in the crash and decapitated.

A poster left this: "What is that up in the road I see ahead" I was actually a little worried about my daughter because she hangs out in that part of town sometimes (The Asian community) but I laughed for 10 minutes at how appallingly in poor taste it was.

But this goes on all the time...so, of course, I had to get an account...so far I've been giving this guy that has an avatar with a civil war uniform on and calls himself "Gray Beard" a dose. I give it hell at every opportunity...I know it isn't right but c'mon somebody has to defend the moral cause...he is obviously a moron and has no chance...some of the others I swear are professional comedians...

LOL...talk about synchronicity...the avatar I chose for the news online account was...what else, Don Quixote. :)

[Chris]

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-k_t6HCeRM7c/XmLvn_t6-xI/AAAAAAADxIs/hs-rW-EtjqgYs7E6C2Zei0I02ymxnxI0ACNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/CORONA%2BVIRUS%2B%252812%2529.png

[Aragorn]

What baffles me is that I haven't heard anyone mention the obvious comparison yet: Donald Trump and Mike Spencer...: Donald (Duck) and Mickey (Mouse). :p The White House is obviously a Disney show! :lol:

[Emil El Zapato]

Hail f*cking yes... :) Disneyland - Starring Goofy and his transgender dog, pluto

[Aragorn]

Hail f*cking yes... :) Disneyland - Starring Goofy and his transgender dog, pluto

Pluto was a transgender dog??? :D

[Emil El Zapato]

actually yes...kinda, sorta...actually it's Goofy that is transgenetic... :)

[Aragorn]

actually yes...kinda, sorta...actually it's Goofy that is transgenetic... :)

I used to think Goofy was a dog, but considering that Mickey and Minnie are mice, I figure Goofy must be a rat. :hmm: :)


P.S.: "Transgenetic" and "transgender" are not the same thing. :p

[Emil El Zapato]

poetic license, mannnn....

[Wind]

Talking about dogs, I think this fella prefers Samsung and Androids more.

Note to Apple, I'm gonna switch to Samsung because your products and policies suck nowadays.


http://youtu.be/NriU6mIPreA

[Emil El Zapato]

I've hated apple since day one...but my daughter feels wedded to them...I lose... :)

[Chris]

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bMjRXZioatw/XmLvbjOP_BI/AAAAAAADxIc/mXGjgMR13UgZ7bjPbSaLTCJmVHwQrqORQCNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/CORONA%2BVIRUS%2B%25289%2529.jpeg

[Dreamtimer]

Lol, Aragorn. Those masks are awesome!

Again, fine line between laughter and tears:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1b_QS4e31c8

That pug is really funny.

[Aragorn]

https://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/2362229/86219626.jpg

[Aragorn]

Common Symptoms for COVID-19





fever
dry cough
chest pain
a sudden urge to travel the world

[Dreamtimer]

I made my plans more than a year ago, not to mention that the passing of my father led to more travel. Having family around the country will do that.

lol again Aragorn. :lol::lol::lol:

The sun currently does not want folks speaking of its corona. It's now the layer that shall not be named. :flame:

[Emil El Zapato]

Common Symptoms for COVID-19





fever
dry cough
chest pain
a sudden urge to travel the world





I think cruise ships must be like blue chick incubators...

[Wind]

How To Stop The Spread Of Misinformation About Coronavirus


http://youtu.be/DLE7j1OB30s

[Dreamtimer]

:lol::cry::lol::cry::lol::cry:

[Chris]

https://assets.infowars.com/2020/03/87436316_10213413538933041_2070776696029577216_n-768x733.jpg

[Chris]

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-u3bEtYfX9nU/XmyQthMhWHI/AAAAAAADxqQ/v77xs3-29YcCJf86lnOtcRREKFufExI7ACNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/DEM%2BCLINTON%2B%25283%2529.png

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h4NoBVSA-lw/XmySG5K-7eI/AAAAAAADxuI/zVniC1l7OCstkLFoEQNNlJh4U3dlvbF1gCNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/ESiGQMGXYAE4TEv.jpg

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-u6ppwni9vkE/XmySwhuiUZI/AAAAAAADxvo/upGYJWTuVBYNcEPLDorecu969CPozsDfACNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/HARVEY.png

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Du21KujrJDM/XmyTCUlbW_I/AAAAAAADxww/tkvkkATmxdkFH9WwU-ax2u74xP6xMEMfQCNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/LIBERALS%2B%252811%2529.png

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7thfoS3zPIs/XmyT1Ow0ySI/AAAAAAADx1E/BJFnnIRvH8Mwnh1wq87CEQSNSUgd5KeIACNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/zzzz%2BHEALTH%2BCORONA%2BVIRUS%2B%25282%2529.jpeg

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CIcHDiQFySE/XmyUeKvvyoI/AAAAAAADx4U/dRseN3er9-8fDmmtNn2eVk2kB5iQbyvQgCNcBGAsYHQ/s640/zzzz%2BHEALTH%2BCORONA%2BVIRUS%2B%252826%2529.jpg

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kYWV7pVzWV0/XmycMZHHfDI/AAAAAAADx6g/p8oNvSI7cW0kuWmX0r06uUQqt-bnSntRwCNcBGAsYHQ/s1600/47383-Arnold_TP.jpg

[Chris]

One of the most good-natured and elaborate pranks I have ever seen. Absolutely hilarious.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF014EUJrSI

[Dreamtimer]

Excellent prank.:ha::hilarious:

[Dreamtimer]

Here's a timely tune for you. (we've seen Heather perform a few times and she's amazingly talented).


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVc980qyHPg&feature=youtu.be

[Aragorn]

Tom Hanks survived 4 years on an island as a castaway. 🏝

He spent a year in an airport without being able to leave. 🛫

He caught AIDS in Philadelphia. 💉

He was in World War II and rescued Private Ryan; he went to Vietnam and rescued Lieutenant Dan. 🔫

He was on a boat kidnapped by Somali pirates. 🚢

He survived Apollo 13 trying to reach the Moon. 🚀

He landed an Airbus on the Hudson River. ✈️

If that son-of-a-bitch dies of coronavirus, then we're ALL screwed!!! :nails:

[Wind]

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ETEtuEqWAAMaPIn.jpg

[Emil El Zapato]

I wonder if people would observe social distancing in the nighttime desert?

[Aragorn]

https://alpha.mike-r.com/~mike/2020.jpg

[Emil El Zapato]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpaOy8b8X6A

[Chris]

A cogent explanation of stock market behaviour

https://zh-prod-1cc738ca-7d3b-4a72-b792-20bd8d8fa069.storage.googleapis.com/s3fs-public/styles/teaser_wide/public/2020-03/2020-03-24_12-11-47.jpg?itok=S3f9b4kU

[Dreamtimer]

Someone recently told me that if you want to learn about the stock market, study psychology.

[Amanda]

If this is not appropriate I don't need to tell a Moderator to delete. I am self isolating and trying to learn about what is happening for us in Australia. It seems poorly managed. I am learning as are others that laughter is essential - even just a little each day - the tension and fear from some people is so thick you could cut it with a knife. I just need to share something that I thought was funny - if someone deems it unseemly - I apologise in advance.


I am on facebook. (Aragorn that is not the funny part. Cheeky Grin.)
I see a thread about a newspaper article and people are discussing so I join.

The newspaper article is about a lone man (this aspect becomes very important later on) climbing over a newly erected mesh fence at Bondi Beach.
Bondi Beach is the most famous beach in Australia - locals and tourists flock to it - all year around.
The day before it had been in the news and was cleared by Police because of the lack of social distancing.

So the thread is full of angry comments about social distancing and what right does he have et cetera.
I join in and try to be a voice of reason.


He's not violating the social distancing.
Is social distancing actually legislation?
Did you know the first patient was diagnosed late in 2019?
The mesh fence is a little like shutting the gate after the herd have fled.


I am actually counting the likes and loves et cetera for my multiple comments - this is something I never do - ever.
So I wander back to the newsfeed to let people have time to type up their comments.


So - as if via a miracle - a twitter image appears elsewhere.
At one of the largest international airports at Australian Customs Arrivals there is a static image of people shoulder to shoulder.
The twitter comment is similar to: We asked the Customs Officials about the social distancing and they replied; Not our problem.

So - I return to the thread and alerted those within the chat that I had posted an image and comment which is at the top of my personal facebook page.

Awhile later - the thread has not only the twitter comments but the actual video footage of the Customs Arrivals.
I asked whether we should continue to chat about a lone man climbing a mesh fence that was not there yesterday - or - just move our discussion to the brand new video post at the top of the page?

Suddenly no one was chatting with me.



I don't know whether I should be laughing or not but I need to release the tension.
Those of you who know me - know that I have a strong personality but I am respectful.
Can anyone see how funny this was - at the time?


Much Respect - Amanda


NB: Please tell me we can still see the funny side to at least some of this horror - because - my spirit will die. Is it just me who is a little confused over comedy etiquette in the present situation?

[Aragorn]

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.sapeople.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2020%2F03%2Fjoke-the-cure-900x508.jpg&f=1&nofb=1



https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.shutupandtakemymoney.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2020%2F03%2Fif-you-need-144-rolls-of-toilet-paper-for-a-14-day-quarantine-corona-virus-meme.jpg&f=1&nofb=1



https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi0.wp.com%2Fwww.thewebly.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2020%2F03%2Fcoronavirus_quaran tine_is_funny_for_some_people_l939k_640_08.jpg%3Fr esize%3D677%252C600&f=1&nofb=1



https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fy55byb279vc41.jpg&f=1&nofb=1




https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.imgflip.com%2F3r2ix8.jpg&f=1&nofb=1




https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi0.wp.com%2Fwww.thewebly.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2020%2F03%2Fcoronavirus_quaran tine_is_funny_for_some_people_KXT2T_640_high_12.jp g%3Fresize%3D700%252C815&f=1&nofb=1




https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi.imgflip.com%2F3s3p6u.jpg&f=1&nofb=1




https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.shutupandtakemymoney.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2020%2F03%2Fif-the-corona-virus-was-a-person-joe-biden-meme.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

[Dreamtimer]

The quaranteens. I like it.

I suspect my son and his girlfriend are having serious doubts about reproducing. Even more now.

I have some family who are teachers and just had a baby. They are well and at home, but how long can they get paid without working? They have to feed and clothe their baby. It's worrisome.

[Emil El Zapato]

oohhh, quaranteens is worrisome because it is undoubtedly true...

[Amanda]

Had to share this:

Quarantine Self-Isolation Meal Schedule

7am Breakfast
7.15 Dessert Breakfast
8.30 Panic Snack with News
9:45 Chocolate
11.30 Snack while standing up staring
12:30 Lunch with small dessert
2pm Post nap luncheon
4:30 Trail Mix
6pm Dinner with weird vibes
10pm Ice cream



Reference and applause to Bunmi Laditan @ Honest Toddler via faceache - where I chanced on it.


I am trying to laugh at least once a day.


Much Respect - Amanda

[Wind]

The comments in this video, oh my goodness.


http://youtu.be/HVa1qku87cU

[Emil El Zapato]

funny joke...let's hope they're better soldiers than musicians :)

[Aragorn]

funny joke...let's hope they're better soldiers than musicians :)

If their aim is as good as their pitch control, then they won't be hitting much. :p

[Emil El Zapato]

:)

[Emil El Zapato]

Sent to me by my half-sister...yes, she's genetic family...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93bsgdOLjak&feature=emb_rel_end

[Aragorn]

https://i.ibb.co/26Z0p0h/tp.jpg

[Emil El Zapato]

If anyone knows how to embed a facebook video please do...it will be worth the effort...

2889178771150128

[Dreamtimer]

Motherchicken! That is quite funny, NAP. That fellow has some serious spunk. I'm impressed.

I love the song as well. I'm going to play it for my husband. :banana::dan::ok:

[Wind]

Dr. Anthony Fauci Unveils A Mask That Could Save Millions Of Lives

https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/5e7ca0dc996a5_2ys5gdh2cvo41-png__700.jpg

[Emil El Zapato]

This is not funny, but something occurred to me yesterday. All Trump's sycophant's are waiting for their freedom...When Trump passes into the trash bin of history, the books will start flying and they will all say the same thing.

"We had to do it, we were horrified about what he might do if we weren't there!" And it will be true I think, because really how could they be in close proximity to a unbalanced psychologically disturbed individual and not recognize it. The President of the United States...say your prayers tonight, whatever form they might take.

[Aragorn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMBh-eo3tvE

[Dreamtimer]

Now we just need a few of our favorite things.

Tissues, thermometers, cough syrup, blankets...



Ah....duct tape fantasies.

[Emil El Zapato]

Favorite things...I've got a hell of a story about that song...but I'll save it for later...i'm tired from watching 'Ozark' at all hours of the night... :)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpzbMLDliyI

[Wind]

http://youtu.be/ojrtwXqqc6g

[Dreamtimer]

I'd like to se Chris and Randy Rainbow do something together. Those two voices together...amazing.

[Emil El Zapato]

lol, that would be something... :)

He's from Wichita Kansas...

sheeiittt, they should get married... :)

note: I'm an excellent matchmaker... :)

[Dreamtimer]

He's gay too, then?

[Dreamtimer]

He's married to a woman and they have a son, so too bad for Randy. I think Randy has a boyfriend anyway.

[Emil El Zapato]

lol...so much for my career as a matchmaker... :) that's funny isn't it? :)

[Chris]

When the pubs finally reopen, it will be glorious...


https://www.facebook.com/watch/?ref=external&v=597465103937612

[Emil El Zapato]

aye verily, that's the Irish, men after me own heart... :)

[Chris]

aye verily, that's the Irish, men after me own heart... :)

I honestly don't know how they're coping with this. They live in pubs...

I mean that quite literally, most inner-city Irish (and British) homes don't have living rooms, people only go there to sleep, otherwise they spend their free time in public houses. It is the only living room most people in these places have.

[Dreamtimer]

As Seamus Kennedy likes to say,

"In Ireland, children are allowed in the pubs. That way, they don't develop a fear of drunks later in life." ;)

[Chris]

https://cdn.i-scmp.com/sites/default/files/styles/1920x1080/public/d8/galleries/2020/04/03/harry0403.jpg?itok=Vg62t2ou

[Emil El Zapato]

that's funny...

[Dreamtimer]

It looks like Trump carries the staff of the Grand Nagus. (Star Trek DS9)

If only the prophets could get hold of him and alter his mind like they did that of the Nagus in "Prophet Motive".

https://images.dailykos.com/images/665669/story_image/TrumpTarotFool.png?1555378643

[Chris]

It looks like Trump carries the staff of the Grand Nagus. (Star Trek DS9)

If only the prophets could get hold of him and alter his mind like they did that of the Nagus in "Prophet Motive".

https://images.dailykos.com/images/665669/story_image/TrumpTarotFool.png?1555378643

Apparently, the Ferenghi were modelled on 18th century Yankee traders, so it seems quite appropriate to make the comparison.

Also, look at those ears, they're Yuuuge!

[Aragorn]

It looks like Trump carries the staff of the Grand Nagus. (Star Trek DS9)

If only the prophets could get hold of him and alter his mind like they did that of the Nagus in "Prophet Motive".

https://images.dailykos.com/images/665669/story_image/TrumpTarotFool.png?1555378643

Apparently, the Ferenghi were modelled on 18th century Yankee traders, so it seems quite appropriate to make the comparison.

Also, look at those ears, they're Yuuuge!

But the color of his face is wrong. It's purple, and it should be orange. :ttr:

[Aragorn]

The coronavirus outbreak has led to the adoption of a new currency.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69yxKl4g2fY

[Aragorn]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr_tEdQvFcc

[Dreamtimer]

Great voice.

[Emil El Zapato]

jeez that's harsh...but funny....

[Aragorn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTYxDMYKyiI