The good thing is it's now coming out - from many directions. That's a beginning, slow I know, but as Sandy wisely said perhaps too fast isn't the best way - slow and easy may be best for the many fragile souls that have been abused.
We incarcerate the few abusers that are allowed to be brought to justice, but I do wonder what happens again when they are released. Here in the states the there are many cases that, when released, abuse again. I would love to have a really good therapist spend as many years as it takes with these offenders (while incarcerated) to see if they can get to the reason behind their actions. Would it be just one? Probably not, but I feel there would be some underlying cause.
We have classes in so many inconsequential subjects in our schools. I have felt for some time that we have left out the most important. Understanding human nature and how to deal with the problems that arise in our lives. If this were started at an early age and continued on to adulthood, would it make a difference. And by this I don't mean all this religious dogma of you can, can't and shouldn't. We can't legislate morality either by church or state - that just makes it go underground.
Sex is a very important subject - and rarely discussed either in home or school or in Forums. Yet it is plastered all over the TV, movies, internet, etc., . . . so much stimulation and display and little really serious discussion.
Last edited by BabaRa, 18th November 2014 at 19:14.
I just lost my previous post regarding the video Calabash posted about Ian McFayden...............what a heart felt, COURAGE FILLED, Wonderful Man he is to go as PUBLIC as he has and Kudo's to his wife and son for holding him tight and close while he made himself vulnerable to the world at large.
There is such RAW vulnerability in reliving and experiencing childhood abuse as it more than not takes one right back to that innocent age mentally, physically and emotionally and standing in that space of powerlessness is what keeps many from dealing with the pain and helplessness of it all.........................the perpetrators know this and count on it!!
Thank you for posting this story Calabash and much love and strength with deep admiration to Mr. Ian McFadyen.
This is worthy of its own thread but I wanted to "bump" this one as it shows how sexual abuse ruins lives . . . Another question that must be asked is why on earth do people send their children away to public/boarding schools from the age of 6?
An old school friend of Nick Clegg's broke down in tears as he told of the abuse he suffered while at Caldicott Preparatory School. The video shows Nick Clegg listening to Ian MacFadyen on a LBC Radio Phone-in. His expression and body language reveals more than his response imo . . .
Ian McFadyen is privately educated, articulate – and a survivor of sexual abuse.
Ian, 48, attended the fee-paying Caldicott Preparatory School at Farnham Royal in Buckinghamshire in the late 1960s. It hit the headlines when former headmaster Peter Wright was found guilty of 12 offences against five boys there, including Ian. In February, Wright was jailed for eight years.
It’s the norm for former pupils of Caldicott to move into top jobs in politics and business and have stellar careers. One of those former pupils is Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. And last week, Clegg spoke out on the subject of sexual abuse, rejecting claims for a Hillsborough-style inquiry into historic sexual abuse. That’s despite growing concern over the alleged disappearance of a dossier detailing explosive claims of sex abuse within Westminster and demands from MPs for a full public inquiry.
Clegg believes such historic abuse claims should be investigated by the police and says a public inquiry would be “no surrogate” for a full police investigation. When I speak to Ian about Clegg’s comments, he’s frustrated, maybe even a little hurt that he isn’t being as supported as he could be.
“I’m definitely really angry with Nick Clegg. I take what he says as a personal slight. It’s all well and good for him to stand up and say this. But he’s been a real disappointment. I’m actually ashamed to have gone to school with him,” he says.
“Coming out with a statement like he did, I think further traumatises victims. We need some form of inquiry.”
Ian is equally bemused at the jail term handed down to Rolf Harris. The disgraced entertainer was sentenced to five years and nine months on Friday for 12 indecent assaults against four girls – including one aged just seven or eight.
“Prison sentences of abusers like Harris will never be commensurate with the lifelong damage they have inflicted on their victims,” he says. “Parents are usually unaware that there is no law that obliges a teacher who suspects or witnesses sexual abuse to tell the authorities. They can turn a blind eye and continue with their careers.”
Ian hit rock-bottom after years of abuse at Caldicott. Despite a privileged background – he describes his father as a “big fish in a small pond” who opened the world’s first seven-star hotel – years of abuse meant adjusting to normal life once he left school was incredibly difficult. He’d tried heroin by the time he was 14, ended up homeless and addicted to alcohol and drugs. That’s what years of abuse did to him.The turning point came one Christmas morning, when he woke up on the streets of Edinburgh, in a sleeping bag, and had no idea how he got there. He sought help and managed to turn his life around. It wasn’t easy, but with support he found determination.
Ian, of Peebles, has suffered horrifically at the hands of pillars of the community – men who were respected, educating privileged boys from wealthy families. The abuse was systematic, with Ian saying he was “timetabled for rape”.
I say that managing to turn his life around after suffering so much and then sinking so low says a lot for his character. “I don’t want to be defined by my abuse,” he says, simply.
Still, there are times those memories can’t help but haunt him. “My wife bought new bedding a wee while ago, paisley patterned. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I just couldn’t go to bed, I didn’t feel comfy about it,” he says. “Then it came to me. I remembered I used to have a pair of brushed cotton pyjamas with a paisley design on them. I remember sitting on George Hill’s bed, kind of holding on to the top of my pyjama bottoms...”
He trails off. George Hill was the teacher who inflicted the cruellest and most systematic abuse on Ian. Hill took his own life and I ask Ian if he feels cheated Hill never faced justice.
“No. By the time I heard he’d killed himself, I’d been to court three times to see justice and had been in the dock five-and-a-half hours with the defence barrister going through me. One was acquitted. But I’d do exactly the same again,” he says defiantly.
“I went to see Peter Wright’s sentencing. My wife said on the way that I was really quiet. And really, I nearly had a tear in my eye as I told her it was the first time I’d get to see him in 35 years.”
He believes he’s come through the worst of it, that with the help of wife Paula and his son, he’s got a life worth living. “I’ve never been able to tell my wife I love her. I just can’t use the L word,” he says. “The first person I said I loved outwith my family was George Hill.”
Ian describes himself as a survivor and not a victim. He was glad to have his day in court. And you can’t help but feel glad for him.
“Seeing Peter Wright go to prison didn’t give me any joy,” he says. “I just wish . . . I wish people had noticed when I was young. I wish I’d never been hurt and other boys had never been hurt.”
Ian speaks out to try to prevent others from going through the same thing. He is climbing Scafell Pike to raise money for the Southmead Project. See https://www.justgiving.com/Ian-McFadyen3/2
Help the victims, not offenders
Anthony is a campaigner for victims and survivors of child abuse. He cannot be identified for legal reasons.
“I am fighting for justice for survivors of abuse. And for that, I believe, there has to be an over-arching, full Royal Commission into historic abuse cases — similar to the Hillsborough Royal Commission or what they’re doing in Australia.
“In Australia they are learning lessons from the past – sometimes very hard lessons. And they’re bringing in full care packages for survivors. We need that. But I’d go further.
“We need a change in society and the way we deal with child abuse, because at the moment society doesn’t want to know. There’s implicit denial there. Things get hushed up, swept under the carpet. You just have to read some of the details of the Jimmy Savile case. Victims reported abuse but nothing happened.
“People find the details are just too traumatic to deal with. We minimise it. Survivors are told it’s in the past, it’s history, move on and live your life.
“Well, I have nightmares, flashbacks and there are times it rules my life. How the hell is that historic for me?
“We need a facility like Coalinga State Hospital in California. When paedophiles are coming towards the end of their sentence in California, they are sent to Coalinga for treatment and only released when they have completed it and are deemed to no longer be a danger to society. More than 70% of patients refuse therapy. So they aren’t released. We need something similar.
“I’m involved with the Scottish Human Rights Commission Interaction on Historic Child Abuse. I am contributing as a survivor. But I don’t have much confidence in it. It’s supposed to be about providing a package of care for survivors of abuse. But to me it’s about managing them. They’ve spent years working on it. I could have told them what was needed, in half an hour.
“As a survivor everyone speaks for you. But the only people who understand are those who have been through similar experiences. I hear from victims of abuse, and also from families who have lost loved ones who were victims and they’ve taken their own lives. It infuriates me when I read about sentences being deferred on offenders while they do psychiatric reports on them. What about psychiatric reports on the victims? All the resources seem to go towards offenders.
“If I was in charge I would make sure victims had medical and financial aid, and access to therapy for the rest of their lives. Victims have to live with the effects every day. It’s a form of post traumatic stress disorder. It is like your head is underwater. Being abused is like a homicide. But the person is still alive, and left to cope in adult life.
“I believe that there is much more to come in terms of historic abuse allegations. What we know so far is just the tip of the iceberg. That is why we need a Royal Commission, learning lessons from the past, so we can protect children in the future.
“Standing up and admitting you were the victim of abuse is so hard. When I went public, I became persona non grata. Victims need more help, pure and simple.”
Thank you so much for posting this Calabash. I know a few men who were sent off to boarding school and were abused. Some don't talk about it and in not talking about it, it affects every area of their lives.
Sex is a very important subject - and rarely discussed either in home or school or in Forums. Yet it is plastered all over the TV, movies, internet, etc., . . . so much stimulation and display and little really serious discussion.
Totally agree with your whole post and the above sentence in particular Barbara. Proper discussion and openness would solve so many problems and not allow fetishes for a start. Not sure about other tendencies, like S&M, although they obviously come from trauma-based experiences at significant stages of people's lives . . . . whatever, I'm sure it could all be ironed out. Paedophilia? That's something else, tied in with Psychopathy. They're a different breed altogether. They look human and they can sound human, but they are not human.
Kevin Annett: Vancouver&Bangkok top child-trafficking cities. Archbishop, Judges in child sacrifices
Alfred Lambremont Webre
Published on Nov 16, 2014Kevin Annett: 12 Mile Club-Vancouver & Bangkok world’s top child trafficking cities. Archbishop, Chief Judge, United Church in 9th Circle child offshore sacrifices in yachts http://exopolitics.blogs.com/breakin...ed-church.html
Reply With Quote
oop: 
Originally posted by Calabash
Bookmarks